MALIGNANT Narcissists: Everything you need to know (Part 1/3)

hi everyone its dr. Romani and welcome back to this series on narcissistic types these are multi episode multi multi day episode episodes on these various narcissistic types that's how dense this stuff is lots of people wanted these deep dives and breakdowns of these types to help them understand because in some ways narcissism to a tricky bit because if you are dealing with a covert narcissist and someone else you know selling with a malignant narcissism it's a very different experience so by understanding the types you might have different ideas of your experience your vulnerabilities and how

to deal with it today we're going to be taking on the issue of the malignant narcissist so today in part 1 we're gonna have an introduction to all of that as always though if you're enjoying this content please subscribe to this channel and also hit the bell if you want notifications each day when we post a new video so let's talk about the malignant narcissist now this is sort of like kind of the the most frightening series of episodes in this because this is where narcissism can feel downright dangerous more than it usually does and

I often consider malignant narcissism to be the last stop on the train before it turns the direction towards psychopathy but there are major differences between malignant narcissism and psychopathy and we're going to talk more about that in a moment because the distinctions between the two become very important in understanding all of this so what is malignant narcissism it has the same base as all narcissism little or limited capacity for empathy entitlement grandiosity validation seeking arrogance superficiality all the usual stuff but in the malignant narcissists we also observe some other patterns we don't tend to see

as much we can but not as much in the other other narcissistic styles and these include exploitative 'no snip yadav ness coercive control and a sense of being very controlling there is a meanness a menace and a cruelty to malignant narcissists that isn't typically observed in other forms of narcissism now as a rule malignant narcissists are very deceitful they lie regularly to suit their purposes and to protect their interests and their fragile egos now in people with malignant narcissism where people who are malignant narcissists we see patterns we also observe an antisocial personality disorder now

that's the diagnostic name to the pattern more of you are used to hearing as being called psychopathy this is where the territory like deceit and exploitative nasaw come in people who have antisocial personality disorder or psychopathy have a willful disregard for the needs and the safety of other people they typically manifest a willingness to take advantage of other people and they tend to be ethically and even legally pretty sketchy they will Bend and break rules and laws and intimidate and bully people for their own advantage so in malignant narcissism we also tend to see a

focus on themes like power profit and pleasure malignant narcissists are motivated by power which they may get by controlling and oppressing people through coercive leadership through money any way that they can hold power over other people they also put their pleasure ahead of the needs of others and even basic safety of others this tendon see means that malignant narcissists you know often pursue sexual partners with absolute abandon and it's really almost like a numbers game for them or a perversion game for them and they're also drawn to other addictive or compulsive behaviors and these can

include things like drug abuse shopping spending or gambling now some people may even describe malignant narcissists as being sort of intense because a malignant narcissist has an almost obsessive focus on the things that bring them power and pleasure and frightening Lee so this is one of the reasons malignant narcissists become very successful they become so focused on making money that that's their everything now malignant narcissists can also be quite aggressive and that aggressiveness can be manifested physically through violence but also through very psychologically abusive displays of anger insults and interpersonal cruelty towards other people these

can be their partner their family their friends anyone now in this way it's not surprising that malignant narcissists are at a much higher likelihood of abusing their partners and family members other close associates and even other anyone else who might be in their purview that could include people that are employees and that could also include people who are business associates so interestingly one pattern we also tend to see in malignant narcissism is almost borders on paranoia this came up also when we talked about covert narcissism but this goes well beyond the usual hypersensitivity we see

in more classical grandiose narcissist so for example being overly sensitive even in the face of a constructive critique or normal feedback or just feeling chronically victimized in contrast malignant narcissists often believe that other people are out to get them or are against them they will often hurl all kinds of unfounded unsubstantiated accusations about the loyalty or the honor of other people around them so for example they may do something like accusing a partner completely wrongfully of cheating or they might accuse a family member or a business partner of cheating you know ironically it is far

more likely that they are the one that is engaging in the shady unethical behavior that they would be accusing someone else it's it's as though they're taking so much advantage of other people they must be assuming everyone else is doing it to them - they may have all sorts of elaborate security systems on computers and their homes and never let their phone out of their sight it's actually a signature move they'll take their phone into the bathroom rather than leave it on the table even if you're there at the table with them they can even

fall under believing in sort of conspiracies and believing that other entities like businesses or governments are out to get them and harm their business will interest in one way or another their paranoia this is where it gets interesting their paranoia can often fuel their rage so this just isn't your good natured conspiracy their fear is that you can sort of laugh at and sort of you know sort of joke about these are people who really angry sometimes even violently rage at people they incorrectly believe are out to harm them and that can make any form

of relationship with them quite challenging because it is sort of very paranoid and it's really not based on anything in you it's very much their vulnerabilities and their sensitivities now in some ways they're paranoid fears maybe actually someone founded because they have harmed and screwed over so many people that in fact someone may be coming out to get them but it isn't that simple they really do view the world through a lens of threat and frankly it is likely a projection they are so sort of committed to manipulating exploiting and harming other people that is

also quite possible that they project that behavior and intention on to other people now personally I think that malignant narcissism really lines up beautifully with the work of Pallas and Williams who in 2002 wrote a paper about something called the dark triad the dark triad is comprised of narcissism you already know narcissism you know better than any student I've ever worked in you got this psychopathy and something called Machiavellianism now while malignant narcissists aren't what we consider to be psychopaths as we described Psychopaths in the theoretical literature and when we look at how psychopaths are

written about men are Linda in the words of classical writers in this field like Robert hair in the dark triad the word psychopathy refers to patterns that include charm impulsivity lack of guilt little regard for the consequences of their behavior and a willingness to exploit other people the machiavellianism part of the dark tribe reflects a person who is focused above all on their superficial reputation and is calculating and cunning in a manner that could be viewed as strategic but they're calculated behavior absolutely does not account hurting other people they just don't care they don't care

about being unethical and they're absolutely willing to bend and move the rules to their own convenience to achieve their goal and the Triad the dark triad has just wrapped up in a bow of a whole bunch of other personality patterns including being disagreeable being callous and being dishonest this is not a nice pattern and yet take a good hard look at lots of leaders out there world leaders local leaders corporate leaders educational leaders and they fit the dark triad model quite well now listen much as I'd love to I'm not going to get into the

philosophical argument of why we have fallen so far in our societies if you want that go read my book because it's in there but for now let's stick to how this pattern looks the dark triad definitely captures many of the themes of the malignant narcissism when you think about it it really gives you a sense of how potentially dangerous this pattern is so here begs the question why would malignant narcissists with all of their menace and manipulation and coercion be attractive to anyone for all the usual reasons that all of these narcissists are attractive especially

the grandiose narcissist we find malignant narcissists attractive because just like their grandiose buddies they can be very charming they can be very charismatic all the usual stuff they can be so confident and almost fearless that it looks like swagger and there is a seeming almost fearlessness that pervades everything that they do so they may seem like they're much more strong or brave than other people and this can often trick people who are drawn to relationships that will allow them to feel secure and comforted and that sort of swaggering fearlessness can create a false sense of

comfort like this person will always go to blows for me it's a very very dangerous precedent I've seen in many relationships with malignant narcissists now malignant narcissists may also tend to come on a bit strong they are more driven by net dynamics such as power and control than other narcissist maybe and sadly these initial peaks in at how controlling that they are can be amiss interpreted as someone who is really into you because it's so intense and this intensity can easily be misinterpreted as intense interest or intense passion rather than as being the foreshadowing of

menacing and potentially dangerous control because they are so manipulative and exploitative early on they may actually seem quite attentive and just like the wolf and Little Red Riding Hood they'll give you that the better to know you my dear it's creepy and it's unsettling now in that early stage though a lot of their intensity is on intelligence and information gathering about you they're learning your vulnerabilities your pressure points and soon enough they will turn around and use all that information they gathered to frighten you control you and manipulate you these relationships sadly almost pull for

a dynamic of obedience a person may pretty quickly fall into exactly what the malignant narcissist wants and there's a complex set of reasons for why people almost get into the sort of obedient framework with the malignant narcissist this can include fear of their overpowering rage hope that you might win them over if you do exactly what it is they want you to do as well as long-standing patterns that may have long predated the malignant narcissist in your life of having to capitulate or give in it's a narcissists since you were a child and this sort

of paralysis of fear is what allows malignant narcissists to draw people in and keep people in people want to believe the narrative and move and malignant narcissists are selling the NARC narrative that they want to believe malignant narcissists are the best sales people around when they will just keep you on the hook dangle it their future faking whatever it takes to keep you there until they get what they want from you and then cut you off and leave you to suffer with no or little conscience I told you with malignant narcissists we often make them

our leaders it can be a local leader they can be a club leader they could be a national leader because we often view them as bold outspoken and courageous and that's often because they are so callous so will they're so willing to make those uncomfortable and unpopular decisions but the decisions they make are the decisions that will get them what they want if they just happen to line up with making profits or what other people want at that time interestingly people would just blindly go along with their dangerous behavior and it's interesting because it's this

blindly following and not recognising the malignant narcissists are just doing what works for them it's in this way that many people end up with malignant narcissistic bosses they believe the hype and in many industries out there so sad law medicine academia finance you name it it can feel like you have to go through a hazing ritual to come up the ranks as a result the malignant narcissistic leaders are able to get away with their horrific treatment of other people because people think it's just sort of part of the process of working in that particular workplace

or industry so that was sort of an introduction to malignant narcissism which by now your thing yikes this actually feels a bit more dangerous than the other kinds of narcissism we've heard about actually you're going to hear about and it kind of is in terms of violence being perpetrated by narcissus it's it's very often this but overall where it is most compelling with the malignant narcissist as you're seeing is this almost menacing overpowering unethical willing to break all the rules no-holds-barred narcissism that bizarrely is both enticing and terrifying so stay tuned we're gonna continue to

do this deep dive on malignant narcissism on part two tomorrow so if you aren't scared already I promise you this is about to get worse thanks again for tuning in please hit the subscribe button join us for morons its content hit the bell for notifications and we'll see you soon