If you have sex even once, this happens for the rest of your life | Sexual ties that break marriages

alice kimanzi there with the song asifi leo and indeed caribousana to the show and i hope you're well this tuesday today we want to focus in on relationships and joining me on the show as we delve into our first topic which is unhealthy ties in marriage is cynthia bon voyage so good to see you here again so good too that you invited me again you're most welcome and uh you know if you guys can relate to this topic we're gonna be opening up our sms line that number is double two triple nine please do send

us your comments and your questions cynthia will be happy to take them you can also reach us on our social media channels that's switch tv kenya on facebook and twitter or switchtvke on instagram and so as we jump into the show uh cynthia you know there's a lot of people who are in unhealthy marriages they're in bad relationships yet you find a lot of people actually stick into those relationships um of course the bible teaches us that you know it is for better or for worse that is the vow that is the covenant that we

make but maybe you can tell us a bit more you know as far as what you've seen as a relationship coach as to some of the sort of unhealthy ties and relationships that people find themselves in okay um first the the thing that we have to establish is that we are talking of unhealthy or ungodly ties joyce they are godly ties and you'll find that we god's desire for us is that we would have healthy bonded ties and relationships that's what we were created for if you look at the book of genesis it says that

um we are made in the image and likeness of god and we believe that he is triune three persons in one and so if we are made like him then we are created in a manner that we have mind body and soul okay so what happens when when people get into a relationship and they have ungodly or unhealthy ties something is broken remember god's original design is that we have healthy bonded relationships that actually bring praise bring glory and honor to his name now when we have unhealthy ties something is very wrong something has happened

in this relationship that is interfering with that tie so you what would happen is that this person or this person's if they're in a relationship where there's um a lack of freedom where you feel that i am not free to worship or or free to relate with with other people because this person is controlling me they could be an unhealthy bond they could be an unhealthy tie so those are some of the things that you'll find that you'll find in a relationship they're not able to get out of it especially if they've been together for

a long time if they're in a marriage relationship that would require some mediation healing to take place what are what are soul ties is that an actual thing is it a is it something that we can explain in term biblically yes and how do they come about okay a soul tie is where one or two people they're in relationship we where we are bonded not just physically but we are bonded emotionally and psychologically there is more than a tie and how do we establish such a tie we establish it through a sexual encounter it can

also be through circumstances that we've made agreements with let me give you an example you've made a covenant or a vow remember the bible speaks about not to enter into vows easily if you enter into a vow a commitment a verbal commitment you get into an ungodly soulish tie yes okay maybe we can delve into some of the unhealthy ties that we are seeing today in different relationships can you walk us through some of the things that are actually breaking down many marriages in this city and you know beyond okay i'll give you a couple

of examples so if if you want to recognize do i have assault i do is my freedom being interfered with do i have trouble making a certain decision or choice then you need to ask yourself am i in a soul type so decision or choice freedom or independence so these are the three key areas that you'll find that a person with a soul type will have difficulty with so let's look at this um a major symptom in nairobi today or in the city is when you find that a couple or a person cannot make an

independent decision they're not able to have that kind of independence because i'm in a soul tie and independence doesn't mean that you know it's my way or the highway but i need to i cannot make even the smallest decision like um do i need to buy this or this small decisions because you there's an element of control an element of fear you know independence is i'm able i'm freed i am i've been blessed to actually do certain things but if i feel there's no freedom because of fear then you need to ask yourself the other

thing that i also find especially where there's been a sexual tie remember the bible speaks in genesis 2 24 that a man shall leave his father and mother cleave to his wife and the two shall become one so what has happened is that because of the sexual encounter and you know it's very interesting sometimes in the wild we say oh it was just one time right it was a one night stand guess what that one encounter that person joyce has stepped into your destiny has stepped into mind body and spirit remember we come in three

and so this person you will find that and i always give this example you'll find that you could be with your spouse but you still have memories or pictures of the last one you are with and that is so damaging that's damaging or you actually have certain memories that come but they come with such a nostalgia you can actually smell or taste the experience because of your past you know there is a tie that has bound you there there's something that is not healthy and sometimes you'll find that the treatment you have on your spouse

negative or positive is based on your last experience so every time your spouse does something you have a memory that comes back into your mind then there is something that is interfering this there's a third person you could have you could have been away from the man or the woman for 10 15 years but this person still lives in the present and the now wow that is it's a very scary thought it is because in a sense you've jeopardized your entire relationship yes because of this nostalgia yeah can you walk us through i mean how

does someone get out of that situation what is the hope for someone who finds themselves in that sort of situation where as you're saying maybe this relationship was 15 years ago yeah but you're still dealing with the consequences of your action then yeah today yes let me give let me give it in this illustration when a woman gives birth before she gives back this baby is attached with what an umbilical cord that cord is feeding this baby these nutrients and whatever it is that so there's an attachment so what happens is that when the baby

is ready to come forth the doctor has to do what cut the cord what they're doing is saying you are now a life in and of yourself that needs to work independent from mom before for nine months this child was not independent okay they there was a core dependency now when we come to breaking of soul ties we are breaking them in that same fashion is that these are dependency and and by the way we have unhealthy ties between parents and children okay so there's between marriage but there's also children because they this is also

interfering relationships in marriage where you find i have a very close bond with my mother that i choose that i can't make any decisions outside of mom and i've seen this quite a bit as a relationship coach when we're doing pre-marital counseling you'll find the son is still very attached to mummy and there's a tie and sometimes we say oh he's a spoiled boy he's oh he's this no no no there's a thai so breaking the tie requires first acknowledging and seeing that i'm in trouble i have a tie you as you listen to my

voice right now you're saying okay i think i can sense that i've had an attachment that is not healthy acknowledge that number two go to god in prayer and repentance go ahead and pray and be released of that bond in in jesus name remember our bond is unto christ okay so if you know that you have an unhealthy relationship go ahead and and and break it speak to god concerning it wow release it wow this is very serious stuff you guys because really sometimes we blame other people for the consequences of our the circumstances of

our relationship but what you're saying here today is oftentimes it is our own decisions that have sort of put us in the place where we are because then you attract a sort of person even based on the sort of soul ties you have can you talk about a lot of people complain that they can't find good men or they can't find good women or that the people who come to them are or you know chase after them are bad people is there something to be said about we actually attract who we are i actually firmly

believe that and maybe isn't that amazing i love that but especially if you have a bond that is an unhealthy bond i've had so much especially from ladies saying that every man that i've been with has been abusive you're attracting because you have an unbroken and healthy tie your spirit seems to attract the same kind of person because it's something broken in us there's something broken that has not come to the place of wholeness in christ that then every time and it can even come from the place of childhood you saw an abusive father there

was an unhealthy relationship where you saw what unhealthy relationships looks like and then it's transferable okay so i've seen that where we women will say that you know there are no good men in the city but maybe what i need to do is deal with me deal with the things that i know okay and even ask god please reveal to me what is in my past that is stopping me from actually truly being married because i know even people men or women that are truly married but have never been able to be one with their

spouse wow and and and they say you know we we've tried everything but i cannot seem to bond with my spouse then what i really need to do is go back to my past oh my goodness that i can affect my future wow guys is this your experience i mean are you resonating with what cynthia is here talking about today are there unhealthy ties in your marriage are there soul ties from before that are actually influencing your relationship today we're going to be talking about this and so much more and taking your questions and comments

again the sms line is double two triple nine all this right after this short break right here on full circle with joyce [Music] you