The Truth Behind Why Trying Harder Doesn’t Work (When You Have ADHD)

this episode is sponsored by Sama stick around to learn more about it hello brains why does trying harder not work for people with ADHD let's talk about [Music] it this is one of those things that I have heard so many times as somebody with ADHD and heard again and again from my community is what they're hearing as well which is so much potential needs to try harder a lot of us have heard that we need to try harder so many times that we've really internalized it and it becomes our go-to solution if we're not performing

at the level that want to perform or the level that we know we can sometimes perform at we feel like we need to put in more effort we need to try harder or it's almost more Insidious cousin do more in this video I'm going to talk about why that's actually a really bad idea for people with ADHD three reasons one effort is not the problem a lot of the time we are actually trying harder than our neurotypical peers somebody might think that they would succeed or they would do better if they were putting in the

effort they're not doing better therefore they must not be putting in the effort and that's OD Logic the only time I can think of that somebody with ADHD was not trying really hard is when they had gotten so discouraged they given up guess what being told to try harder does if you're already putting in a ton of effort being told to try harder is quite discouraging actually because it doesn't recognize or appreciate the effort that you're already putting in trying harder is not the solution if effort is not the problem if you're already trying your

best trying harder is probably not going to accomplish what you might be hoping it will accomplish which brings us to number two trying harder doesn't address the underlying reasons why we're struggling a lot of the time the reason why we are not accomplishing what it is that we're trying to accomplish isn't that we're not trying it's that we have struggles that neurotypical people don't have if I try harder to manage my time that doesn't change the fact that I experience time blindness it does not change the fact that I am impulsive and get distracted from

what I what it was I was supposed to be working on it doesn't matter how hard I try I'm not necessarily going to be able to manage my time through sheer effort alone because that doesn't at all address the underlying executive function challenges and time management difficulties and impulsivity that are contributing to the problem so even if even in the case where I'm not trying super hard at managing my schedule probably because I've given up on doing that um effort is not necessarily going to help because it doesn't address these issues a lot of the

time trying harder is not even an actionable thing sometimes we can try harder but like what is there to try harder at in that case because these messages are so internalized if we're not being as productive as we would like to be it's really easy for us to be like I just need to do better I just need to try harder but how how do we do that a lot of the time we do get these messages that we need to be putting in more effort when most of the time what we really need is

more support trying harder does not work you got to try different Sama knows that and Sama helps you try different Sama has been incredibly important to me when I use Sama to plan my week it goes so much more smoothly it is one of those apps that's truly gamechanging for people with ADHD there's so many things that we struggle with in regard to productivity time management planning prioritizing not burning out getting overwhelmed it helps me plan my day make sure that my team can see what is on my plate there is one Hub there's one

place where you can pull in your task all the things that you need to be doing through email assana Google Calendar whatever then you can take a look at it and be like that's not realistic Sama will encourage you to bump tasks back anything that can wait so that you can have a reasonable workday you can set times for like how long you think these tasks are going to take you and it will tell you how long the task actually took planning your week is a tool that is very underestimated in the ADHD community and

I keep thinking but I don't have time to plan my week I have too much to do and so a lot of the time we need a tool that can help us do that it's about helping you be sustainably productive it's about helping you prevent burnout also Sama is so ADHD friendly they have a trial period that doesn't require a credit card up front so you can decide whether or not you want to be charged for it after you've tried it out if you'd like to check it out go to s.com ajessica from how to

ADHD it's a long link we'll also put it in the description below so please let me know what you think of it and what you're working on what what are your goals this week what do you want to accomplish and let me know how that works for you and the third reason why trying harder is not the best solution for those with ADHD it's not sustainable let's say you had more effort to give you could try harder and let's say trying harder helps you do better let's say it actually works right you put in a

bunch of extra effort and your outcome is far superior to what it would have been if you hadn't tried that hard I'm either going to take a level of exhaustion today because I'm pushing myself so hard today that I'm going to have a harder time tomorrow which means this level of effort is not sustainable I not going to have as much energy to give tomorrow and also this level of output is not sustainable because I'm not going to be able to give as much tomorrow I'm not going to be able to try as hard tomorrow

as you add more to your life you get a new job you get a promotion you have a kid now that same level of effort isn't sustainable if we put a ton of extra energy into what we're doing today we might not have as much to give tomorrow it further adds to the inconsistency that those with ADHD already experience of us having really good brain days and really bad brain days and sometimes we can't and sometimes we can't another problem is that if we try really hard and push really hard on a project the bar

that we've set for ourselves is now really difficult for us to clear the next time and we're not necessarily thinking about like can we do this consistently we're thinking well I was able to do it before so I should be able to do it again so one of the things that I try to think about now is not only can I do it but can I do it either sustainably or flexibly is it okay that sometimes I'm going to be able to to do a lot in short bursts and then I'm going to need some

time to to recharge because we are putting in more effort than we really have to give we're borrowing from ourselves from our future selves like we're taking levels of exhaustion and eventually that's going to catch up with us and the pressure we put on ourselves can exacerbate other adhc symptoms if we are gripping so tightly it doesn't take a lot to push us over the edge and we are already dealing with emotion disregulation challenges it becomes this situation where like eventually like we can't hold it together anymore and we are more likely to explode we're

more likely to collapse we're more likely to not be able to hold it together anymore because we've been pushing ourselves so hard for so long so what's the brain to do I think first of all translating translating try harder into what we really mean when we are asking of ourselves to try harder or somebody's telling us we need to try harder which is do better and then go okay what would help me do better recognize the effort that's already being put in sometimes that alone is encouraging and will help us do better if we're constant

down on ourselves for not doing more then it's really easy to get discouraged and to want to give up entirely and then effort is definitely not the problem well now it is the problem cuz now we're not trying at all cuz we've given up make a list of what we can do before we try harder and put try harder not at the top of that list not as the only thing on that list but at the very bottom so that we go through other things that might help first so that we try different before we

try harder is there a tool I can use is there a strategy I can use is there an accommodation I can ask for is there support that I can get is there accountability that I need can I make this more interesting to my brain somehow is there a way that I can do better without putting in more effort and only if there is no other way to do it should I even consider putting in more effort I hope you find this helpful this is one of those videos that I'm definitely making for me and putting

it out there in case it's helpful for anybody else I definitely fall into the Trap of trying harder doing more all of the time in case you couldn't tell let me know in the comments below what your maybe go-to top of your list strategy is for doing better other than trying harder thank you to my brain Advocates and all my patreon brains for inspiring content like this like subscribe click all the things and I will see you next video bye brains did you know we have a Discord Community through patreon when you support the work

we do on how to ADHD you get access to a global supportive community and other patreon perks if you'd like to join us go to patreon.com howto ADHD [Music]