The 'Tension Secret' That Makes Her Chase You (Most Men Get This Wrong)

so we've all experienced those moments of tension with a girl like when there's silence after a joke or a compliment when your eyes meet and neither of you look away maybe it's the Split Second of friction when another guy comes over and he starts talking to her in front of you or that moment when she pulls back her attention and doesn't reply to your text as quickly as she normally does most guys instinctively try to diffuse these moments or break the silence or ease the tension they try to make things comfortable for her and for

themselves again but what if I told you that leaning into these moments is actually the key to increasing a woman's attraction and her desire for you in this video I'm going to show you five secrets to handling tension in a attractive masculine way and why in a dating scene where it can feel like women hold all the power this is the single most important thing you can do to stand out and draw a woman in I'll break down real world examples of how to master these moments of tension so by the end of this video

you'll know exactly how to use a special type of tension to make her feel that powerful spark with you and even more importantly how to stop blowing some of the crucial moments with her by diffusing things too soon hi I'm Bobby Rio and having coached guys now for the past 15 years I can't tell you how many guys ruin things with a girl because of their inability to keep their cool when they experience some kind of tension or friction with a woman I get it because I was guilty of this looking back now I can't

help but cringe at how I murdered so many good opportunities like um sitting on a couch talking to a girl at a party and the conversation's good but then there's this silence and we kind of look at each other we make that Split Second of eye contact and instead of Leaning into it I'd internally panic and fumble for something to say and i' just completely ruin the vibe that was there why because I couldn't handle the tension one of the cringiest examples was the time I had finally kissed this Fem friend of mine a girl

that I had a crush on for a while and if you've ever had that experience of of of you know finally getting a girl that you've wanted for a while it's like the world just suddenly clicks and the universe makes sense and you're floating on Cloud9 picturing what your wedding's going to look like well that was me the next few days are electric right we're texting back and forth there's playful banter and I'm smiling at my phone like an idiot and I'm like this is it right I got her I won the game Friday rolls

around and I'm all full of confidence and I shoot her a text saying I really want to see you tonight and I'm expecting her to immediately reply with like me too right just as excited but crickets no response the next day comes Saturday comes I wake up I'm clutching my phone still no response here's where I need to pause the story and point out something crucial that tension that you're feeling right now like listening to this that discomfort that uncertainty that's exactly what I was feeling multiplied by about a thousand and that tension is pure

gold when it comes to the visible game of Attraction if you know how to handle it but I didn't know how to handle it back then so by Monday morning I'm panicking right I'm thinking [ __ ] maybe I I waited too long to ask her to meet up after our kiss maybe she doesn't know that I like her you know I'm doing all kinds of mental gymnastics trying to explain why she hasn't responded for 3 days and somewhere in this psychotic state of mind I convinced myself to send her a text message not just

any text message a text message laying out exactly how I feel about her and how much I care now I'll spare you the details because I cringe too much even thinking about it but use your imagination right it was that bad I think I used the word love and we had kissed one time at that point now as you can probably guess um this didn't end well her response was a polite text that said like thank you that was really sweet or something like that um but then when I tried to transition that text into

her meeting up that night she says she's tired and maybe another night and just like that whatever spark was there is gone I taken that spark of tension that we had after that kiss and I stomped it out with both feet in trying to force certainty I killed the very thing that made the situation exciting for her see what I didn't understand then but painfully learned over the years is that tension is not your enemy in dating that discomfort you feel when things are uncertain when you're not sure it's not a problem to be solved

it's a feature not a bug this is something that I deal with clients all the time now keep in mind these clients pay me more per hour than most of the top attorneys in the country get so you'd think that when we develop a plan together they would stick to it right wrong I'll give you an example of a client of mine Carl Carl is trying to get out of the friend zone with this girl and I explained to him that if you're always there as sort of her backup plan her go-to guy when things

don't work out with the other guys she's never going to take you seriously right as an option so Carl has plans to hang out with her on Thursday days so I tell him just cancel the plans with her right I say cancel her plans don't give her an explanation don't try to reschedule just cancel and let her wonder what happened just give her some some time of like did I do something wrong is he mad did he meet somebody new just give her a few days to wonder what's going on well he let her Wonder

for about 15 minutes but then she texts him back and she's like hey are we still good or you know something like that so Carl messages me and he's like how should I respond you know what should I tell her she's going to be mad if I don't respond what should I do you know just panicking we've all been there and I said just ignore her I mean this is a girl that had ignored him countless times and he's still chasing her right well next time I talked to Carl he didn't just text her back

he picked up the phone and he called her and he's trying to convince me now that the hourlong conversation he had with her clarifying his feelings and laying all his cards on the table was a good thing it wasn't here's the deal he couldn't handle the tension he couldn't handle the uncertainty of what she would do what she was thinking was she mad would she forget about him right the truth is most men make some version of the same mistake double texting when she doesn't respond seeking immediate clarification about where is this going confessing their

feelings too soon trying to lock down plans too quickly they don't realize is that tension is what makes the stage of Attraction so power ful it's what keeps her thinking about you it's what creates the anticipation that makes her want more right it's if you've been watching my videos this concept probably isn't super new to you but chances are whether it's the uncertainty of what she's feeling or the uncertainty of whether or not she wants to kiss you or will she get bored if I don't keep filling the dead air when we're having a conversation

and talking most guys are like drunken firefighters extinguishing any little spark of tension that shows up when they're with a woman that they like why so it all comes down to this it's something that I call the Paradox of comfort Paradox of comfort one of the biggest misconceptions guys have when it comes to attraction is the belief that Comfort is the key to winning a woman over it's like you think if you can just make her feel comfortable if you can smooth out every bump every Awkward Moment you'll make everything easy right that she'll naturally

want to be with you but this couldn't be further from the truth I want to write some something else that is is pretty important to understand Comfort kills attraction it's literally the death of desire right the par Paradox is this your desire to resolve tension to keep everything safe and smooth actually creates more problems and the reason is simple when you're always trying to make her comfortable you're signaling that you can't handle the tension yourself and that's a problem because tension is a key element in attraction women are drawn to men who can sit in

the discomfort who can hold the tension without rushing to resolve it think about it the most exciting Stories the most thrilling movies the most engaging conversations they all have one thing in common they have Stakes they have uncertainty they have a sense of what will happen next this is what keeps people glued to their seats and it's the same thing that keeps a woman engaged interested and attracted to you when you eliminate tension you eliminate excitement when you try to be comfortable and predictable you become boring and what do I always say boredom equals Death

with women right what other small moments do we avoid tension um we give her safe predictable compliments we don't challenge her view or her opinion on something when she's doing something disrespectful we don't call her out on it we fill in details that she doesn't need like if you're out with your friends she doesn't need to know who you're with or where you went or whether there's other women there or not that's just you feeling like you have to ease her mind and make her comfortable now you might be thinking but isn't that being considerate

on the surface this might seem considerate but deep down it's driven by fear fear of rejection fear of conflict and fear of losing her approval and that's what makes it so needy weak and unattractive on the other hand embracing tension is one of if not the most masculine quality you can possess and to be clear masculinity isn't about muscles or bossing people around or you know having a temper or getting in fights it's about leaning into tension instead of running away from it when you're operating from a masculine frame you're not afraid to disagree with

a girl you're not afraid to tease her you're not afraid to flirt with her with a bit of an edge right where you don't stick to the water down PG nice guy script and when you do this it's a massive turn on to women so there were these two neuroscientists oi ogus and Sally gotam um if I pronounce their names wrong forgive me but they did this giant study on sexual desire and instead of asking men and women what turns them on they studied billions of web searches to find out what they're looking for right

what are they looking for when they're trying to you know arouse themselves and when it came to women the erotic material they searched out unlike men who you know as you can guess were looking for pictures of naked women women looked for stories and these stories almost all had insane elements of tension the basic premise is how can we inject as much tension into this story as possible and then how can we have the man just lean in and increase that tension until the woman can't take it right there's no stories out there of nice

guys showing up with a bouquet of roses and from an evolutionary standpoint this makes total sense being able to handle tension is a signal of strength this is what women are subconsciously looking for someone who can stand strong when things get tough who doesn't lose his cool who can lead her through the chaos the guy who can't handle a half a second of eye contact without turning red and being all embarrassed nope the guy too nervous to lean in for the kiss because he's afraid that she'll think it's too soon nope when you can maintain

a bit of tension you're showing her that you don't need to rush to resolve things that you're confident enough to let things hang in the air to let the vibe build to play out how it plays out and this lets her relax okay so let's break down some of the most common tension points and why why they matter so I'm going to write these down all right so first is the pullback test so one of the most common tension points is when a woman suddenly becomes distant even after things seem to be going well maybe

she stops replying to your text as quickly or she cancels plans last minute um very similar to the story that I told in the beginning maybe you don't hear from her for a couple days well for most guys this creates a wave of panic and the overwhelming urge to chase her down to find out what's wrong and to reassure her of your interest but that's a trap right as we've already learned from my mistake and I'm I'm pretty positive that most guys have made this mistake at some point in their life probably more than once

the urge to chase when she pulls back is the shest way to destroy attraction why because it shows that you're desperate to resolve the tension instead of sitting comfortably with it the pullback is a test of your frame it's her way of seeing if you'll lose your cool if you'll get needy if you'll fall apart just because she's not giving you constant validation when you can resist the urge to chase you show her that you're secure you're confident and that your selfworth isn't dependent on her immediate attention it tells her I'm still here I'm still

solid and I'm not shaken by this that's attractive because it communicates strength chasing on the other hand screams weakness but what if she doesn't like me what if she's pulling away for good part of operating in the masculine frame is not getting overly attached to the outcome write this down because it's a critical mindset to operating in this masculine frame that I keep talking about enjoy her but don't need her here's what I tell my clients if you play it cool yeah she might not always come back but if you get needy and insecure she's

definitely not coming back um the pullback test reveals more about you than it does about her like do you have scarcity mentality that feels the need to lock her down before you even get to know her are you emotionally autonomous or is your mood entirely dictated by whether a woman is giving you attention or not okay here's another example of attention test pauses and silences so you meet a girl at a party you're talking to her the conversation flowing you sense a Vibe but then a moment of silence sets in do you panic do you

get diarrhea of the mouth trying to fill it with nervous chatter or weak jokes or questions that lead straight to interview mode here's the deal when you rush to fill every quiet moment you're showing her that you can't handle the tension and that not being able to handle the tension kills that mood that was developing between you but when you let the silence hang you're showing her that you're comfortable and you're confident and that you don't need to force the conversation you're giving her the chance to think about you to feel the moment and most

importantly to move things into a more seductive Vibe okay here's something to write down a lot of guys when you're trying to eliminate the tension they miss this escalation needs tension every interaction has a moment of tension before things escalate whether it's making a move to kiss her suggesting a more intimate setting or even just getting closer to her on the couch this moment is filled with tension and it's where most guys hesitate they feel the urge right they want to make a move they want to go for the kiss they want to grab her

hand but then they start to overthink it they start second guessing themselves and ultimately what happens is they do nothing right hesitation is a killer of Attraction it tells her that you're not confident in your own desires and if you're not confident why should she be now in a minute I'm going to give you a few action steps to work on this and make being comfortable with tension part of the masculine frame that you start operating from so it becomes a part of who you are and here's a bonus right the most successful people in

life whether it's athletes that make it to the pro level the people who start a business the guys in the uh the sales office who make more sales than the other 99% of sales been combined they are all masters of handling tension now you might be learning this to improve with women that's probably why you're watching this video but handling tension is critical to getting rich handling tension is critical to being successful in any area of life okay first here's a few more moments of breaking tension that you want to be aware of all right

so over texting we kind of covered that a little earlier but when she's distant if you feel something's off with her right if her texts are a little different don't just start texting her fishing like what's wrong is something bothering you another thing a backpedaling right this is where you make a joke and then you backpedal and you overe explain yourself if the other person doesn't get it or if you think like oh did that offend her so you start explain oh that was just a joke right U maybe you tease her playfully but when

she doesn't immediately laugh you panic and you say just kidding um this might seem polite but it shows a lack of conviction um nervous laughter during serious moments little kids do this but if you're a grown man doing it it's a red flag that you have serious issues handling tension overly apologizing or apologizing unnecessarily it's good to apologize don't get me wrong when you've generally done something wrong by all means apologize but too many guys overuse apologies as a way to smooth over tension even when there's nothing to really apologize about sorry was that too

forward sorry I didn't mean to like say that or make you uncomfortable right these kind of unnecessary apologies make it clear that you're seeking approval that you're afraid of stepping on toes then we've got um seeking reassurance when things are uncertain so it's natural to want to know where you SP stand especially when you feel like things are are a bit shaky with a girl right you're like a man what's going on here you're all in your head but here's the thing constantly asking questions like are you sure you okay do you still like me

uh was that date okay when you're doing that you're going to Road any attraction that she is actually feeling seeking reassurance makes you look needy and insecure here's the deal and I'm going to say this in sort of a rapid fire kind of way avoiding tension is the Hallmark of mediocrity if you want to live a mediocre life avoid tension women are unconsciously testing your ability to handle tension you have to be aware of this and you have to lean into the tension instead of Leaning away from it tension isn't your enemy it's your opportunity

to display strength instead of panicking use moments of Silence to look at her to hold eye contact and to move closer to her we had mentioned earlier that tension is critical to escalation right you can't move things forward with a woman um without experiencing some sort of tension and if you try to diffuse that tension you're not going to ever move things forward with her now she might even uh playfully tease you sometimes right she might say something mildly provocative right she might might even be vaguely insulting a lot of times this is a test

of your frame if you respond defensively you failed if you handle it with humor and confidence in that masculine frame that we keep talking about you pass if she says oh I bet you take all your dates here and all you got to do is smile and say of course but you're the only one who hasn't tried to escape yet you make a joke about it you don't get defensive you don't say no you're the first person I've taken here you know you just make a joke right just let it roll off you light playful

and completely in control Comfort seeking Behavior kill attraction when you try to make things as comfortable as possible you're stripping it of all the things that spark a strong desire here's a fact too many guys need to hear this cuz it is critical if you want a woman to fall in love with you a woman needs to feel some degree some fear of losing you for her attraction to grow if you remove that fear entirely and you do it too early right if very quickly she does into a new relationship she has no fear that

she will lose you her attraction levels will never get out of first gear she has to have some fear of losing you and too many guys want to remove that fear for a woman because they think it's helping their cause but it's really hurting their cause true growth happens outside your comfort zone your comfort zone is actually a cage that's keeping you mediocre if you want to grow in any area of Life you've got to embrace discomfort instead of avoiding it now in a minute I'm going to give you a few exercises to do this

week but I also recommend if you haven't already join me on my free class three steps to status value and Social Power because in this free 90-minute class I walk you through how to increase the value women place on you how to eliminate specific low status behavior and how to build a reputation in your social scene as a high value High status man now there's a couple of sessions to choose from and I'm going to put a link in the description below okay so here's what I want you to try this week though this is

what I want you to do it'll give you an idea of how comfortable you currently are with tension and it'll give you a glimpse of how women react differently when you lean into a tension and it's it's very very simple the tension tolerance challenge very simple for one week here's what I want you to do hold eye contact 2 seconds longer than comfortable in every interaction let silence exist 5 seconds before you start speaking delay responding to texts by at least 1 hour the idea here is just to do kind of an audit on where

you stand in terms of your ability to handle tension I want to see I want to see if you recognize where you're getting uncomfortable right is cuz like you say all 5 Seconds without talking oh that's easy but is it right if a girl is talking to you or you're talking to a woman or even if you're talking to somebody you know at at an event can you just stand there and not rush to fill silence a lot of guys are going to be shocked that you know 2 seconds of eye contact they can even

handle a half a second of eye contact so you want to just get an idea of where you are with tension and realize that maybe this is something that if you're going to operate in this more masculine frame you've got to get comfortable with here right again you just want to do an audit you want to see where you currently stand now as I just mentioned I also have a class this class goes deep into the idea of value status and Charisma what these things are about and really what these things are about is your

internal level of how much value you demand from people a lot of people when they hear the word status they think of Lamborghinis or they think of you know a rich guy or bottle service at the club but really status is about your internal level of value you place on yourself how much value you expect other people to treat you with and people pick up on this a woman especially can immediately sense like does this guy place value on himself or is he giving away all his power the minute that I meet him now the

reason I bring this up with tension is because when you can't handle tension you're showing that you're giving her too much power right because you're not able to handle the tension of oh no she I have to like talk immediately to ease her Comfort um somebody who comfortable and has that internal sense of value doesn't have that feeling they don't have that of this person's going to walk away from me if I don't constantly entertain them so do you put a high price tag on yourself so when people meet you do they see you as

a high status guy so what the free class below does is it walks you through three steps the first step is how do I project that I'm a high value man and we talk about 12 ways 12 characteristics of the man that is naturally seen as being high value then we talk about how to communicate it so when you're talking to a woman how do you communicate this value without sounding like you're trying to impress her or trying to you know win her over because trying to impress somebody actually lowers your value communicating your value

is talking from a place of already being high status the way that you talk to her the way that you communicate with her is from a place of already having the status not talking to her to get the status you're talking to her as if you already have the status the third part of the class is how to build a reputation over time throughout your entire social Circle as has that guy that high value High status guy and it's a lot easier than most guys think because as you'll learn in this class it's all about

perception it's all about how people perceive you and you can control the way that somebody perceives you that's a really important distinction you are in control of how you're perceived by other people and that's what this class digs into is how to control that perception you're going to learn how to make sure that you're seen by the women in your life as having high value as having high status and as being socially powerful so I have a link to that class below also if you like this video hit like subscribe to my channel and leave

me a comment and let me know what you want me to cover in the next video