My Ayahuasca Experience... (Finally Willing To Talk)

that's not what happened at all what happened at all in ceremony 3 was I played with my son and this is this feels like a real Drake moment here because so ladies and gentlemen today I'm filming a highly highly requested video you are going to get a very raw very just open insight into the experience that I had my psyche where I'm at in life and all of other things I feel so I'm pretty transparent on this YouTube channel you guys know me pretty well and you guys know me not only very well but for

such a long time you know people still find it very amusing that they can look back on my youtube channel five years ago where I was just trying to make a name for myself I was trying to make a living I was you know I was finding my feet which to be honest five years later where I'm still trying to do but nonetheless my point is yes although I make videos about finances success in business especially in the realm of having an agency yes I make videos about biohacking yes I make videos about sales advertising

etc etc through all my videos thus far you guys still have gone to know quite a bit of my personality my background but we're gonna go even further today now what I'm talking about here is my ayahuasca experience now I'll kind of tell you how I got to this place now q4 of 2019 was ridiculous I had the launch of agency incubator I had the grow agency party I had the gadget clothing line launch from there I had like two days to move everything out of my house I decided not to renew the lease on

my place in London and then I went on a two-week trip to Nepal with the team to visit the schools that we built out there so all of q4 2019 once the craziness is over it culminates in me heading out to Mexico for a seven-day ayahuasca retreat now the company that runs this ayahuasca retreat what I liked about them is every single person there was a successful founder a successful business owner a lot of people there had sold their companies and were in quite frankly the hundreds of millions billions you got a lot of elite

people coming through those retreats and for me that that really did help you know I'm 80% very tactical very businesslike as you guys know and the other 20% of me has a foot in the spiritual world but like if I went to some sort of retreat where they started talking about like Archangels and like and how literally like you just manifest everything like all you have to do is just sit on a rock and manifest it I think I would just get very very agitated so this was a good retreat to go on the group

there was incredible especially because I was actually there with one of my clients now to get to this retreat you have to be referred and one of those clients actually maybe a month after we first started working together they had just gone on their first retreat of this kind with this company and I'm just gonna be entirely honest and you know my clan that's watching this we've joked about this I thought they were [ __ ] crazy like I thought they were like lunatic like some of the ways they were talking I was like [

__ ] no am I going on or I was super down for ayahuasca retreat but I was really hoping that I wouldn't come back some sort of like airy-fairy like pixie and and you know later I found out that that's just kind of one of the byproducts of going on I wall screw you kind of you kind of come back you kind of come back home for the next you know two weeks four weeks six weeks you feel very spiritually elevated in the same way you know you might go to a business master minor for

the next two four six weeks that air of your life takes over everything else so as I said the group there was incredible we all land at the airport at different times as a group around 30 40 of us and we head out to this retreat now this retreat the accommodation was was very very nice it was just kind of the spiritual campus and we basically had that and we had the entire thing booked out now the way that it worked was there was the compulsory workshops so learning about the medicine its effects kind of

a bit about what you can expect from the journey etc etc so those were mandatory then there were the ceremonies itself and the first one technically I don't even think it was mandatory that night had the first ceremony then precisely 24 hours later we had the second ceremony and then I think 36 hours later we actually had a day one we had the third ceremony so there was some mandatory exercises there were the ceremonies itself and then there was also some other really fun activities a lot of stuff on breath work Oh hacking they had

a law a lot of coaches and there was a lot of support there which is really really awesome to see so that was kind of just the lay out of it I did three ceremonies in roughly around three and a half days so let's not be around the bush let me explain exactly what happened and I'm spiritually I'm drugged I'm spiritually enlightened now so I have a bunch of notes on my phone so just a heads up I will be referring back to this now one of the things that you do going into ceremony you

should try to do is set some form of intention because the thing is and by the way I'm going to use terminology that we used while we were out there so for those of you guys who aren't familiar with ayahuasca I'm just gonna I apologize if this is like weird spiritual jargon for you but um ceremony which Maci means you know when we have the hiawatha self-explanatory medicine which means that the ayahuasca itself and mother ayahuasca which how do I explain mother ayahuasca mother ayahuasca is really just the essence of your experience so I don't

know it's it's a hard thing to explain now a lot of people actually see mother ayahuasca as an as a physical person during their ceremonies and for other people it's just this overarching thing it's sort of mother ayahuasca sort of the rudder of your experience so they say that for your ceremonies it's best to set an intention now this is kind of where I was scratching my head because my main thing was you don't know what you don't know and a lot of you guys know that I've been meditating from the age of 14 literally

at the age of 14 in the same way you have a workout split in the gym which I had I also had a workouts or a meditation split so you know I'd be doing everything from Vipassana to Kundalini meditation etc etc so you know for me I've never really had too many mental blocks or any I've never really felt like I've had too many demons I've been battling with so for me it was more just like I don't know what I don't know and one thing that I will say considering the childhood that I've had

every single one of my friends does not on myself included does not understand how I don't have some very very very deep psychological and mental health issues I'm shocked that I don't have very deep mental health issues considering what I went through and what I saw growing up I really to be quite frank I sure you really [ __ ] up right now so I knew that there must be some stuff very deep down that I had that I'm not aware of that you can't just reach through meditation you need something where the level of

your consciousness is so expanded that you can see stuff that wasn't there before so that was kind of my intention but that would you know I guess that's not really a clear intention my intention is like I don't have an intention and once again although I didn't have an intention there was some sort of stuff that I didn't really like I didn't really like it wasn't a burning sensation to know I'm just like okay cool maybe these are some intentions that I might set so one was how can I bring more love into my life

number two how can I bring more joy into my life number three why do I believe that I can't be happy and also be very successful and once again all of these you know I have a quite a quite a good amount of joy in my life I have a good amount of love in my life and once again I do I am happy and I have achieved a lot so yeah these are these are kind of more loose questions that you know I thought might be interesting tapping into but the other thing that we

talked about was attachments now for me those three attachments were really status you know my feeling of self-worth based on accomplishments in my life that's definitely something that I'm attached to or it's definitely something that I think about money you know and for me it's really just the ability to pay for anything anytime for me that comes down to being the breadwinner and being the provider and number three contribution you know what contribution actually looks like what form it comes in because for me contribution or at least the way that I see it contribution has

always been you go and you hunt and you push and then you share your spoils you share your winnings with others whereas there's a lot of people out there for example I see people who have dedicated their entire life to charity work and that's quite different from sort of philanthropy and I've always looked at I'm like why don't you work on yourself why don't you go secure the bag why don't you go ahead and make all this money and then you know if you're really trying to be such a good person just donate all of

it then so as I said that was kind of one thing that I was attached to was this idea that my form of contribution has to be a certain way so it is the night of the first ceremony and very very cool big shout out to my client you know who you are he knew it's so funny because he's exactly like me in a lot of senses he knew that I would come to this retreat dressed the way that I was dressed which is a little bit bougie you know having that London flare and he's

exactly the same he's he's one of my clients out in Germany so he brought me a outfit from for ceremony and he actually brought it from Bali because if it wasn't for him to be honest I was going to sleep in my and like I hate myself for saying this mask of sleeping you know the pyjamas did they give you on like Emirates like first-class flights like I was just sleeping in I was gonna sleep in one of those that's the only thing that I brought along those white so when you're in ceremony which I

didn't know this I didn't think about this you're meant to wear white so yeah big shout out to my client because I was about to look like a total [ __ ] douche bag we all head to our you know our little rooms tents like it was like a super leg it was very like upscale fancy tents except they weren't really tent they're like I don't know what I don't even know what's called the point is we head to our rooms we have a couple hours just to set our intentions journals stuff like that and

then once the clock strikes 7:30 I believe that's when we went into first ceremony so from where my room was from where my little studio was it was like a 10-minute walk to the main hall where we did the ceremony and I'm not gonna lie I felt so Oh cultish like it's very funny when you actually sat there and you like looked around it's just like everyone dressed in white candles like it was very very cultish like I loved it so we get there we've all set our intentions it may see the way it works

is you have this you know this yoga mat and then blankets or you have a bucket to purge and purge bassy means well here's the thing you can purge in many ways and purging can involve throwing up which is kind of the most common throwing up it can involve burping it can involve yawning and when they told me that like yawning could be a form of purging I didn't believe it until it happened to be able to get onto that see yeah you know you have your bucket to purge and there's a couple spare bits

and bobs here and there and you have a neighbor to the left a neighbor to the right and for me I was like this is either really nerve-wracking or a total blessing because I actually had the founder of this entire retreat to my right very successful dude but also like one most spiritually sound people you'll ever meet in their entire life and on my left I had pretty much the general manager of this retreat so it's like I pretty much had the best seat in the house but that was almost kind of like a little

nerve-wracking so anyways we start we all go around the room we set our intentions and then they start offering the first glass of ayahuasca ayahuasca is approximately like it's kind of like a very large tall glass and it's funny because my clan was Tommy he's like oh my god I hate the taste of I also because he's done quite a few ceremonies and I had that first glass and I was like this I don't know what walnut juice would taste like but it tasted what I thought walnut juice would taste like it tasted almost kind

of good so then but as I'm thinking about it now I'm literally starting to feel sick so I head back to my mat and I just sit in lotus position and I start meditating and you know maybe 30 40 minutes go by and one thing I probably should have mentioned here is I start meditating religiously from the age of 14 I think I had LSD for the first time when I was like 15 I believe sorry mom like I would definitely was not an easy kid to raise but either either 15 or 16 but definitely

the 16 of the latest and I think I had shrooms for the first time when I was 17 and I've done Elysee maybe like seven or eight times I've done shrooms like twice two or three times so yeah you know I've had my experience with psychedelics so this wasn't you know for some people going into this was their first not only psychedelic experience but their first experience with any form of quote/unquote drug or mind-altering substance so like I don't even know want to know what they must have felt like because for me it was just

like it was like a more intense LSD like the difference for me between like LSD is like you visually is you're seeing the same thing sort of three of them with with shrooms that everything's a little more earthy I don't know how to describe it and with I'm an ayahuasca it's crazy because you're seeing these patterns yeah it's almost like you're seeing the patterns that are made with when it comes to carpentry like it's just it's kind of hard to describe but there is that onsets after like 30 40 minutes and I'm like okay cool

awesome what's happening so at this point I go from lotus position and I lie down I close my eyes and I fall asleep like literally I fall asleep and I think I must've been asleep for maybe like 2 or 3 hours and that's not a very normal thing that's not meant to happen so I fall asleep and I wake up just as I do calling the second round so you're always offered two rounds or two chances of having the medicine so I hope in my eyes literally rise they're offering the second round so I'm like

okay all right so I go up I have my second round I sit back down and once again not much really happens to be honest that first ceremony was just very anti-climatic and then they offer something called repay which is kind of what basically is just tobacco that's like blown into your your nostrils and like you you have wrap a wrap a and it's like Jenny the most the biggest burning sensation you will ever experience in your entire life and they all say you know you have to not fight it because if you resist it

then it just hurts even more and that's kind of like ayahuasca if you resist it then mother ayahuasca is going to make things more difficult with you the whole point of ayahuasca is about rendering so you can get the lessons that are meant to be given to you so I have this this this raw pay thing and I sit down and I'm not gonna lie the ayahuasca did absolutely nothing for me that first ceremony but the repay it was like the best 10 seconds of meditation I've ever had extended over 60 minutes so it's just

pure clarity so this is where from the first first ceremony I got some nuggets I got some value now there's a couple people are a couple things I wrote down and the first one was hold no judgments or preconceptions now that was a very very important lesson for me you know because I'm a person who is really not judgmental when it comes to if someone straight gay if someone literally if someone wants to become a billionaire or if someone wants to work in McDonald's all day and then the rest of the time they just want

to like smoke pot and get drunk with their friends but they act but they're genuinely for the balm of their hearts happy like if you're happy like I want to see if you're happy you're not hurting anyone I want to see couldn't care less what you do I'm not very judgmental person when it comes to things like that yet it was crazy because I actually had and I don't want to mention specifics here but when I got to the retreat there was one specific person where they started talking to me and in my head I

was just like this person is just so like it's just like it was a little too much for me handle like so airy-fairy like I just really didn't connect with that person because it just felt like they were so stuck in like lala land and it just felt like there was so you know am I in my head this person you know was pretty young and they were talking to me and I was just in my opinion and it just all they wanted to do was basically just do nothing they wanted to they were in

the period of their life where they just wanted to sit and do nothing him I had a I almost saw that was a little selfish of them I'm like look that's fine if you're in a transitionary period or trying to find your purpose or this or that but go and do something go out go experience go work go start a project go start a business you'll find your passion that way go serve other people go provide value don't just sit and meditate for like four five six hours you know and keep in mind this is

literally within the same month that I just gone to Nepal to go visit the schools that I'd spend 100 hundreds of thousands of dollars to build so you know to be honest I think that was my Eagle kicking in looking back at it it was my ego kicking in and that kind of draws back to my my attachment to what my former contribution looks like so my point is I was I had a and once again it's not like this is something I've thought about for an entire day or a couple of hours it's just

when the person was talking I was like TG yeah like just go do something but don't be lazy like in my opinion they were being lazy by taking time for themselves and I saw that same person go through absolute hell during the ceremony it was I've never seen anything like it it was almost like and once again your your journey and your journey your journey is your journey right you're not meant to look at anyone else like you know you it's a very introspective thing but when you know someone is purging so much okay they're

throwing up they're like and they're there they're almost that you know once again you're not meant to talk or shout or you know there might be voices coming out here and there I say voices but there might be some sounds you make here and there but it's a you know you're not meant to taint anyone else's experience by being very loud so you know it's not like I was purposely looking over but you know this person was having a very tough time and one of the shamans actually stayed with this person this entire time and

you know it was I saw this person go through hell and there was another piece of information I found out about them just in terms of their childhood and stuff and you know it was that was the first lesson that I had during my ayahuasca ceremonies and I'd say it was one of the most profound which is just never ever judge anyone and as I said this coming from someone who assumed they weren't a judgmental person but I think I'm very judgmental I left my ego kick in when it challenges my belief system you know

as I said I couldn't care less of whether if someone's gaze strayed if someone wants if I don't have someone wants a monogamous relationship if someone once I have a polygamous relationship I don't care and so what a person wants to do for work just long as it's happy and they're happy and it's ethical I honestly couldn't give less of a [ __ ] yet I think there's a couple pain points for me where I've had a so much pain in my life for example things like work for example things like making something of yourself

for example having people rely on you so heavily that you need to step up and you need to be a leader those are those are things that are so intimately personal and so intimately painful to me that when I see another person in my pen for what my version of stepping up is that's something that really challenges my core belief system and I think that's where that judgment came in so as I said that experience really made me realize that with 99% of [ __ ] I'm not judgment at all but with that 1% that

for me I've gone through so much trauma with I'm actually I can be a very judgmental person and I judge people for their life paths trying to help course-correct when it's not my place which actually brings me on to point number two which is let people find their own way you know as a teacher as a leader as someone who walks the path to relate to others this is a very difficult list lesson for me you know because for example you guys know I run a company called one of my companies is a company called

Gauri agency comm and it is the leading education company out there for agency owners so I have thousands of students and you know I've seen cases before where someone just doesn't want to help themselves they're just they're not at a point where they want to help themselves and I've seen even before for example with customer support you know where you know and once again all of our customer support is in-house we don't have to just have some random person in you know Sri Lanka or India once again no offense those countries but you know a

lot of a lot of companies out there have customer support reps out there like all of our customer support in-house so you know I keep it very close a close eye on customer support and making sure that our customer support is as a speedy and as efficient as it could be over the last three months that hasn't been which is now why you know I'm back in work mode that's that's one of my main focuses actually but back to my point you know I've seen it before where you know students want a refund and they're

not eligible to a refund but I look over there you know and and their issue is they don't want to help themselves and you know you instances like those even though I have literally zero obligation to the owner they've watched an entire course they've been in the program for 3-4 months they've literally complained and you can even kind of any once again this is in my entire time running this education coming up maybe had like two or three bad apples you know out of thousands so it's very uncommon it's very very uncommon there's a certain

person who's drawn to my content and that's not someone who wants you know easy quick results you know so yeah I will say those are those are heavy heavy outliers but I've seen instances like before and I'm never butthurt about it you know if someone doesn't want to help themselves I'm not but her like oh my god you you you came into the program you used all the content you like you came as a program you used all the content you know don't you see the value here blah blah like I've realized at a certain

point usually it's cut your losses you know and if someone doesn't want to help themselves there's nothing you can do within your power to help them you know and I know that very very clear with my education company very clearly you know and that's not something that hurts my feelings or anything like that and I even know that I never even been once again I've been very very blessed with my agency where we've had an incredible client roster but there has been a client in the past that comes to mind where they just didn't even

want the help to help themselves this is nothing we could have done as a service provider as the people running traffic you know traffic traffic and AD advertising is one part or one facet of a multi-faceted business so if they did have this person they want to help themselves and help their own company their own business there was nothing we could do and I know I didn't feel butthurt about that you know there was no emotional pain associated to that yet you know when it comes to people like my mom when it comes to friends

of mine when it comes to you know a romantic relationship like when it comes to all that stuff I always have felt the need to guide people prematurely even if it's not my place it's good to keep gently presenting the things that I'm learning and the things that I'm trying out but you know a long time I find and once again it only came out and I only realized once I was on this ayahuasca retreat then I actually in a lot of ways push my beliefs down people's throats and you know the key thing that

it comes down to and it was it was that same first point which is the only time that I'm ever judgmental is when I believe that a person is not on the right life path and I judge them because I in my head I'm like oh you should do this this this this this and that comes to the second point which is as I said you need to let people find their own way you know because anytime that I've tried to aggressively sort of push my beliefs onto my loved ones it's from a place of

love you know I'm a person who doesn't really show much love and appreciation verbally or you know for me it comes down to I will I care so much about the people close to me like it so it's nuts how much I care about the people close to me and the way that I show that and sort of my love language you can call it is through sort of being in to certain service to them being in service to them doing things for them helping them making this connection for them you know plotting and strategizing

you know let's go build this incredible life together you know as friends as partners as a family let's go and build this ridiculous life together you know and a lot of times I don't realize that like you know you can help someone who doesn't want to help themselves or who doesn't want the thing that you're trying to help them with you know I know a lot of you guys out here you know you're you might be trying to get your family into entrepreneurship you might be gang trying to get your family into meditation into gonna

gym into healthy eating into whatever and keep leading by example keep gently pressing and keep with enthusiasm displaying the benefits of it but you need to rise at a certain point you just you got all that people find their own way you know and that's something that's held me back a lot is just how much time I spend thinking about my loved ones and how I want to help them improve their lives when as I said they may not want the thing that I want for them or they may they just may not even want

helpful stop you know so that was really kind of the the second thing that came to me on the on the second ceremony the next thing that kind of came to me was you know if you really want to be a man love more and you know that's that's something I've always kind of known you know it's not I'm not a I'm not a cold stable person but in a lot of ways I'm not very loving I don't you know I don't particularly feel a lot of love and I think you know I think a

lot of that comes from hardships that I've had to go through this is really just made me yeah has really just harder than me in a lot of ways so look it's all great and well I've done this I've accomplished this I've take care of however many people I take care of children halfway across the world with the schools that I built but yeah all that is really really cool nice and if anyone is ever in trouble or has an issue in their life and I'm not just talking about financially I'm just talking about like

I'm having a relationship an issue in my relationship I'm having an issue with this or that everyone knows I am the person to go to to give you the advice that will actually get you the results you want even when it comes to relationships even when it comes to finances even if I'm the person that will give you the right answer the hands will actually get you what you want but I am everyone also knows I'm not the right person when it comes to consoling people and being there for people on an emotional level you

know because I guess from me I a lot of times I've emotions are there for me I just don't feel them you know it's crazy like I you guys know I've had such ridiculous highs in my life and I've had such ridiculous lows and both ends of the spectrum I don't really it's there I know what the motion is but I just don't really feel it that much and it's not always been like this you know like at some point I'm not gonna lie like I generally thought like maybe I'm a sociopath or something but

I know it's not that you know because I've had you know even like five six years ago for even four years ago I in you know immensely felt every single emotion so I know it's there I just think I've been so hardened by certain things that have happened in my life that I've become desensitized to so you know for me it gave me a lot to think about with my mom as an example because yes you know at the age of 18 19 I've retired you know 18 19 20 kind of basically from the age

of 18 yes I retired my mom you know that's an incredible thing to do you know at this stage and especially you know with some stuff happening in the next three months my mom never has to work a day in her life ever like just like like true true financial independence freedom like she she will never have to work it in again her in her life and she will live a very very good life so you know you look at it from that aspect I'm like oh I've done man a man's work you know I've

been there for her I've pulled us out of you know in two thousand thirteen or fourteen I believe it's 2014 I believe it started we were on government benefits my mom used to work at NHS she was a receptionist at the Chelsea in Westminster Hospital I think I paid like six pound fifteen hours something at that and she was kind of in him you know in between jobs here and there and once again my that my mom is a very similar case to me where it's like you know you might look at that and you're

like oh you know why was she on government benefits or why you know why didn't she get a job or this that I'm shocked to this day that my mom doesn't have severe severe severe psychological issues I am so proud of her the fact that she is still such a fully functioning human after everything she's been through and all of you she's been through so you know my mom to be quite frank my mother was a [ __ ] G she's a beast you know the fact that she's a still healthy happy living you know

she's a I don't look at where people are I look at where they've come from to where they are and where my mom's come from and everything she's gone through and where she is now as a person I'm honestly so immensely proud of her but that's the issue when was the last time I told her that you know when was the last time I told her that when was the last time I gave her a piggyback when was the last time I really just put the phone like turned off work Eman you know when was

the last time that I realized it's not just like like honestly my mom it's it's so funny to see some of the stuff that I give my mom or some the stuff I've done for my mom financially my mom honestly doesn't give a [ __ ] like my mom doesn't care that she has a twenty five thousand pound Rolex on her wrist my mom doesn't care that she gets to go on this holiday or that holiday my aunt doesn't care about any of the the money that I've given her like none of that [ __

] matters to her you know did I know this thing that puts a smile on her face the most is spending one-on-one quality time with me and that's the thing that I struggle with the most you know so that's where I'm challenged as man in terms of my own emotional maturity and my own emotional wisdom because you know I'm when it comes to spending time with my mom for example I'm not as present as I should be I don't make as much of a priority as I should be and if I look at other areas

of my life and once again when it comes to you know romantically or when it comes to my friendships or this or that you know I'm a man a man in in many many ways but I'm a very flawed man in in many other ways so that was kind of another thing that came to me so this was and guys I could keep going on and on and on I keep going on and on and on and on but that was the first ceremony kind of wrapped up and I left the first ceremony and obviously

you know we have chance to share with everyone and talk with everyone else after and you know I was a I wouldn't say I was disappointed because for some reason I kind of expected I felt as though nothing would happen from the medicine on that first on that first ceremony for some reason I just had that gut feeling but you know I was like okay that that's cool nothing really happened hopefully something else happens and I and I actually voiced note this entire time I was voiced noting and chatting with Josh now Josh his YouTube

channel he talks dudes he was actually my detox coach and technically still is he was my detox coach and is also detox coach for my entire team and my mom he's actually one of our clients as well but josh is an incredible incredible human and I recommend he has a video it's around this actually how I got first found Josh it's around an hour and 45 minutes and you know I he talks about his story and and you know having to literally teach his friend how to knock him out basically you know make him unconscious

so he wouldn't jump off the balcony of his apartment just so he could just have just some more time on this earth and you know I'm a said I'm a person who's gone through a lot I don't really cry much that video made me cry because one thing that gets to me is when I see strong strong men who've been through a lot crying so yeah he has an hour hour and a half video I strongly recommend you watch that and it said Josh he was my detox coach and then from there we've become really

close friends really close friends and almost brothers to be honest and he is a guy who have an infinite amount of respect for you know he's a guy who's you know to be honest very very young still like I'm young but he's very very young you know he's 30 31 and like everything he's gone through the level of excellence he's he's accomplished in certain areas of his life and just the level of compassion I'd say that's the main thing like he is so such a strong dude and just like you know you put Josh next

to me and like you think I'm like a little boy compared to him you know you guys I know a lot of you guys think very highly of me and I appreciate that and you know I think highly of myself and you know I I know I've accomplished a lot and you know I really can look myself in the mirror and be very proud of Who I am but like you put Josh next up against me and like you'll see this guys a bad ass man so this entire time I'm actually chatting with with Josh

and you know I tell him about this first experience you know how basically kind of the the medicine didn't really do anything except or etc and he was like look you need to surrender and I was telling him I was like dude I was surrendering like you know this is the one of the big overarching themes is like you have to surrender for the medicine to work and I was like dude I was surrendering like there's nothing else I could have done and he goes you know one of the one of the best things you

could potentially do is in the second ceremony only have one cup of ayahuasca or one cup of the medicine rather than two and you know he said the wisest men get the most knowledge and wisdom from the least amount of medicine so I went into the second ceremony and one thing that I actually said just also to quiet in my mind was one thing I said was and I was repeating this for maybe three four hours going into ceremony was mother ayahuasca Mother Earth's I believe his mother ayahuasca Mother Earth and God which once again

that the whole god thing is something I don't have an opinion on as of yet you know that's very much in its infancy whether I believe I definitely believe in higher powers for sure I believe in things like law of attraction I mean once you read one of my favorite books that I've literally gone thousands of you to read since recommending a reality Tran surfing I believe there's like really realistic like no way you can't not believe in law of attraction nothing bassy breaks it down through quantum physics as at its basics to be honest

but anyways back to my point so I was like mother earth I was like mother ayahuasca mother earth God I am your servant and I will surrender and like in my opinion I was like once again I'm not a very I'm not a religious person but a spiritual person I was like okay you know this is a way for me to just tell mother ayahuasca and let her know I'm ready to receive whatever it is I'm ready to receive and it also is a you know saying this mantra over and over was a good way

to just kind of really clear my brain so begin second ceremony and this time they actually offer a wrap a first I believe oh wait didn't it yeah I think they did first they offered wrap a so that was amazing because that kind of your mind just from the onset the gecko and I go up I have my first cup and I sit in lotus position and once again takes 3040 minutes and now I'm seeing these these patterns on the wall and I'm closing my eyes and you know one thing that I will say is

there were literally people there who met God like there were people there who met mother ayahuasca and like you know there was there was a one guy there a lot of respect for him you have just total badass this French dude who lives in Miami total 12 badass but like he had like mother ayahuasca like working on him like performing surgery and not unlike a scary way and performing surgery and replacing old parts of his self-identity that just didn't serve him anymore so people had some very like real tangible experiences and like I really really

wanted to like swim with the dolphins or some [ __ ] like that like I wanted some sort of like I don't know like I wanted something like really cool dope psychedelic experience like you know I was hoping for something like that and you know all of my you know the little a spoiler alert none of my experiences were like that at all basically I knew I was in my body the entire time I knew exactly where I was the entire time not once did I hallucinate so like yeah you know for me it was

really just the wisdom from the experience and you know I'm sure in the future I'll get my experience where I got to some of the Dolphins or like I love to be an evil and fly like that would be really dope to me either way I'm sure will happen one day but anyway so I sit down and I sit down and I'm starting to have the effects are kicking in etc etc my mind is quiet I'm still repeating this phrase mother ayahuasca mother earth God I'm your servant and I will surrender I'm keep repeating this

I'm saying this I'm saying this and for some reason I don't know why I start going like that start going like that I start massaging myself and I have no idea why and I'm massaging myself and I start playing with my hair I start playing on my hair and I started going amen I love you like I love you a man like a man I love you bla bla this is that and you know it's when I was talking to Josh we went to Iceland in October to do a collaboration there and he was telling

me you know if you guys don't know a Joshua story he was actually practicing to become a shaman so he I mean the dude I don't know the exact number must have done fifty one hundred ceremonies in the jungle alone very very scary prospect but you know he was telling me about times where he would he would just hold himself you know he would hold himself and you just be like Josh I love you I love you I love you and you know although I understand I understood it I couldn't really comprehend it or I

couldn't empathize with it until my second ceremony so I started you know really massaging myself and a lot of people have the intention of self-love that was one of their intentions and in my opinion I was like for me I was like I'm never gonna semi it and that was actually was never my intention I was like my intention is never gonna be self-love like of course I love myself like I know my flaws but I also have a really good opinion on I have a good base of what my self-identity is like I respect

myself I look myself in the mirror all the time and you know I think I'm a good person I'm very proud of what I've done in my life etc etc so never in a million years would I think like okay my you know my the way this ceremony is gonna go is I'm gonna have self-love you know that's kind of what happened I just started holding myself I start massaging myself I was like I love you Eman I love you and you know the first thing that started popping up in my mind was like I

love you Eman because I love you man because you know I love you man because you build schools in underdeveloped countries I love you man because you know you've made millions by the time you're 20 you know actually I was still 19 in that point you know by the time you're 19 you've made millions and millions you know I love you man because you have done this so you've done this I Love You Man because you're you're a hard worker I Love You Man because you you know you you pushed yourself in the gym I

Love You Man because you but it was almost like I love you because and I realized like why does it have to be conditional and why does it have to be conditional and external because I than a day like guys like all this [ __ ] could be taken any you know it could be taken away at any point in my life you know all this [ __ ] could be taken away you know I'm you know 15,000 or 12,000 pound a month villa right now here in Cape Town $15,000 a month papilla like I

don't like I don't know this this [ __ ] would get taken as something could happen to my business and yes I've built a moat around my business I built a moat around my my finances I've been small with my finances no matter what to be honest and I'm loved I'll tell you guys about in some other videos with some of my investments in some of my my you know multiple income streams it's at a point internet right now where I really could never make less than a hundred K a year like even worst case

scenario that could never feasibly really happen rather than they all technically all the stuff could be taken away so I thought about I was like why does this [ __ ] why does it have to be conditional like and I started reframing I was like a man like I Love You Man because you always do the right thing like that's that's my character that's not something I've done so I started massaging myself I'm like you know I love you because you always do the right thing you know I've had an even like yes sir I

had another situation even when business like I've learned so much it when it comes to business and life like you know I'm really starting to see the the boy in men you know and once again I'm sorry I keep referring to boys men it's just kind of like in business I'm you know like for example like in my clients like 80% have always been men and you know like even my students you know 80% are men or I think it's like 76 percent or some of that you know obviously I'm a man myself said something

I think about manhood a lot but you know one thing that I really realized in business and life is like a lot of people out there just I don't know they're just there's still always living in men's bodies and you know I I thought about it I was like look a man I love you because you became your own man I love you because you you know I never I never had a dad in my life you know my real dad was an alcoholic abusive so he wasn't in my life my stepdad did way more

he was technically I had a dad but he was my stepdad I only saw him you know three months out of the year and the times that I'd saw him he did deep deep psychological damage which once again I'm trying to figure out where my life is manifesting because as far as I can tell it hasn't had an effect on me when really anyone who's gone through that in their life should it they have very very very deep psychological problems so I thought I was like you know even I love you because you became your

own man I love you because you always do the right thing you man I love you because you push yourself I love you because you're always trying to find the truth even if it hurts like I reframed all this conditional stuff and you know a paradigm above that is like it should be like unconditional love you were like I technically I should just love myself for existing I'm not at a point right now in my life where I'm enlightened enough for him wise enough to just love myself for like existing you know as I said

right now at least I evolved from like I love myself because I did or accomplished this - I love myself because take away all the [ __ ] I have in my life I look myself in the mirror and I to be honest I don't think a lot of people can do this I look myself in the mirror every single night and I know I push myself I always do the right [ __ ] thing and like constantly life tests me you know and especially the past 3-4 months I've had a lot of you know

and maybe only like two three four people in my life know this but like I've had some people know some of the other stuff but like I've had five or six things happen to me in the last three four months which really tested my manhood and there was really a lot of things that passed three four months where I could have I could have acted maliciously and you know there was some stuff which were more tragic there was some stuff which were more sinister involving other people that quite frankly you know I considered family and

there were instances with with people to be honest we're at the end of the day I know long-term life almost gives you what you deserve but there have also been instances in the past where I've been more foolish and and done things and used my resources and power to to lash out and just protect my fort and you know there have been and you know as I said over the past 3-4 months there have been a couple instances where where to be honest I could have used my resources and power to quite frankly destroy someone's

life and you know part of me is happy that I have that in you know because I think at the end of the day you know you can't just be a walking flower if someone [ __ ] with you and they [ __ ] with you and they [ __ ] with you quite a few times you got to protect your fort and you know I know that I can protect my for but there were a couple of instances where I feel as I made the wiser decision and I decided you know not to fight

fire with fire and there were also instance in the past few months which you saw very publicly which you guys know where I decided to fight fire with fire where I decided to address lies wrongdoing quite frankly just deceit when I should just realize in my head they're like just like has happened tons and tons of times in the past of my life people just get what they deserve and like life life will teach the person a lesson it's not my job so as I said you know life keeps testing me and I'd say eighty

ninety percent of time I I do the right thing and ten twenty percent of time I don't and I learned from that and because of all that I can really look at myself in the mirror every night and you know I can know that I'm on my path I'm on my journey and I'm not perfect but I'm pretty pretty damn proud of of the way I conduct myself in a way that I carry myself with things so that was kind of a the main theme of the second ceremony you know it's funny I left the

second ceremony and I sent a voice note to draw straight away and I was like I just had so like you know cuz I Josh was like you know we're basically like brothers like you know I already had a ton of respect for him but like after that ceremony that was like all wow like I had so much a newfound respect for him for like you know the way that how he would take care of himself the self love he would go through or like you know we'd even be like you know he stayed in

my place in London in November you know it's crazy because like even just little things like we would be at a restaurant and you know he'd be deciding okay do I want to have a glass of wine you know because he obviously doesn't drink basically ever very very very rarely will he drink but he was deciding you did he want to have a glass of wine or like I remember when we were in Iceland and we were having I was having a steak and he was going to join me and you know he was just

trying to understand decide whether to have the steak or not you know in my head I'm just like okay I weigh up the pros Collins this is that and like you know for me to come to a decision and to kind of lean on my intuition on sorry on sort of life decisions that I don't think are as important look when it comes to serious life to the decision I will lean on my intuition I'll think about things all mull over things but like am I gonna have a glass of wine am I gonna have

a you know a steak like you know these isolated incidents I just kind of quickly figure out the pros and cons in my head like what day is it do I have work tomorrow how far away from sleep is it how much work do I have on it the more like just a lot of a lot of things like that where's Josh would take freaking two minutes like a minute two minutes to not only decide but go into his body and like feel it out and then decide and I you know at that time once

again I understand everything he's been through and that guy's been through a lot and he has to lean on his intuition because of all of his previous health issues but like so I understood it but in my head I'm just like I didn't get it you know and after the second ceremony I totally understood you know all the self-love that Josh practices for himself I totally understood you know really trusting you into it and and all that so yeah you know that was kind of the theme of the second ceremony now going into the third

ceremony my intentions were I want to kind of keep going on the idea of self-love I also wanted to relinquish totally relinquish any vices that I have you know for me in my life for example like the first six months of 2019 I basically didn't have a sip of alcohol you know I basically like my caffeine was low my like I was basically getting nine hours of sleep every night like I'm a person who when it comes to it like I don't really have any vices that take over me like I don't really do drugs

although I've done pretty much every single drug in the past I don't really do drugs I don't smoke weed I just want to go to bed if I smoked weed I don't really you know I don't really have too many vices when I put my mind to it for example the summer of 2019 I drank way more alcohol than I really should have but it was also a conscious decision that you know I'm just kind of let loose and like you know what if I'm with friends I'm gonna share a ball of rose' and I'm

gonna have a calamari I'm gonna enjoy myself so you know I've made those sort of conscious decisions but nonetheless I kind of wanted to address maybe any of the vices that I have obviously you know my business is attention it's social media you know we basically what we do for our clients is we take the tension that Facebook and Google have collected that they sell to us and then we use that attention to get our clients more customers you know I collect attention by providing value to you guys for the education company and in return

that gives you an insight into the value that I can provide and the value that the company and the product can provide so you know my life is kind of around social media I mean basically is so you know that's another vice that I kind of wanted to maybe just have a stronger control over and once again other things I wanted to tap into my community give myself credit for all the hard work I put in you know a lot of time I don't realize like I my life is so crazy sometimes just the amount

of you know I've had so many people tell me that you know I just like I almost feel like embarrassed or nervous saying this or uncomfortable saying this like I've had so many people tell me that they are literally on this earth still because of me because of how because of the experience that I've gone through because of what I've gone through growing up and how honest and raw I am about it I've had you know I mean every day I get messages of people telling me about all the clients that they sign that they're

finally making 10k a month now literally I'm out here in Cape Town at the moment two days ago the first night that I went out I had one of my one of my subscribers one of my followers like we bumped into each other going out and then I think the SEC then the second time I went out I had one of my students who's being 28 km month now and we met you know he bumped in he actually bumped into my videographer Pete and then Pete brought us a table and you know we said hi

and he actually showed me all of his uh all of his billables and you know show me proof he was making 28 km month and it was just like you know and and I told him okay you're staying with me the rest of the night and he joined me and you know like 20 of my friends and then we drank and we had fun and we partied etc etc but just like you know a long time I really don't give myself credit for what I do for other people so that's something I wanted to tap

into going into day three ceremony and once again mother ayahuasca has a funny way of going with things that's not what happened at all what happened at all in ceremony 3 was I played with my son and this is this feels like a real Drake moment here because I have something to tell you guys I actually have a nominative I don't have a second I don't have a son I don't plan on having one anytime soon I don't plan on having children anytime soon but for some reason ceremony 3 I played with my son and

you know I held him in my arms I told him I loved him we played football I told him you know I taught him life lessons and like you know I'm just looking over my notes here I was just incredible and like I looked at my son and I'm never I don't think I've ever had more love in my heart for any thing or anyone then when I lived in my mother my son my son was in like six or seven years old and like you know it's just like it's just that for me it

was a surreal experience yeah it's very very surreal experience and my taught my son taught me how to be a child again and you know that was just yeah I was just incredible and I played with my son for you know maybe four or five hours and you know my mom was a grandma and you know all this meant a lot to me and you know I am so so excited for fatherhood that's not to say that it's gonna happen anytime soon I intend on having kids way way way later down the line but um

you know I guess I think to be honest every single single child you know every single single child has that in them well they go who usually one of two ways either if you have had absentee parents or parents that have you know kind of [ __ ] you up growing up you end up being a [ __ ] up parent or you're like okay enough is enough like I'm gonna make sure I do it right this time and obviously everything that happened with you know my real dad you know I mean I my first

my real dad didn't really affect me because he wasn't there but to be honest I'm glad he wasn't there because he was an alcoholic abusive like at least my mom had the strength to like you know ended with him before I was born so you know to be honest that's a blessing but you know my stepdad being half an absentee father a half just a genuine psychopath and and you know and then kind of more recently I've I've come to admit the ways that you know the ways that it's kind of [ __ ] me

up more than I thought and you know even my mom in a lot of ways is literally like my best friend you know my best friend my just like I have so much respect and admiration for that woman but kind of leading up to the age of I'd say maybe like eight or nine you know even with her she's made a couple mistakes and done some things which aren't you know aren't probably the best way to go about raising a son which she's you know talk to me about and I've forgiven her for but anyways

my point is you know I am so damn excited for fatherhood not anytime soon don't worry mom you know I was so excited to be a dad one day and that was just such an incredible experience and that kind of wrapped up my third ceremony so there's a lot of other things that happened I saw Bailey so for those of you guys who don't know Bailey Bailey is my mom I got my mom a dog earlier in 2019 for her birthday just cuz she needed a best friend she needed a guardian angel you know she

needed someone there to make her smile and be happy yeah I I got my mom this dog Bailey Lily the most handsome like just he's just such a bundle of joy and unfortunately he passed away end of November very very prematurely and you know I still have beliefs that he passed away he came into her life at the right time and he passed away at the right time and for those of you guys who know me personally we'll know what that means and I also have beliefs that for example I do i I don't believe

in reincarnation that's just once again like there's so much [ __ ] in my life they're like maybe my opinion will probably my opinion will change one point but I am certain certain that Bailey is still alive so I'm certain that dog is still alive and when you know in a few years when my mom was ready and she gets another dog I'm certain he will have the soul and the essence of Bailey yeah that dog was that dog was something else but anyway so that that happened there's a lot of I just saw a

lot of my like loved ones and there was like a lot of honorary mentions and there's like a lot like there's just so much to decompress but I've tried to kind of give you guys the the brass tacks I've tried to give you guys it's kind of the main takeaways now for those of you guys watching this would I recommend ayahuasca to you to be honest for most people in an environment where I was in on the retreat it's so safe and there were people who had such dark spirits and demons and although maybe the

first ceremony or the second ceremony was so tough everyone left that experience with such a deep understanding of like just those is such a such an understanding of those deep dark aspects of their psyche which day to day you're just so shut off from it from that side of you and I don't care even if you meditate for 30 minutes day an hour day it's so hard to tap into those aspects of you so I you know what I'm really not gonna recommend or tell you guys what to do all I will say is for

me it's definitely gonna be a yearly occurrence it's gonna be something I'm gonna be doing yearly I think it's good to have the reset the Refresh yearly and you know just just take a moment back and step just you know take a take a step back and assess and and see what direction you're going in so yeah you know I'm very very grateful for my ayahuasca ceremony or my ayahuasca experience I'm very very grateful to my client for you know uh suggesting that I come and you know opening up that invitation to me it's something

that I'm going to continue to do as is probably a yearly ritual as a reset and to kind of get back to my core and really look at where what I'm doing in my life and going is that is that really who you want to be or is that what you want to do or is that like I even assess that it's funny there was at one point I even assess the education company for two hours I legitimately was like adamant that I would shut down the education company and that I would just run the

fashion company my fashion company gadji and the agency you know the agency is the real cash cow meticulous finely tuned machine and the clothing line is like my creative output because I was just like you know I was like you know why do I need all this like a tension in my life and like social stuff and this and that and the nightmare of like the education company because the thing is I don't have like grey agency isn't a course business it's a real education company like there's it's so multifaceted and there's so much to

think about operationally and you know even just little things like that like I questioned that for such a large part of the experience and by then that came back then I'm like even an education was what's a hue free like I I'm a high school dropout I may not finish school but education was what was what set me free and the fact that I'm able to walk the path and relay it to all of my customers all my students and really just like once again I don't give myself enough credit for how many thousands of

lives have changed through my program how many people have put in their notice and on their jobs how many people are making six figures how many who are making multiple six figures we even have we even have a few seven figure your students right now so you know I feel so I really just don't get myself enough credit and and that's one of the people things about ayahuasca is you know I feels every single year it's a good chance for me to just reset and look at my life and ask myself you know am I

really happy with what I'm doing and all my businesses I'm proud of we do to a ridiculous level actually to be and to be honest I sometimes I question how I've been able to conduct each company and keep it at such a such a such an amazing standard and a level of service and product see ya ladies and gentlemen if you stuck around to this point you're an incredible human I have great respect for you I hope you enjoy this I hope you enjoyed seeing a little bit of the raw aspects of my psyche there

was some stuff that just to be in tally unless I didn't talk about here just because you know there's this certain stuff that should be left private there's certain people I didn't mention explicitly just because once again there's certain things I think should be left private but nonetheless I hope you guys enjoyed and once again I commend you for sticking around until the end and let me know in the comments have you had any experiences with any sort of psychedelics any sort of any sort of mind-altering substances not for the purpose of fun or partying

or maybe just even like doing some shrooms with some friends like really for the purpose of transformational growth if you feel comfortable sharing that let me know down below and let me know what your experience was like I'd be a very very interested to hear so so one last thing make sure you you smash that like button it's funny during my ayahuasca retreat as I said one of the ceremonies I was genuine genuinely thinking like I'm gonna shut down the education company and if this sounds like ever sound like a broken record you guys I've

told you guys this before like although I did that you know that crazy launch for agency incubator like you know I don't enjoy social media you know I don't enjoy social media to be honest like I actually quite like having a private life and you know not sharing everything I'm doing I'm just being able to be present at the moment and this and that so if it seems like a broken record where I talk about education company it's because that is the thing that is yes I built a very profitable business from that but it's

the thing that takes up so much energy time it takes up so much from emotional capital physical capital just so much of my energy that that is kind of the reason that sometimes I tosyl with it is because it's because you can ask anyone the way that they serve the world the most is also the thing that sometimes they resent because they have to give so much of themselves to make it happen so on that note I'm trying to get to 300 thousand YouTube subscribers this year I'm actually finally starting to focus on SEO ranking

all that stuff go ahead and smash the like button it really really helps out the YouTube algorithm and let's get a 300 thousand YouTube subscribers this year much love and I'll see you guys next time