My Mom Demands Me to Give Her One of My Lungs

My mom demands me to give her one of my lungs. I am an 18-year-old male in a chess. My mom is 53 and has lung disease, specifically chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD).

She's been ill for the past few years, but it has gotten progressively worse recently. Smoking is like her life, and she can't stop even with the doctor's warnings. Our family got tested to see if we are a match for a possible organ donation, and I was the only match.

The transplant team spoke with me privately and told me that this is my choice, my long, my life, that I wouldn't be a bad son or person if I denied. What's making this choice so difficult is that my mom has been treating me terribly all my life, and my dream of making it to college basketball will be crushed. The doctor said that I will be indefinitely out of commission and wouldn't be able to partake in strenuous physical activity.

So, not only is she expecting and demanding I give her one of my organs, but she could be yet another reason for my life failures. School was never easy with all aspects, but the only thing I had going for me was Athletics. A basketball recruiter told me I have a shot if I train really hard.

Well, that can't happen if I get cut open. I'm conflicted and do not want to regret being the cause of my mom's potential death or the blame I will get from my family as her health declines. My dad told me he will never forgive me if I don't go through with it, that I'm dead to him and shouldn't expect to keep living with them as I'm now an adult.

Update one: I will not give Mom my lung. After reading all of your thoughtful yet crystal clear comments, I will not be donating one of my lungs to my mom. She will be ungrateful, continue smoking, and will most likely pass away after a short while anyway.

Also, my quality of life will be diminished greatly, and I would regret it. I know so many of you were worried sick and asked for an update. Well, here it is.

I made the right decision and hope I am strong enough to deal with the consequences if my end dad kicks me out. To be honest, I'm terrified, but knowing I have an amazing Community by my side is a pleasant Comfort. Thank you for the crucial advice.

Thank you for caring. Update two: transplant rules are there for very specific reasons and have been refined over the decades. An irresponsible chain smoker will never receive a healthy lung.

Not until they prove to themselves in the doctors that health is a priority. My mom has not been willing to do that, and so the doctors informed her that the procedure is not possible. She already failed multiple tests and disobeys doctor's orders.

She thinks they'll agree to cut me open just because I'm her son and a match. I already said no and have the doctor's support. So what does she and my end dad do?

They make my life as difficult as possible, hoping I'll do the right thing for the family. The past month has been a nightmare. The next thing they'll try to do is squash my chances at college basketball.

The holidays were depressing with no celebrations. Forget about gifts and parties, I don't even remember the last time I had a genuine smile or laugh. How do I cope with the mistreatment and manipulation?

I need to interact with people who have so much more in common with me. I need your understanding. It would be a relief to read your sensible thoughts and get a break from the insanity of my end parents.

Update three: a few days after I made my previous post, I accompanied mom to the hospital for another checkup. As her health declines, we hardly speak now since I explicitly told her that she won't be getting my lung. I drove with her car because she is in no condition to do so, and she always criticizes my driving.

Everything I do is nitpicked and prodded repeatedly. Like I said, we barely speak now, but that won't stop her from speaking about me indirectly, like I'm not even present, in a passive-aggressive way. One statement keeps repeating in my head: if this illness doesn't kill me soon, it'll be in a car wreck.

Either way, both could while coughing uncontrollably have been prevented. You see how insensitive and manipulative she is. She effortlessly degrades and tries to guilt trip me all the time.

Anyways, we get to the doctor's office, and after the usual workup, the hard truth comes out. The doc told her that even if I said yes, there is no way they would be going through with the operation due to evidence of clear coercion. She can't help herself and would argue with me in front of hospital staff.

I guess the nurses overheard her threats towards me and informed the transplant team that me having a conversation with the doctors privately a couple weeks ago hinting at the abuse and my wishes. So what does mom do next? She goes crazy and starts yelling belligerently at the doctor, making absurd accusations and threatening to sue everyone.

Except her and my end dad know she has no credibility or basis for a case. She did this to herself. It's all on her, and I refuse to feel guilty for caring about my health and future.

I needed to rant and get this out there. Thank you to everyone who has been showing support over the past few weeks. It means a lot.

Update four: many of you have asked to stay updated to what is going on. Well, she kind of started to try and quit the. Smoking, as you know, the withdrawal is intense and difficult, to say the least.

This means that she is impatient, frustrated, and complains about everything. She is taking her discontent out on me by name-calling, belittling, and taking away privileges. Anything she has power over is used against me: internet, phone plan, car access, even opening my mail.

When we argue, she hints at how I should reverse my decision. As someone said in the last update, it'll be a snowball's chance in hell before I give in to her. My enabler and sometimes nar dad just make things worse by siding with his soulmate.

They are perfectly destructive for each other, and all I want is to be far away from this soon-to-burst toxic bubble. I'm currently at the school library typing this up using the public Wi-Fi while trying to avoid spending time home as much as possible. I'm hanging in there, everyone.

Update 5: Yesterday, I found out that she met with a lawyer two times. I came back from school and overheard mom bragging to End Dad about how she is going to get back at the hospital for rejecting the transplant. I tried sneaking upstairs to avoid them, but she saw me and told me about everything in a boastful manner.

She spoke on how serious the lawyer took her and that she is credible. I knew it was all nonsense when she said, "I read articles online and stories of patients being discarded like trash all because the profanity damn hospital doesn't want to take unnecessary risks and spare their more profanity reputation. " Then she praised herself for lasting 16 days without smoking and talked about earning a new lung.

This is the exact mentality that I talk about; she feels entitled to another organ. It's ridiculously delusional. I asked her where she got the money to pay the lawyer, and she said, "I used the money that was meant for your graduation gift.

You know, since you made it clear that family is not precious and all that. " That is when I walked to my room. I felt so, so dirty just being around so much toxicity.

I actually took two showers that night. I felt much better after calming down and remembering that there is a happy future ahead. All I have to do is be patient.

I was still amazed at the confidence she has in this case. So, she did some Googling, big deal. That doesn't change the fact that I was being coerced, and the docs know she is my mother.

A part of me feels bad, but enough is enough. All that lawyer cares about is her money because there's absolutely no basis to her claims. If she somehow takes them to court, I'm sure the judge is going to have a hard time not laughing in her face.

Right now, the last thing I want is for her to waste someone else's lung because it will be ruined. I kind of feel like sabotaging her smoke-free 16-day streak by leaving a lit cigarette and tempting her, but as enticing as that sounds, I won't because I'm not like my parents and I'll never be. Update six edit: I should have included a brief summary providing context for those that do not know.

Mom is ill and needs a lung transplant. She tried to coerce me from my lung, and the doctors found out, so they denied her an operation due to ethical concerns. She wasn't even on the list because a recipient must be at least 6 months smoke-free to be considered, which she isn't, but she is in denial and threatened to sue the hospital and so on.

She is not credible and has no case. Check my post history for more info. This is a short update.

It has been a week and a half since the last one, and I figured something is better than nothing. Things are mostly the same, except I came across these nicotine patches on the kitchen table next to the empty ashtray. I asked Mom about it, and she said, "Oh, those they help with the cravings, that's all.

" I'm still clean and haven't smoked for a month now. I'm pretty sure that the point of it all is to be nicotine-free, not just cigarette-free. There was no point in arguing because in her mind she is 100% right all the time.

Other than that, I've been hitting the books hard and staying positive. Thank you to those that reached out and for everyone that takes the time to stay posted on my crazy life. You're awesome.

Update seven: I was working on some homework in my room and went to the restroom. I usually leave my laptop locked, but completely forgot this time. Mom walks into the room for whatever reason, looks at my laptop, and starts snooping.

I come out of the restroom and see her with a red face filled with rage. She yells, "You wrote about me to strangers, how could you? " I was stunned and felt the world spinning as I stood there speechless.

We got into an argument as the only thing on my mind was how she violated my privacy. I remembered I had a Reddit tab open. She never uses this site and has no idea what my account name is or even what a subreddit is.

She still doesn't because all she saw was a body of text and read a few sentences. She mentioned that she wasn't violating my privacy and that she was just trying to Google something. Dad heard all the commotion, and Mom went downstairs to tell him.

They both turned on me. I wasn't answering their questions because Mom was behaving like a child while coughing all over the place. They ganged up on me, calling me nasty names.

I snapped and screamed, "Yes, I. " Write about you and your abuse, because it's the only way I know how to cope with this. Her face got even more red, and for a second, I thought she was going to cough up one of her black, smoked-up lungs.

She went to the kitchen to get some water, and I followed to tell her to never use my laptop again. That is when she threw another fit and smashed two dish plates all over the floor. I quickly backpedaled and stepped on a sharp shard, cutting the bottom of my right foot.

Real bad. There was blood everywhere, and I was in so much pain after the adrenaline wore off. Mom started crying, can you believe that?

Then rushed upstairs to her room, and Dad helped me out, but not without continuing to blame me and saying, "This is all your fault. " Now here I am at the hospital getting stitches. I can barely walk because of the intense pain.

I guess this was all a matter of time. With Mom facing death and her poor, deteriorating health, she finally blew up, and it was directed towards me. Maybe all those delusions wore off where she believed that there was a case to sue the hospital for negligence.

I don't know. I'm just in shock at how rapidly my life took a turn for the worst. And Dad is in the waiting room and keeps getting calls from Mom, who is still freaking out.

The internet is talking about me. I suspect he is only here out of obligation or something. The doctor asked how I got hurt; I only told him I stepped on broken ceramic because it's all overwhelming right now.

I'm 18, and they would not call CPS if they knew everything. Mom cut off my cell service, and if she knew I was using the hospital Wi-Fi writing this, she would probably. .

. I don't even know at this point. Doctor is back, I got to go.

Thanks for reading. This is a nightmare, but I will stay strong. Update 8: Many and many of you showed support, along with much appreciated concern for my well-being.

I am safe, don't worry, even though I realize this is an unsafe environment. I have my guard up and will never trust her again. Mom apologized over and over again when Dad drove me home.

It was so surreal and uncomfortable. I gave her the silent treatment because the last thing I want is to give her any sort of ammunition. I limped up to my room, trying to avoid reopening the wound on my right foot, and just rested in bed, staring into an abyss for a while.

It must not have been more than 30 minutes until Mom walked in to try and fix things. She claims she is worried about me, but doesn't realize how selfish it is to not give me space while worrying about me. All she cares for is herself.

I told her to leave me alone. I was really hungry, but couldn't bring myself to go downstairs, and the thought of eating food cooked by her sickened me to the core. So, I fell asleep after reading dozens and dozens of amazing comments left by you all.

When I woke up, Mom cooked an entire breakfast and was uncharacteristically kind. I ate and then went back to my room without saying much. After everything that happened yesterday, I think skipping a couple of days of school is all right.

At the same time, I hate staying here all day. I wish I could be more mobile. I'd go to the library or something.

Anywhere but here. I see all this kindness as a way to guilt and manipulate; she is always pulling strings, playing a disgusting game. I will never forget what she did to me, and I count the days until I can be free.

I can't wait until I graduate and go to college. Some of you have suggested I secure my mail and laptop; I will do that because she may try to sabotage college so I stay home. My foot feels a little better; it is very sore and periodically has a pulsing type pain that goes away after a couple of minutes.

Thank you for everything, friends. Update 9: I hope that I'm not posting too much; I just don't want to leave you all in the dark and possibly have people worry. I feel comfort, clarity, peace, and relief interacting with everyone here.

I also feel tremendous relief at Mom being gone for the next couple of days, like I can finally breathe. Well, I still have both lungs, haha. I do not know if this trip was planned prior or if she is doing it on purpose after what happened, but I will definitely take advantage of her absence and use the time and space to clear my mind.

This should be a nice weekend. It's kind of sad when you think about it though, that this is what it takes for me to have some fun: her being gone. I envy other teens; at the same time, I feel fortunate in a way to be this mature and aware at this age.

I will never allow people to treat me the same way as my endp parents have. This time, I know what to watch out for; I know the signs and subtle behavior cues. All of these narcs have a tell, something that completely exposes their true self.

It's so difficult to notice with family friends at first because there are a ton of emotions involved, but when you are more objective, then strangers and acquaintances who have Narc traits will be much easier to spot. Oh, look at me, giving tips to the pros. A month ago I knew so little, and thanks to you all, I learned so much.

Happy Friday. Update 10: I have been. Keeping my distance and staying positive, my foot is healing quickly with no infection.

I don't have much of a limp anymore, although there is still pain a few times a day if I walk a lot. Mom left me alone and hasn't been bothering me. She is still sort of love bombing, but not as much as the first 3 minutes after the incident.

It's obvious and I don't fall for it. Mom coughed up blood this morning and went to the hospital. The doc put her on new meds.

She is still smoke-free, or rather says that she is. I don't know and don't really care to be honest. Her health has been declining for a while now and without a transplant it doesn't look good, but there is no transplant because the doctors don't trust her anymore from the failed blood tests due to smoking to the coercion for my lung.

Y no new lung for you to waste. . .

Mom. My narcdad is still enabling like usual. I don't get the stronghold she has on him.

One time he told me a story of how they fell in love. I guess Mom was such a great person before having me, after I was born things started to change. He is blind to her shameful behavior.

I'll never place myself in that type of relationship where I ignore such toxicity. He's not as bad as her, but not intervening and supporting me is bad enough. All in all, things are relatively okay.

I'm focusing on school and have appointments with the school counselor. I'm feeling good at the moment. Thank you for reading, have a great day/night everyone.

Update 11: I just came back from the hospital and the craziest thing happened. Mom had an appointment and asked me to take her. She was kind lately and I had the time, so we went to the doctor's office.

Her health has been declining and it has been difficult finding the right balance of medications. This resulted in her impatience towards the doctor. Not only that, but she is always reminded of the lung situation every time there is a doctor visit.

The checkup started off civil until Mom began raising her voice, complaining about the pain and the meds not working. The doc asked her to lower her voice and instead she increased the belligerence. Doc warned her that she would have to leave, but then she started getting in his face.

I tried to intervene and she got even more wild. Then the doc asked the nurse to call for security. It was like she knew it already went too far, and that is when she started throwing things everywhere.

Mom continued her insane fit while the doc and I are trying to stop her. She punched him in the face, and I decided to call the police. This has gone too far and now she is assaulting a medical professional.

She saw me dialing, rushed towards me, grabbed the phone and slammed it on the ground. I have never seen her like this, even when she threw those plates at me a few weeks ago. This was much more violent and unhinged.

It was taking security forever to get there, and my phone screen was shattered so I couldn't call the police. The doctor and I quickly left the room and closed the door as Mom proceeded to throw things. Eventually help arrived and she was taken to jail after being psychologically evaluated first.

I gave my statement to the officers and drove back home. I wasn't going to the police station to see her in such a sad state, there would be no point and she deserved the punishment. Dad left work and went straight to see her.

The first thing he did was hire a lawyer and began proceedings to bail her out. She only spent four munut 7 hours locked up after processing. I do not know if the doctor/hospital will file charges.

It has been 17 hours since the terrible event. She damaged/destroyed hospital property, my phone, punched a doctor in the face, resisted arrest with cops, and doesn't even get a night in jail. I am so angry and disappointed in her behavior.

I am also disappointed in Dad's attitude towards her actions and decision making. Update 12: She made a deal with the judge and must fulfill a certain amount of hours of community service. I do not know the specific details.

I do know that the judge made it clear that if she does not obey the rules, she will go to jail and pay a fine. She has been complaining about everything like usual and feels that the system is against her. I think she should be jailed for punching the doctor and destroying hospital property, but it's the judge's call.

I have been focusing on school and exercising more to keep my mind clear. I got prescribed some anxiety meds as well, this was on the suggestion of my school counselor. It has been helping a lot.

I feel calmer and less angry in general. Other than that, there is not much else. Thank you for the support everyone, it means a lot.

Update 13: I haven't been able to update in a while because I forgot my password, and then I remembered there is a piece of paper with the password written on it. I successfully log in finally and see that I gained 500 followers all of a sudden. That may not be much to others, but on Reddit and based on what I talk/rant about, it is a big number of people curious enough to stick around and find out how my situation ends up.

I thank you all for the amazing support over the past 5 months, your kind words and advice have meant so much to me. Not much has happened since the last. Update: Mom is almost done with her community service, and I am almost done with high school.

I am on track to graduating and heading to college on time. I'm really excited and cannot wait. I've been keeping to myself for the most part, trying to avoid mom as much as possible.

Staying busy helps a lot. I made a couple of new friends who will be attending the same University. They let me hang around at their house as they are somewhat aware of how unpleasant my mom can be.

I qualify for financial aid and have been working part-time during the weekends, saving as much as possible since my parents won't help out. Mom hates the idea of me gaining freedom and independence from her. She keeps trying to persuade me to take a year off after high school and spend time with her and NAD.

All she wants is someone to loyally obey and run errands all day. I won't do that and will never forget the way she treated me this past year. I won't forget how she broke my phone, injured my foot, slapped me in front of hospital staff, tried to coerce me for my lung, and more.

I took your advice and have my mail secured with a friend's address. I'm doing this this summer. I will move out and never look back.

Update 14: 3 days ago, two officers showed up at the house to inform me and my dad about my mom's car accident death. I was in my room reading a book when I heard the doorbell and a voice saying, "Police, is anyone home? " I walked downstairs wondering why they are here.

Maybe mom broke her community service agreement or attacked another doctor. I defaulted into blaming her, while completely unaware of what I was about to hear. I opened the door and noticed both officers looking concerned, just like you see on TV when families are informed of a loved one's death.

I asked them what the problem was after they confirmed my identity first. Then they asked if anybody else was home. I said that my dad was at work and I'm home alone.

They asked if they can come inside to talk; this is when I started to get really nervous and scared. We sat down on the couch, and they said, "Your mother had an accident and we are very sorry to say that she passed away shortly after at the hospital. We are terribly sorry for your loss.

" I felt like I was dreaming. I had flashbacks of so many memories, specifically of bad ones where me and her argued. I felt angry, so very angry.

I started to tear up and cry uncontrollably as the officers were reassuring me. I'm crying right now as I write this. The officers asked for when my dad will be home.

They were kind enough to stay with me since he would be off work within an hour. We mostly sat there in silence, but I really appreciated their company. When dad got home and received the news, he broke down crying as well.

Then, he asked the officers to leave. Me and Dad hugged for a minute in absolute shock. I have so many mixed emotions right now, I have no idea how to interpret any of it.

It's easy to be angry and disappointed in a narc parent, but everything changes when they pass away. You briefly forget all the bad and only think of the good, then you are hit with all the bad and feel resentment, and maybe even relief. Upon feeling relief, you feel guilt, and that is when it gets so confusing.

These past 5 months, I have been telling you my story, all of it was based on how terribly my mom has treated me. I was mentally preparing myself for her inevitable death as her health deteriorated. We spoke about so many aspects of narc life on here.

I cannot quantify how much this community has helped me. But this is the hardest and most difficult period of my life right now. I did not think I would be feeling certain emotions, but I miss her; she is my mother after all.

I hoped and wished for her love for so many years. I yearned for the love she could not or was not willing to provide. Now that she is gone, I feel like all of that potential love is gone along with the hope I had for her to see the error in her ways.

Everything has changed, and my life is turning upside down. Any sense of stability I had fostered over the past several months is gone. My dad suddenly drove off somewhere and has been gone since yesterday.

I have no idea what to do, I don't know where he is or if he is safe. Dad is not much of an emotional person, but since my mom's death, he has been super emotional. He drinks bottle after bottle of alcohol to cope.

The house is a mess. I've been eating nothing but freezer food and crying all day. My friend comes over whenever he can to help, but not often.

With graduation looming, I'm alone in this depressing house, and dad disappeared, and I don't know if he's at a bar or decided to drive off a cliff somewhere and contemplating whether or not to call the police. Part of me is not surprised that he makes it all about himself after something like this happens and just abandons his only son in an empty house. I had to take down all the pictures and box up my mom's personal belongings, pretty much anything that reminded me of her.

It hurts too much right now. I cannot describe the pain I am experiencing. I'm 18 years old but feel so vulnerable and helpless at.

The moment I'm not equipped to deal with all of this, there are so many adult things that my parents haven't taught me. Funeral insurance, bills, etc. What do I do?

I don't think I can do anything productive. Why does this have to happen when I am so close to graduation and off to college? I tried to go to school today but had tears running down my face uncontrollably in the middle of class.

I walked out with my head down feeling like a mess. I spoke with my school counselor and they helped out to some degree, but I honestly forgot everything that came out of their mouth because of all the crying. I feel like I'm in a bubble that is stuck in time while the world continues to pass by me.