How to Get Over a Breakup

how do you get over a breakup I get asked this question all the time and if you're in that situation where you just ended a relationship or you ended a relationship a long time ago and it's still bothering you this video might help of course I don't know if some random dude you're watching on the Internet's can actually help you deal with some of those that just deep dark frustrating sad things that happen when you break up with somebody love and I'm speaking about that from experience so I'm gonna share with you four big ideas

that can help you in dealing with a breakup but also recognize that if that's where you're at I'm sorry to hear that I know how hard that is some of you guys know my origin story that got me into personal development in the first place was a breakup you know I broke up with the first woman I ever loved and we were highschool sweethearts and that breakup sent me into a deep depression it sent me into a suicidal thoughts and I don't know what it would have happened to me if I hadn't been in a

car accident that was unrelated that held me kind of like snap back into place that helped me realize no I want to live my life because previous that when that relationship ended because I had my whole identity tied up in that relationship I thought I ended I thought my life was over so if you're somebody who someone has told you we'll stop being so dramatic or you know your friends so you just get over it I'm not gonna be that guy for you today who just makes it sound so easy I understand those dark nights

where you wonder who you are and what your life's about that happens when you break up with somebody especially somebody who maybe you cared for or they broke up with you either way it doesn't feel good whether you did the breaking up sometimes that can feel really good but there's still stuff there you know and if someone broke up with you there's still stuff there too so I hope that in this discussion today we can find something that will help so I've got four big ideas for you the first idea for you that really helped

me is this philosophy called phase two philosophy and what does that mean it means that you got to look at whatever has happened to you in the past whether it's a sad thing a failure thing a breakup thing a bad day you got to say okay that was phase one now I'm in Phase two phase 1 was all about you know experimenting learning developing now I'm on a Phase two innovation it's like giving yourself a mindset that says everything that has happened to us there there was a reason if we don't know what it was

but at the end there's a product you me it's like us where we're at now and now we have to start and go Phase two it's kind of like that philosophy you've heard before that that metaphor of like a new chapter that's what you have to think no matter what the previous chapter said new chapter so if you broke up with somebody or you're you've been broken up with today is the day that you go okay who do I want to be now separate from that person or separate from that relationship like what's like the

ideal me look like sound like talk like work towards how does the ideal me talk with other people relate with other people how does the ideal me focus on getting things done how does the ideal meet move about in the world now in Phase two cuz phase one I learned and that is so critical when you have a breakup learn don't blame don't be mad don't try to get back don't try to recover everything it's like if the break-up is definitive and it is done you must also learn to let go but you know what

it is impossible to let go unless you accept now you're in Phase two because if you keep trying to stay and live in Phase one and every day you keep thinking about them and you're following them on social media and you're still in phase one with your behaviors you'll be miserable so you got to let phase one go step into Phase two by saying okay phase one was a learning what did I learn about myself in that relationship what would my better self do in the next relationship would I learn about people and what I

learn about vulnerability what did I learn about love because I've always learned if you can have a learning mindset recovery is easier if you can look back not to blame not to complain not to moan not to be sad but rather just to explore to be today here in phase two but to observe kind of like flipping back through a couple of the chapters and just kind of looking for a theme looking for a learning oh okay that's good to know now this new chapter goes this way that's what phase two philosophy is all about

learn got it here I am now make the product better make us better make each other grow and I know it sounds weird to say product but this is how we would think about this as an example if you're thinking about engineering or product development and we're all humans in development right you're in now you 2.0 or 3.0 or 4.0 like you're in a new phase baby so if you can step in that new phase with a learning mindset that will help second you've got to be grateful for phase one it's hard when you're hurt

when you're mad when you're upset all you want to do is hate that that phase one happened why does this happen to me but I want you to be grateful for who you now know you need to become who you now know you need to become be grateful for that be grateful to the times you did have love be have plenty of nostalgia be thankful for those beautiful moments in life that this person gave you in the relationship without needing to cling and get it back so you can be free from something and appreciate it

like I had lots of things happen to me in like you know ninth grade and 11th grade that were beautiful and great times with friends but those friends aren't here in Phase two it doesn't mean that I don't appreciate those times with my friends same thing in relationships you can still appreciate those things but they're not here in Phase two and you're okay with that because you're just grateful for everything you've learned along the way I know that sounds flip it to say and you might be like yeah yeah right now I'm not grateful I'm

mad I get that but I'm here to tell you your development will not proceed until you can see phase one through a learning mindset and a grateful mindset until you can do that you won't live your life you'll be stuck there and so if you keep thinking about it thinking about thinking about it look great think about it but think about it for two things learn number one think about for gratitude number two and number three what will I do now Who am I now that's this phase two philosophy your start a new phase your

light babe second big idea I want you to pour yourself into your friendships and your passions pour yourself in to your friendships and your passions when you're hurt and you're upset you know what you want to do withdraw you want to go hide in a cave you want to isolate yourself but what you don't need now is a great dose of loneliness my friend what you need now is social connection because in your relationship in phase one you had a different you had a connection there and it was a social connection it was an intimate

connection but it was a social connection you need a new social connection and you don't need to go find a new person for that you can still have connection with your friends so go re-engage your friends go out with your friends more than you used to be responsible to go out with your friends more schedule more lunch schedule more dinners schedule go more walks with your girlfriends or your buddies like get outdoors be with your friends and schedule the time don't be like I got nothing to do this weekend pick up the phone hey Pete

do you want to go out hey Sarah should we meet up like don't sit there and wait for them to come to you because remember a funny thing happens when you're in break up time slows down and for you the hours are torturous and the days are horrible but for everybody else they're just going through the day waiting for the next time that they can go hang out so their life is proceeding because when you're in sad time slows down and you really feel it and I think biology and evolution gave us that so that

we can be contemplative and so we can learn but for you times gonna go slower then your friends so don't be mad if your friends aren't all pouring themselves into you they don't know they're just going about their day right nothing change for them so you've got to be proactive in reaching out your friends pour yourself into friendships they'll help you not only feel good and laugh and they'll give you that social connection feeling also pour yourself in your passions whatever you are curious about I want you to dork out and go deep on I

mean if you're curious about you know this type of movie in filming or you're curious about this type of business or you carry about curious about this topic go get the books watch the videos on it take a course on it like deep dive into your passions like dork out like obsess a little bit because that little bit of ass obsession about the things that you really love will also introduced that feeling of like passion and love that obviously you cannot replace from a person or an intimate relationship but listen isn't it true we should

all pour ourselves into our passions anyway right we all know that phrase be passionate live with that passion well do that don't allow yourself just to mope all day listen I'm totally okay when you break up if you have four or five days of nothing but ass not driven like Netflix binge you know chip eaten like bad food bad drinks bad everything for six days to mope and feel bad everyone's allowed that but that can't be your life so you've got to reengage your passions and don't wait three months don't worry I'll do it a

year from now and I feel better because you know what you won't feel better you are going to generate better feelings you're not gonna hope that one day you're happy you got to start going generating happiness if you heard me teach any time I always say the power plant does not have energy it transforms energy from one quality to another higher quality of utilization meaning you have to take all that sadness and at some point you're gonna have to transform it and start generating that energy into more positive things for yourself I hope that makes

sense number three I want you to also do a deep dive into your personal development not just the things you're curious or interested about not just your strengths and your passions I want you to like do a deep dive in a person without watch more videos like this for me or other people go watch a bunch of videos on Ted listen to a bunch of the podcasts we eat a bunch of personal development books and don't be embarrassed by it because you know what self-help is necessary right now you you need to do personal development

like a pro like your personal and professional development is critical right now don't wander the woods of sadness for five years and wake up five years later go I'm not any better than I was five years ago we've all been there and that sucks instead architect the best you use this breakup as a breaking point from your old ways of assuming your old ways of doing your own limited thinking and saying you know I want to become a positive optimistic very mindful person I want to be a person who's happy and joyous and you're gonna

have to learn to deal with your thoughts in that if you ever hear someone make fun of personal development all they're not realizing it all personal and professional development is teaching you better ways to use your mind and if they're making fun of that let that be there things you need to learn to use your mind better to become happier right now is there a better time to Train than right now when you you had a break up on how to use your mind better how do learn that how to be more fulfilled and satisfied

learn how to be happier and more positive learn how to control your thoughts because otherwise you know your thoughts can betray you your thoughts can start thinking about things that happen and who is blame that's not good so get into that personal development listen to podcasts watch the videos go to the bookstore pick up three books today that are personal development even if you think the titles are cheesy that's okay you're probably sad you're gc2 right now you're you might be a cheesy metaphor another breakup person it's on your couch and watching the Netflix and

the chips in the bed like hey cheese is okay right now allow yourself a little bit of cheesy personal development it'll make you feel better clearly if you're still watching me I think you're just fine okay last big idea fourth big thing you need to get some momentum my friend if you think about it in any given relationship there's compromise there's give and take and sometimes in your relationship you prioritize a lot of other things but not the projects or the passions or the goals that you had you know it's not that relationships slow us

down I am NOT saying that what I am saying is I bet if you think about it there's a few things you've been waiting to do and I feel like if you can just set three goals related to those things you've been waiting to do each day and just each day knock off those three goals or those three tasks it doesn't matter if they're big ones or little ones just in the morning write down three things you're going to do that day and reliably do them every day do three things to move yourself forward because

you know what the heart loves just as much as love the heart loves progress and when you have progress in your life your brain goes oh I'm doing okay here I'm doing good here we know that as you get more momentum and progress in your life your self-confidence goes up as your self-confidence goes up so too does your social connection ability you're more confident you're more able to be interested in people again and I think that's really important as you get more momentum you feel good about yourself you're more willing to engage people you got

to make sure you're doing things that make you feel good about yourself again and that requires daily tasks and goals that you do consistently all right I hope these four ideas helped you today my friend again if if you are in a breakup and it's been hurtful and it's been sad it's been challenging I give you my heart right now I understand that I've been through that several times in my life but I also want that you know in Phase two or in phase three or phase four or five upcoming for you things will get

better you are stronger than you think my friend and the future still holds good things for you so consider what I've shared today go put yourself out there keep living your life have that idealized version of you you can choose to go through this is in a way that is disempowering or this is about to become the most empowering time of your life all right hey guys it's Brendan and I hope you enjoyed my video stay if you we do meet two simple things number one share with somebody else and number two click Subscribe down

below that will help so much and then you get notices every time I post a new video also if you're somebody who's always like looking at my work and you're wondering like how does he do it all we have two new tools that can really help you reach what we call that high performance experience as you know I call you guys team HP X which HP X stands for high performance experience it's that idea that philosophy of living that says I want to live the highest version of myself I want to life it's you know

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please as you know every single day you have a choice you can go be average or ordinary or you can choose to be extraordinary so my friends go big store night