13 Things I Wish I Knew in My 20s

Mel Robins in her 20s we're talking unhinged everybody the 20s that decade it is not all it's cracked up to be it doesn't feel like the world is your oyster because the 20s are so freaking hard it's okay to feel frustrated it's okay to wallow a bit it's okay to feel lost and like you don't have your together in your 20s you're in such a hurry to figure your life out stop you have time there are 13 things that I wish I knew in my 20s that I am going to share with you today number

one welcome to another episode of the Mel Robbins podcast now listen up because today you and I we are going to do some things differently I rolled up here to the microphone hot today because I want to talk to all of you listeners in your 20s because you've been writing in a lot lately so I see you I hear you today I am showing up for you and I'm also here to talk to the people who love you there are 13 things that I wish I knew in my 20s that I am going to share

with you today and I should warn you Mel Robbins in her 20s effed up okay like we're talking unhinged everybody so this is not an episode for little ears because my 20s were the hardest most confusing and overwhelming 10 years years of my life if only I had known these 13 things that I'm going to share with you today I would not look back on that entire decade and basically go barf and by the way if you're in your 30s 40s 50s 60s you're going to love this too because these 13 pieces of advice I

use in my life every single day and I'm 55 and you're also going to love the stories about how screwed up Mel Robbins used to be but if you are in your 20s today I'm dedicating this to you because you're probably listening to this because your mom mom sent you this episode so if you're currently laying in your bed looking at social media or you have no money in the bank or you feel shitty about your job or you've just been ghosted by your last hinge date don't worry Mel Robbins is here I'mma put my

arms around you and I am not going to give you that world is your oyster you can do anything pep talk because I didn't want to hear that back in my 20s and I know you do not want to hear that today I'm going to tell you the truth and the truth is you can make the most most of your 20s and even though they're hard they can also be exciting and I'm going to teach you the 13 things that I wish I had known while I was sitting in the corner having a panic attack

feeling like a lost loser so that you can learn how to pull your [ __ ] together because you can let's do it alrighty it's your friend Mel and today's episode dedicated to all you amazing listeners in your 20s you've been asking for this so now I'm given it to you and it's also dedicated to all the people in your life right now who love you and you know what they're worried about about you they're giving you really irritating job advice they're trying to help you with your budget and the fact is your 20s are

a really challenging period in your life full stop this decade not what everybody paints it out to be personally I was lost in my 20s and when I look back on that version of me I'm like I hate 20-year-olds Mel Robbins in fact my main reaction when I think about who I was in my 20s and some of the [ __ ] that I did is just cringe I also have two daughters in their 20s who are trying to navigate their life and honestly they're having a really hard time maybe you are too for example

every single day it seems I get a FaceTime from our daughter Kendall she's 23 she lives in Los Angeles and when I see her name pop up I think oh my God I hope she's having a good day today because I have no idea what to expect she reminds me of me in my 20s I mean one day you're flying on Cloud9 you think you just met the love of your life the next day you have negative $25 in your bank account you think you're the ugliest person in your friend group the person you slept

with is no longer texting you back you have no idea how to do your job you're terrified everyone's going to figure out you don't know what you're doing and so whenever she calls I'm thinking oh my God which version of her am I going to get today on FaceTime please please please let it be the happy version and honestly I get it because that used to be me because the 20s that decade it is not all it's cracked up to be it doesn't feel like the world is your oyster because the 20s are so freaking

hard and that's just my 23-year-old my 25-year-old she's living at home so that she can save money and she wants to move New York City in the fall and and you know I think she's doing great but the other day I heard her referring to herself as a depressed Geral I mean just let that sink in I don't even know if she knows that I heard her say that she was talking to a friend she's like I just feel like a depressed Geral like stuck in a cage up here my parents I'm like oh my

god oh and so I'm worried about our two daughters and I really want to help them and I want to give them advice to help them navigate what is a very confusing and overwhelming and exciting by the way exciting moment in your life and so I thought all right what advice could I give them to make them feel more powerful to help them navigate the ups and downs or at the very least to help them stop crying for 5 minutes every other hour so I've come up with 13 truths that you need to know in

your 20s or frankly at any time in your life whenever you feel lost overwhelmed unsure life isn't meeting your expectations come back to these 13 truths and if you have someone in your life that is in their 20s listen to this so that you can understand how difficult this period of life is and how you can better support them and by the way share this episode with every single person in their 20s that you know they need this advice they're going to love you for it and that brings me to the very first thing I'm

going to tell you the idea that your 20s are the best time of your life is complete and utter [ __ ] it might actually be the hardest decade of your life there I said it so if you just went oh an adult just told me that it's okay to feel like this is hard good you're not the only one who feels that way in fact I received an email from a listener named Eliza who describes some of the things that can go down in your 20s here's what she said hey Mel I've been stuck

in what feels like a downward spiral tornado for about a year I graduated from college last year and it felt like everything went wrong since then breakup horrible friendships I moved took a job and then quit tons of rumors and backstabbing Financial hardships major fights with family not knowing what I wanted to do basically everything that I thought would never go wrong did now I just want to pause right there and say I feel like Eliza is describing me in my 20s and so just know that if you were nodding your head you're not the

only one and when I read this email to our entire team you want to know something every single one of our team members in our 20s you know what they did they started nodding their heads like yep that sounds about right and Eliza wasn't done so let's just jump back into her email she said listening to your podcast Mel is the first time I haven't receive that standard you're young your life is just starting your world is at the fingertip speech which is quite possibly the worst thing to hear when you feel like your world

is imploding one piece at a time well I'm here to tell you Eliza you are not crazy you are not alone your 20s you will go through some of the hardest experiences of your life now let me explain why this decade is so hard because I think this is going to be super helpful your 20s are so hard because it is the first time in your life where no one is telling you what to do just stop and think about this for a second there's no Playbook and all you've known from 0 to 20 is

someone else's Playbook the first 20 years of your life every detail was planned for you and it was planned for all your friends too in fact you and your friends and this is a big piece of this from 0 to 20 you and your friends were moving through life at the exact same Pace in the exact same place you went from first grade to second grade to third grade together to Middle School to high school maybe to college then first year then second year you had the same Milestones you had the same way to measure

your success you had the same friend groups you had the same routine you were all on the same vacation schedule for crying out loud I mean when spring bake hit for you it hit for everybody else you also always had kids in the class ahead of you to show you what was coming next and guess what they were following the same Playbook then what happens boom you enter your 20s and the real world and into what I call the great scattering that Playbook that you followed from 0 to 20 it disintegrates and the great scattering

begins every single person you know scatters in different directions everybody is suddenly on a different timeline they're living in different places they're working in different jobs they're hanging out with different people they're achieving different milestones at different paces and your entire frame of reference for how you're doing how you're tracking your progress what you're supposed to be doing today what you're supposed to be doing next month what you're supposed to be doing next year gone Zippo disappear NADA that's why your 20s have a tremendous feeling of loss of control there's no longer a track there's

no template there's no timeline for what to do next it's all up to you and that's why all of the stupid adults that say the we at your fingertips you just want to take those fingertips and curl them into a fist and punch them into a face and that is exactly why I say it might be the hardest decade of your life there are too many options there's no frame of reference there's no way to track where you are or where you should go it's all up to you and it's just so overwhelming you my

friend are not crazy you're in the great scattering and I'm telling you that because feeling lost in your 20s amid all this change it is normal how could you not how could you not feel lost how could you not feel this sense of grief how could you not be confused about everybody and everywhere and where everyone's going and what you should do it is so hard for everyone no matter how great their Instagram story looks I'm not kidding about this everybody's sitting there putting out the perfect story like they got it all together with the

perfect brunch and the perfect this and the perfect that and the perfect ski suit everybody is panicking so you're not a loser let's just get that straight okay you're in the great scattering you will figure it out if you look at all the adults that are older than you most of us are complete idiots and we figured it out you will figure it out too and here's one more thing you need to hear your friend Mel Robin say you have your [ __ ] together way more than you realize and you need to start giving

yourself more credit I say that again you have your [ __ ] together way more than you realize and you need to start giving yourself more credit I get it yes it feels like everyone around you is excelling in every area of their lives and you feel like you have to pretend like you're doing great I get it you're really struggling and it sucks and I want you to know you're not alone everyone is struggling in some area of their life and I know both my daughters feel that way and I definitely felt that way

for my 20s and it's okay it's okay to feel frustrated it's okay to wallow a bit it's okay to feel lost and like you don't have your [ __ ] together because you are figuring it out but I want to normalize this that's that's why this is the first piece of advice that the 20s are not the best time of your life in fact it could be the worst because there are so many unknowns that you need to navigate right now and it's not always rainbows and butterflies and sometimes those unknowns they make you cry

like a lot in fact I cried more in my 20s than any other decade and that's even after I got diagnosed with anxiety and put on Zoloft like I kept on crying and if you're a parent listening in please please start validating what the 20s somethings in your life are feeling stop trying to fix it and just sit with them and acknowledge how hard and overwhelming it can be and remind them that they have their [ __ ] together more than they think I mean remember how hard your 20s were remember what it was like

to apply to college or when you went through your first breakup or you were searching for your first job or your friends all moved to a different city or you were the only one who wasn't going to graduate school or you were the one that was living at home sucks this is the decade that your loved ones need support not a lecture because there is so much to figure out about yourself and your friendships and your career and dating and living on your own and your money and your health and your habits and I'm here

to tell you you will figure it out yes your 20s may not be your best decade so take the pressure off and sit tight because the other 12 things I'm going to tell you are going to help you create a master template for starting to thrive in your 20s and your 30s and your 40s and your 50s for the rest of your life all right now that we got that out of the way I'll be right back with the next piece of advice and you better be here for this because it's about money and it's

the only money advice I'm giving and it's a doozy stay stay with me welcome back it's your friend Mel I'm so glad that you're here we are talking about the things that we wish we knew in our 20s we've already covered one I got 12 more so let's jump right back into it so let's go to the second piece of advice because we got to talk about money next I know it's on your mind and it's not in your pocket so the second piece of advice is this stop spending your money on stupid [ __

] you get to choose what you spend your money on learn how to stop spending money on stupid [ __ ] your generation for example is obsessed with skin care but let me ask you do you seriously need another moisturizer when you have three half used tubes at home no you don't and look I get it it's hard particularly for you guys I mean when I was your age I had to at least get in a car and go to the store and I still wasted so much money on stupid [ __ ] but you

have a bigger problem and this is why you have to take control of this right now if you're in your 20s shopping is in your face 247 I mean your phone is basically the new mall it takes 3 seconds for you to see an ad click and buy less than a day for it to show up at your doorstep you have to take control of your addiction to buying things in order to make yourself feel better just ask yourself has that cheap Amazon face roller really been benefited your appearance I mean you're not dumb you

know that the influencer who swears by her $300 red light mask has no wrinkles because she's getting Botox not because she's using a red light mask that she by the way got for free and is making a commission off of every time your stupid ass buys it I mean come on you're smarter than that don't give your power to the influencer machine stay in control of your money in your 20s and listen I get it you're spending money iously or subconsciously because you feel overwhelmed or sad or insecure or bored or stressed which makes you

feel out of control and in that moment you're sitting on Instagram you see the influencer with her face mask Boop click spending money gives you a rush of dopamine and it makes you feel in control right of the issue that you're trying to solve which is what wrinkles no boredom sadness loneliness overwhelm how are you trying to solve that with a face roller then after two uses you wonder why you even bought it in the first place and then what do you do you feel more out of control and more sad and more overwhelmed and

even more like a loser and you have less money spending money that you do not have on the things that you do not need doesn't give you power it makes you feel powerless and while I'm on a roll stop spending money on a new workout set it is not going to make you drop 15 pounds getting to the gym will do you really need a new wallet guys no you need a new way to make money and trust me you do not need to purchase a new outfit for every single occasion especially when most of

you wear it once and then you never touch it again stop spending money on things you do not need I don't care if you bought it at a thrift store you still don't need it you are channeling your energy desire anxiety and Desperation to keep up with the trends and the gimmicks and the influencers into buying stupid stuff and not only is it hurting your already slim bank account but it's also trying to keep up with society's forever changing Trends and high expectations is not serving you and your happiness it is serving retailers and influencers

it is impossible to keep up your 20s are not the time to go broke it's the time to learn to take control of your finances and finance they play a major role in your transition to adulthood so pay attention to your money now and learn how to handle it instead of focusing on how much money you can earn how about you get laser focused right now and where is all your money going here's a trick I want you to steal from our daughter Sawyer instead of clicking click purchase now I want you to open up

your notes app and write down the thing you want to buy and then let it sit in your your notes app for 5 days if you're still thinking about it 5 days later and you remember to go to your notes app to buy it now you can make a decision as to whether or not this is something you actually need and what Sawyer finds is that simply writing it in her Notes app satisfies the feelings of desire in the moment again helping you to take control instead of spending money on stupid [ __ ] and

if you're going to spend money here here's a recommendation spend it on things that you're actually going to remember I personally don't remember a thing I bought in my 20s but I had a major spending problem I wish somebody had come to me like I'm coming to you and shuck me by the shoulders I was like Mel you got a stop spending because here's what I do remember I had five freaking credit cards that's how much of a spending problem I had because I was overwhelmed and lost and not making a lot of money in

my job so like a complete [ __ ] [ __ ] I soothed my emotions and made myself feel better by constantly spending money on [ __ ] with a credit card that I didn't need and couldn't afford and so when I got married you know what I had to disclose to my new husband at the age of uh 28 that I was coming into the marriage with oops $25,000 in credit card debt that I hadn't told him about so if you're going to bother to spend your hard- ear money on something spend it on

an experience spend it on an investment your well-being or in building a new skill like take a class or use the money to go to therapy to make yourself happier and learn more about yourself that's something you'll remember you got it good so stop spending money on stupid [ __ ] you're welcome here's my third piece of advice that I wish I knew in my 20s you have so much time in your 20s you're in such a hurry to figure your life out stop you have time listen to me no really listen to your friend

Mel Robins you have plenty of time to figure out your life and your career and your love life and your friend group and your gut health you have time you want to know why you think you don't have time and I just want to validate something this time pressure is way worse on today's 20-year-olds than the pressure that I felt about this when I was 20 and there are two reasons why you feel so much pressure right now number one social media is warping your perception of what it takes to be successful I mean talk

about [ __ ] you up you spend so much time on social media looking at influencers or Tik Tok stars or famous people your age that seem to have everything that you want it's like literally in your face whether it's the bank account or the Wardrobe or the BMW or the friend group or the dream body or the adorable little kids and matching outfits or the MBA from Harvard or the fancy wedding in Lake Como what is it with everybody getting married in Lake KO right now get this in your head because of social media

you are programmed to think that success happens overnight I'm sorry to tell you life doesn't work like that not for normal people like you and me start learning how to be where your feet are not where your phone is Success takes time and you have plenty of time and you're also smart enough to figure out how to be successful you have plenty of time to make the money you deserve to grow your career to find love to get pregnant to build solid friendships to learn how to cook to go back to graduate school to organize

your apartment so it looks like a studio McGee shoot the second reason why you probably feel this pressure around time is that you're comparing yourself to your parents' timeline I have a very different timeline than my daughters I was married when I was 27 I was pregnant by 29 I had Sawyer by the time I was 30 and I'm sure your parents are the same way maybe they met in high school they were married by 23 try not to be so triggered by other people's timelines and I get it it's hard why is it hard

because you've been programmed for the first 20 years to go at the same pace and place as your friends you're used to being in lock stck with everybody else and in the great scattering the timelines disappear whether it's your parents or your friends or your cousins or the influencers that you see on social media do not be triggered by their timeline because it's not your timeline you have to learn to trust the timing of your life I wish somebody had taught me that in my 20s I was constantly Panic stricken about whether or not I

was keeping up trust that things are happening for you and for a reason and I'll give you another example of how easy it is to try to speed up your life and tell yourself you don't have time getting engaged there is so much pressure on you guys to move in with your partner get engaged film the engagement put the rose petals around it like it's some [ __ ] reality TV show get married I worry that you're not even giving yourself time to truly evaluate If this relationship is what you want if it's going to

serve you at this time in your life like forget about if it's going to serve you 20 years from now like slow down and determine whether or not it's even the right relationship for you now your time is precious and you have plenty of it so slow down slow down so you can figure it out and here's one thing you can start doing today whenever you feel like you're falling behind it's so so easy right your heart starts thumping like crazy like you've just chug 15 things of pre-workout take a deep breath and tell yourself

these seven words I trust the timing of my life I wish I had had this tell yourself I'm on my own timeline and I trust that I'm going to figure everything out and one more thing that helped me a lot is every time I've been in a breakdown in my life it helps me to say if the breakdown is really big so is the amazing thing that's coming there's a direct relationship to how you can start to panic and how amazing things are going to turn out so trust the timing of your life because you

do have time and that brings me to the fourth piece of advice date the person not their potential when you're in your 20s it is so easy to obsess over your relationships and try to make any relationship work just so you have one like let's be honest with each other you want to be in a relationship and I have so much to say about dating and relationships in your 20s that we're going to do a whole another episode about that so hit me up at melrobbins.com with your questions your issues your problems but right now

I just want to give you the golden rule for relationships date the person not their potential here's what I mean by that stop and think are are you truly in a relationship with a person as they are right now or are you in a relationship with who you wish they were if you're constantly in your mind griping about the behaviors you don't like or what you wish they would change you're dating the potential for example you can't stand that they don't exercise or that they're a drinker or a druggie or they don't surprise you with

flowers or you don't like their family or they refuse to move and explore a new city or you know what the sex not that great definitely not as good as your last partner or your friends don't get along with them and it drives you freaking crazy so what do you do you try to control and manipulate them to become the person who meets your expectations instead of letting them be themselves that's what you need to do you need to let them be themselves because when you give somebody the freedom to be themselves guess what happens

you see who they really are you're so focused in your 20s on the things that you don't like or what boxes they check or don't check that you distract yourself from addressing the reality and the reality is you're probably not with someone that you actually want to be with but you've kept yourself busy griping about the fact that they eat like [ __ ] or their friends do this or all they want to do is watch golf or they did and you wish they would change and you're so busy in your mind trying to control

this that you're deluding yourself into thinking that they actually might let me cut to the chase no matter how long you wait they're not going to change if don't want to all you can do is make very clear and compassionate requests about what you need and why you want to see the change that's it and then here's the hard part let them show you who they truly are someone's Behavior especially after you tell someone what you need their behavior is the truest form of communication and if you ask somebody for what they need because you

realize I've been dating the potential let me just ask for what I need and then the true person shows up you got to ask yourself the hard question if this person never changes is this the relationship I want how can I describe this with such detail because I was that person and one of the reasons why I regret constantly dating people that I was trying to change is it meant that I spent my 20s in relationships the entire time that's how insecure I was I was constantly in a relationship and it's a huge regret of

mine because I was so focused on turning it into the thing and dating somebody's potential that I missed out on all that incredible time in my 20s with my female friends don't do that you spend way too long in relationships that aren't meant for you when you date the potential instead of waking up and dating the actual person and that's why my advice is to date the person exactly as they are instead of dating the potential of who you wish they really were and that brings me to a really important piece of advice it's not

fair and I'm going to tell you exactly what I mean by that when we come back stay with me welcome back it's your friend Mel Robbins we are going through the 13 pieces of advice that I wish I knew in my 20s we've covered four so far I'm on number five we got eight more to go and number five is really important it's not fair it's not fair that your friend has a bigger salary than you or that her dad's friend got her that job it's not fair that your friends get to golf hang out

while you are studying for the series 7 again this Saturday it's not fair that that chick from college goes on European vacations every summer with her family and she's got the perfect bathing suits and the perfect manicures it's not fair it's not fair that your roommate seemingly has the perfect family life while yours it's so bad they wouldn't even put it on a reality show it's not fair that your sister looks like that and all the men flock to her at the bars while you're sitting there on your own buying your own drinks life is

not fair no matter what life throws your way and how unfair it seems never and I mean never let yourself play the victim that's where you lose your power life is not fair you're right but sitting around wishing it was sitting around all the guys flocked to you instead of your sister sitting around wishing it was you on those European vacations it's not going to get you anywhere you can't change what's happening around you and the sooner you accept that the Freer you will feel so my advice is move on you're spending so much time

and energy wishing your life was different and being jealous of those who you think have it better than you is feeling bad for yourself and questioning why not me is it is it actually working I mean because it's not going to stop other people from continuing to live their lives but it's stopping you from living yours stop focusing on what you think is fair and Trust where your life is leading you and don't ever forget that what happens in a few days and often even in a single moment can change the course of your entire

lifetime and that brings me to the sixth piece of advice that I wish somebody told me in my 20s Define your career wins not by the quantity of your paycheck but by the quality of your circle here's what I mean by that I think in your 20s you spend so much time looking down at your bank account start looking up at the awesome people that are around you you're broke which is why you're focused on money I get it but I want you to focus on the skill that makes you money and that skill is

learning how to talk to people learn how to talk to absolutely everyone and that means you've got to learn how to get out of your comfort zone in your 20s I want you to focus your your time and energy on creating meaningful Connections in your 20s God I wish somebody had taught me this because every time you build a relationship with someone who is working on something really interesting or holds a job you could see yourself in or heck someone cool that you meet at the grocery store or the person next to you at the

nail salon or the woman wearing that awesome outfit on the subway there are so many people around you and a single conversation could potentially help you in your job or in your life so view each and every human being that you talk to as a win people will get you further in your career than any single paying job on your resume ever will because your title your bonus your salary your yearly raise does not mean [ __ ] in the long run but your connections do they are equivalent to how much you're worth is in

the business world and your connections are everything and they are everywhere everywhere don't tell me you don't have a network because your network is created by all the conversations you're willing to have plus let's be real money doesn't come from money money comes from people it's people who give you job offers and loans and promotions and connections and hookups every opportunity to make money comes from another human being I want you to think about this as a daily practice for the rest of your life and by God I wish I knew this in my 20s

I challenge you to talk to one new person every single day and go beyond the hello and here's how you do it because I know in your 20s you can be a little insecure or shy about talking to strangers so this is a simple way to practice this just compliment someone's nails or their shoes people light up when you notice them and you say hey I love your nails you will love that technique or if you're standing in line just turn to the person behind you and say whatat good to order here if you're sitting

next to someone on the train and they're reading a book just turn and ask them hey I've been looking for a good book to read would you recommend that one why do you like it if you start to do this every single day you're going to get better and better and better at connecting with people and guess what happens your circle organically grows and this isn't just about you once you start doing this you'll realize how helpful you can be for other people and in return you're going to gain a sense of purpose and confidence

and it's going to boost your mood you don't even realize how much you have to offer and the more interested you seem in other people both inside work and outside of work the more opportunity will flow back to you that's it learn to talk to other people and the quality of the people around you will increase the seventh thing I wish I knew in my 20s do not be a dick you underestimate how much currency you have if you're a good person so stop talking [ __ ] about your friends behind their back stop eyeing

down the girl who hooked up up with your ex at the bar stop leaving all your dirty dishes in the sink for your roommates to take care of instead go above and beyond to make other people feel appreciated and seen start sincerely thanking the woman who hands you your coffee every day at Starbucks start holding the door open for people and do it gladly start smiling at everybody who walks by you in the street and if you had those periods in your past where you were the bully or you were the toxic friend hello Mel

Robbins it's Never Too Late to Apologize in my experience and I've done a lot of apologizing for the [ __ ] I did in my 20s 95% of the time people are so forgiving don't be a dick number eight now this is a piece of advice that will create more opportunity in your life than anything else I have said today you don't get to want something if you don't have the balls to ask for it you have to ask ask for what you need you think your roommates and friends and partners can just read your

mind they can't just like you can't read theirs and yet here you are angry that they're not picking up on what you need you're angry that they aren't doing the dishes or cleaning up after themselves or stealing your food because they forgot to buy groceries or their boyfriend or girlfriend is hanging out the apartment too much and how do they not know that they are invading on your SP news flash uh passive aggressive text that you're sending or the inability to say to their face what is annoying you doesn't cut it and this applies to

everything if you want your significant other to stop chewing nicotine you don't get to want it unless you ask for it if you want your friends to stop screaming and blasting music when they come home from the bars you don't get to want it unless you ask for it you're going to waste your entire 20s wishing and wanting people would change that they could read your mind and wishing people would would treat you differently and wishing people would do certain things for you and they getting all pissed off and resentful when they don't learn in

your 20s that you don't get to want it unless you're willing to ask for it communication is everything and no a drunk conversation doesn't count although that's a good try I want you to really hear this the moment you open your mouth and you ask for what you want like in adult you're going to feel more in control whether you get what you want or not because all that brooding and wishing that you do internally it's tearing you apart it makes you feel less in control and that brings me to the next thing the ninth

piece of advice that I wish I knew in my 20s and it's this A rock solid morning routine is the fastest way to take control of your life why you need structure to your day how you set the day up is how it ends up I mean think about those mornings that you wake up hungover oh you hit the snooze button 11 times you skip the workout class and breakfast and then you have the audacity to wonder why you have the shakes and a panic attack and the sweats as you're chugging coffee while you're walking

to work I mean I can laugh at it now but that was me in my 20s I would literally walk into the courthouse as a young lawyer smoking my third Marboro light washing it down with a large Dunkin Donuts my stomach in is in knots I'm ready to puke and I'm like I think I have anxiety no woman you have a shitty morning routine and if we can level with each other you don't have a consistent morning routine right now do you don't lie to me don't lie to yourself more importantly but if you reclaim

that time in the morning for yourself before your boss before your roommates before social media uh you're going to feel amazing and if you don't know where to start your friend Mel Robbins has got you covered here are five things proven by research that you can do in less than 20 minutes you can do them hung over to make you feel more energized more confident and a little less anxious today here they are you ready number one just get up on the alarm rings that's it that's it the alarm rings don't be laying there don't

don't hit the snooze button don't let the anxiety consume you don't spend 20 minutes going over in your mind what you wish you would have said at the bar last night nope alarm rings 54321 get up second as soon as you can get outside and get five minutes of sunlight or just light in your eyes as soon as you wake up the research shows that it jump starts your circadian rhythm it helps you sleep it is so good for you next once your butt's outside take a walk walk for 10 minutes and here's the catch

I don't want you to listen to music I don't want you to listen to a podcast I just want you to walk think freely clear your head based on the research just a 10 minute walk outside first thing in the morning boosts your mood wakes you up makes you more clear-headed it is so good for your health next number four drink a glass of water before you chug a cup of coffee because coffee on an empty stomach spikes your cortisol levels I don't care if it's got oat milk or almond milk or anything else in

it ilk it's making you anxious okay so stop drink the water before you drink the coffee and the final thing have some kind of mindfulness practice and the fastest thing to do is journaling just pick up a blank notebook and try some sort of journaling practice gratitude Journal morning Pages bullet journals or just write down one thing that you truly want to happen in your life allow that possibility to flow through you it is time to create a solid morning routine get up when the alarm rings get your butt outside into the bright light take

a 10-minute walk chug your water before you chug your coffee and start a journaling practice you do those five things 80% of the mornings in a week you my friend are going to feel back in control and more like yourself in no time number 10 this is what I wish somebody told me in my 20s it is relevant for every stage of life it is gold you ready get serious about who you're hanging out with I want you to look at the five people that you spend the most time with really look at them not

like creepy look at them but you know like really examine what are their habits are the five people that you spend the most time with are they healthy are they driven does do they have goals how do they treat you how do they make you feel and this is the biggest test can you actually open up and be yourself with them or have they just been your friends forever because in your 20s it is so important that you surround yourself with people that bring out the best in you I mean life is hard enough you

need the people that you spend the time with to lift you up to help you work on what you want and it is okay to lose friends and to grow apart in your 20s in fact it's normal and it happens more in this decade than any other decade of your life why because you're in the great scattering everybody's going all over the place and a friend breakup it can be good for you and good for them too so this is a really important moment in your life to stop gripping so tightly onto the people that

you've always known because you're such a people pleaser and your ego can't have one single person dislike you or say a horrible thing about you so you like constantly you're like gripping on to the wrong people and you're trying to manage what they think about you and you're kind of clingy and annoying and insecure and you're constantly stalking people and second stop you're no longer in high school or in Kappa Kappa booya sorority so just freaking stop you get to pick who you spend time with and it matters and this goes Way Beyond friends starting

in your 20s you spend more time with your co-workers than your families and friends combined and you will start to see your friends less and less so think about that don't stick around a job where you don't connect or Vibe or feel like you belong you're working more than 40 hours a week with these people work with people you admire who treat you well who treat you like a human being who respect your time off who motivate you to be yourself who are challenging you to grow just like with everything in life and every situation

you find yourself in whether it's your job the city you live in the party you're at the small college town it's always all about the people so in your 20s surround yourself with people who lift you up who make you feel like yourself who bring out the best in you because life is always about the people it always has been and it always will be and you are way more in control of this than you think and that brings me to a really important piece of advice that my God I wish somebody you know if

somebody could have like injected advice into my head and just like kind of programmed it there wouldn't that be awesome that you could just wake up and be like oh okay I now know this as a truth and I operate this way this is advice number 11 be your own person and here's a fast way to do it be your own person stop pretending you like things that you don't and you know what I have no business giving you this advice because in my 20s I was one of those chicks that basically morphed into the

same person as my boyfriend everything my boyfriend liked I'm like ooo I like that too I like that too if my new boyfriend liked rap music boom so did I if he was into the Grateful Dead I'm like pass me the bong baby if he was obsessed with fly fishing I would lie and I would say I was obsessed with fly fishing too in fact when I was 26 years old and I was on my first date with my now husband Chris he said he liked to fly fish you know what I did enter Mel

Robbins oh I lied I told him not not just that I like fly fish oh I had to go deep everybody I told him I'd grown up fly fishing with my dad now I had grown up fishing but that's different than fly fishing you know what I'm saying and three months later uh that lie came back to bite me in the ass because we went to go visit his best friend who get this happens to be a [ __ ] fly fishing instructor I mean kill me now big shout out to Jeff clausman uh y'all

say that you want to live authentically well learn to be your own person stop saying you like things that you don't stop saying you've done things that you never have stop doing things just because everybody else is learn to make your own choices if you don't want to go see the baseball game don't go don't go because your friend has tickets you don't like it so don't go if you don't want to go to brunch then don't if you don't like skiing then sit in the lodge with a book if you don't want to drink

today then don't no one gives a [ __ ] what's in your glass but you and drinking is a huge part of the culture in your 20s kind of feels like this gigantic continuation on from college and it feels like when you're partying you're somehow succeeding in your 20s there's so much pressure to go out to the bars on the weekends let alone the week nights with your friends and here's something you may not realize you have a choice to drink or not regardless of what everybody else is doing you can go to a bar

and order a non-alcoholic beer you can go to a bar and ask for uh club soda in a wine glass and if you do want to drink then do it but stop pressuring everyone else to go out with you and to drink with you find the courage to do your own thing in the 20s and this may sound weird but you may not even know who you really are because you've spent so so long just following the Playbook of the pack the greatest gift that you could give yourself in your 20s is to take the

time to find out who you really are now here's the challenging part the fastest way to figure out what you like and who you are as a person is by doing things by yourself because then you don't have the pressure of managing the person with you and whether or not they like the thing that you're doing go out to dinner alone bring your Kindle take yourself to a movie alone explore your interests alone sign up for that improv class or that painting class without bringing a friend try doing things alone to find out what you

really love go to that CrossFit class go to that yoga teacher training alone your relationship with yourself is the foundation of every relationship that you have and learning to be alone with yourself and feeling completely comfortable with that it's a huge part of becoming your own person and that brings me to the 12th piece of advice and boy oh boy this took me way too long to learn like this one I didn't learn until late in my 40s if I had learned this 20 years before Oh my God you ready you are not in competition

with anyone and this is not what social media is telling you but it is the truth about life you are not in competition with anyone success happiness friendship it is in Limitless Supply there's enough love enough friendship enough support enough happiness enough success for every single human being on the planet why do you feel like you're in competition with all your friends or competing with your partner for that matter you know your path is separate from your partner and your friends even if it feels like you guys are like intertwined right now if you're working

at a restaurant and your friend wants to apply there they're not taking something from you if your high school friends start hanging out with your college friends that that's not a threat to you you're in the great scattering and everybody is going in different paces and different places and different timelines you got to trust where your life is going and stop gripping and competing you are only in competition with yourself it's you against you and when I was in my 20s oh my God was I a piece of [ __ ] if my roommate got

a raise oh then I got to get a raise or or or else I'm a failure and you want to know something even more [ __ ] up if my roommate got a raise or all of a sudden was in a new relationship I literally looked like they were stealing something from me as if there was only like one raise or one person that gets to be in relationship and when you look at life that way you will always feel like you're failing not only in your 20s but at life and that's how I looked

at it particularly with money I was so [ __ ] broke I looked at anyone making more money than me and I was like that's it all the money's gone even though they're working at an investment bank and I'm a freaking public defender uh barely able to pay for groceries their promotion at that investment Bank just took away my chance of making an extra dollar so [ __ ] you now seriously that is how just puny and disgusting and shitty of a person I was and the only person you're in competition with is your own

shitty self and by shitty self I mean the part of you that speaks to you in a shitty way and when you're sitting there telling yourself because your friend just got engaged that somehow means that you're never going to get engaged that's the shitty you talking and instead of beating yourself down when somebody else has a win you got to do the opposite it is so hard but you got to do the opposite instead of picking up a bat and bashing yourself in the head grab your freaking pom poms and celebrate everybody's wins why why

and you got to learn how to do this even when inside you're jealous and you're like when am I GNA get pregnant when am I gonna buy a house when am I gonna figure out my [ __ ] life you got to grab those pom poms let me tell you why because when you pick up those pom poms and you cheer for your friends you are demonst ating that you know your win is coming too you are demonstrating that you celebrate other people and I promise you it shifts the energy and the timeline of your

life and the more that you pick up those pom poms and the more that you celebrate for everybody else the faster it will come back to you and this is a huge takeaway in your 20s you're not in competition with anyone else it is you against you so so stop focusing on why isn't this happening and say if I'm willing to keep working for it eventually it's going to happen for me and you might even add in and if things really [ __ ] suck right now boy is a massive wind coming my way and

that brings me to the final piece of advice number 13 and this is number 13 lucky not unlucky number you ready this is the most important one I saved it for last I wish someone had told me in my 20s Mel take the biggest [ __ ] risks of your entire life right now remember you have time and in your 20s you can get so scared and you can be so easily lulled into the idea that good is good enough that feeling safe and comfortable is what you should always be looking for that way of

thinking in your 20s in particular dead [ __ ] wrong I want you to start to create this mindset of taking risks and going big because the only constant in your life for the rest of your life is change remember what are the 20s the great scattering there's no guard rails there's no Playbook there is no consistency here there is nothing but change which is why you're overwhelmed and you're feeling it already aren't you all of a sudden your roommates they're going to move on to other cities they're going to move in with their boyfriends

or their girlfriends or go to graduate school or get engaged they're going to take a trip around the world and you you're going to be completely spun around when they scatter if you haven't taken the time to figure out what big moves you want to make so do not get yourself in a situation like I did where the changes that you're making are triggered by what your friends are doing plan your life get started now be the one in your friend group that is the one who makes the big move first do something big I

know that there is something inside of you that you have always wanted to do always and if you're sitting there saying to yourself M I can't think of anything yes you can just look at who you're jealous of is it a trip that they went on or a company they started or an idea that they have or the fact that they're taking their health super seriously or a book that they wrote start there your 20s is the time to figure out that yes you can make big things happen because there is literally no better time

than now just like that Viral saying when the girl strip finally makes it out of the group chat it is time for your dreams to finally leave the group chat and your brain and come to life why why because you don't figure out your life by watching it you figure out your life by living it and I wish someone had told me to quit my job and figure out how to backpack around the world and what would have my respons I don't have the money for that uh you're right I didn't but I could have

figured out how to do it I wouldn't even let myself do that and God not taking a year to backpack and work my way around the world in my 20s it is one of the biggest life regrets that I have and some of you you might be sitting here listening to me right now and you've got this thing this big thing I want to move I want to do this I want to do that but then what comes up all the excuses in your head as to why you can't make it happen just like I

did do not let that Rob you of the life you could be leading if you have a big risk in mind but you stop yourself from doing it here's my advice just don't be an extremist shrink it how about you do a mini version of it and here's what I mean by that if you want to hike the Appalachian Trail that is such a cool thing to do end to end right but you're scared about your Fitness level or maybe you don't have the time and the money to do it or camping alone for that

long scares you no problem instead of going on the girls trip to Charleston how about you take that time to just do a portion of the Appalachian Trail for five nights alone or you've always wanted to work on a farm in New Zealand or Switzerland but it's too scary to quit your job at the moment and make it happen no problem stop making excuses use your paid time off to volunteer to farm here just try it out you want to build a journal business great well how about you sign up for a free canvas subscription

and you start tooling around with the designs rather than thinking about it every weekend while you're out at the bars drinking with your friends make little wins come true because they add up to bigger dreams and if you can't think of something let your friend Mel give you the biggest boldest move you could make right now live somewhere in your 20s you've never lived move in your 20s move you can always move back plus you live in a remote world now anything is possible a big move doesn't have to be forever but what happens when

you move in your 20s is it changes you forever because moving opens you up to Adventure and opportunity it proves to yourself that you can create an amazing life anywhere that you are in your 20s it is time to get out of Dodge because no growth comes from being comfortable and you know what else happens when you take big risks you grow you grow into the person that you're meant to become and when you grow you can't help but create a beautiful life and you are creating a beautiful life right now you know how I

know that the fact that you took the time to listen to me today whether you clicked on it yourself or somebody that you love sent this to you and was like I love this lady I got to listen this lady Mel Robbins and you spent the time listening to this you know what that tells me it tells me that yes you can take control of your 20s and it proves that you want to and so just to recap here are the 13 things I wish I knew in my 20s number one the idea that the

20s are the time of your life is complete [ __ ] it might actually be one of the hardest Decades of your life so give yourself more grace two stop spending money on stupid [ __ ] three you have so much time four date the person not the potential five it's not fair six Define what a win looks like by the quality of your circle not the quantity in your paycheck don't be a dick eight you don't get to want it if you don't ask for it nine get serious about who you're hanging out with

10 create a rock solid morning routine 11 be your own person stop pretending you like things that you don't 12 you're not in competition with anyone so start cheering for everyone including yourself and finally take big risks in your 20 and yes you're going to have those days when you see people get engaged or promoted or buy that car and then the next day you're sobbing because you feel like it's never going to be you it's okay it's okay I've been there too and I promise you it's part of life those ups and downs it's

just not fair but you can ride the wave and I'm going to promise you something else your day is coming your timeline is your own and you are going to figure it out out please give yourself more [ __ ] credit because you deserve it and start trusting the timing of your life if you want something work for it if you need something ask for it and before I go I want to tell you something especially if nobody else tells you this and especially if you're beating yourself up right now that I love you and

I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create the best life possible even in your 20s now go do it and since you're probably like Mel I'm not done yet I'm not done yet how do I do this how do I do this I got one more video that I want to recommend to you uh and I also want to ask you please subscribe it really helps our Channel it helps me come here and cheer you on and I'm here every day with a brand new video for you please share this video

with all your girlfriends and your male friends and every friend that you got in your 20s let them know put this in your sorority and your fraternity uh group chats share this message because y all can pull it together and subscribe that would help me now cuz you know what you don't get to want it if you don't ask for it so I'm asking you to subscribe all righty here's the next video I want you to watch let them the let them Theory a life-changing mindset hack that 15 million at this point it's like a

100 million people can't stop talking about it and neither will you want you watching