7 Things You Should NEVER Give Your Children - Wisdom for Living | STOICISM

have you ever wondered if your generosity might be hurting your children imagine you're about to retire and you want to make sure your children have a good future but what if I told you that there are seven things you should never give them for their own good you'll be surprised by the latest Revelation but before we start I want you to pay close attention to this story because it will be very important for you to understand the big lesson of this video Elena a newly retired woman brimming with excitement to help her children planned to

give them money and property convinced that this was the best way to ensure their welfare sound familiar but before Elena could put her plan into action her neighbor the wise Don Javier issued a warning that perplexed her Elena he told her in a calm voice sometimes giving too much can be like overwatering a plant instead of helping it grow you could be choking it could it be possible that Elena's generosity was about to become a trap for her children before we continue if you find Value in these videos please subscribe and click the Bell to

stay updated Elena with a heart overflowing with love and the best of intentions decided to give Carlos a considerable sum of money after his retirement you can finally fulfill your dreams she told him excitedly but what Elena didn't know was that she was about to trigger a series of events that would change Carlos's life forever Carlos thrilled by this unexpected Stroke of Luck decided to quit his job why keep trying he thought and so without realizing it he fell into the Trap of easy money what seemed like a blessing quickly turned into a curse this

phenomenon known as the rich air syndrome is not as unusual as you might think in fact it's so common that it even has a name in Psychology Dr Roy Williams author of preparing your kids for a billion dollars states that 70% of wealthy families lose their wealth by the second generation and 90% by the third but why does this happen well imagine you were given a huge cake every day at first you'd be thrilled right but over time Not only would you lose interest in baking but you'd probably develop a number of health problems money

Works in a similar way the famous psychologist Abraham maslo once said if the only tool you have is a hammer you tend to see every problem as a nail in Carlos's case his new tool was money and suddenly all his problems seem to have a monetary solution he lost the ability to face challenges to grow to find satisfaction in Personal Achievement but all is not lost as the saying goes It's better to teach a fish to fish than to give a fish away Elena could have chosen to teach Carlos Financial skills Foster his entrepreneurial Spirit

or even invest in a business together these options would not only have provided financial support but also value valuable life lessons the philosopher senica more than 2,000 years ago already warned about the dangers of wealth without wisdom it is not the man who has little but he who craves more who is poor he said Charles had much but in losing his purpose he found himself poorer than ever are you thinking of giving a great gift to your children before you do ask yourself am I giving them a safety net or a gilded cage am I

providing them with a springboard to achieve their dreams or a comfortable couch where their Ambitions will sleep remember the real gift is not the money itself but the tools to create it multiply it and use it wisely as the Tycoon said Warren Buffett I will leave enough money for my children to do something but not so much that they do nothing let's go now to the Trap of gifted properties imagine the scene Elena recently retired and brimming with good intentions decides to surprise her daughter Anna with a gift that at first glance seems straight out

of a fairy tale honey I want to give you our summer house on the beach it's yours now Anna excited already sees herself enjoying long afternoons in front of the sea but what if this dream turns into a financial nightmare as the philosopher senica once said he is not poor who has little but he who desires much and boy was Anna on the verge of wishing she hadn't received that gift what Elena didn't consider were the hidden costs that came with that property annual taxes constant maintenance unexpected repairs suddenly that dream home became a bottomless

pit that devoured Anna's savings but let's not get ahead of ourselves this scenario is not as unusual as you might think in fact a recent study showed that inherited properties often become family bone of contention sound familiar well get ready because the Martinez's story is going to blow your mind mind the Martinez's were the epitome of a close-knit family until their grandfather passed away and left them his old house what seemed like a gesture of Love became a Battleground who would pay for the repairs who would live there should they sell it family gatherings went

from moments of joy to sessions of shouting and slamming doors in the end the property that was supposed to unite them ended up dividing them now don't get me wrong giving away property is not inherently bad the problem arises when you don't consider the big picture as psychologist Abraham maslo would say if you only have a hammer you tend to see every problem as a nail and in this case the hammer is the good intention but the problem is much more complex than a single nail the key is financial education before gifting property it is

crucial to make sure the recipient is prepared to handle it does he or she have the means to maintain it does he or she understand the responsibilities involved has he or she considered the tax implications going back to Elena and Anna imagine if instead of simply giving the house away Elena had involved Anna in the decision-making process they could have explored options together sell the property and split the proceeds create a fund for its upkeep or even turn it into a family vacation rental business open communication and Joint planning could have transformed this potential disaster

into an opportunity for family growth as the philosopher epicus wisely said wealth does not consist in having great possessions but in having few needs perhaps the real gift is not the property itself but the lessons in financial responsibility and family communication that can come from these situations let's go back to Elena's story Elena with all her good intentions has always been there to solve every problem that came their way from small conflicts at school to Major decisions in adult life Elena has been the superhero who came to the rescue sounds nice doesn't it but as

the saying goes the road to hell is paved with good intentions it turns out that this practice has a name helicopter parenting and no it's not about parents flying around in fancy helicopters although that would be pretty funny it refers to parents constantly flying over their children's lives ready to land and solve any problems that arise but what what's the problem with being so attentive and helpful well imagine you're in a gym you have a personal trainer who instead of teaching you how to lift weights lifts them for you do you think you would gain

muscle of course not in the same way when we solve all of our children's problems we are robbing them of the opportunity to develop their emotional muscles and problem solving skills a study conducted by the University of Florida revealed something surprising young adults raised by overprotective parents tend to have a harder time handling the stresses and strains of everyday life it's as if we gave them a map to navigate life but took away their Compass returning to our friend Elena she began to notice something strange Carlos her oldest son seemed unable to make decisions on

his own whenever he faced a challenge at work he would call Elena in a panic Anna on the other hand avoided any situation that might prove difficult the thought of moving out on her own or looking for a new job paralyzed her with fear and luish the youngest son and our new character in the story grew up watching how his mother handled Carlos's crisis although she tried to be more independent Elena always found a way to help even when she wasn't asked psychologist Alfredo Oliva explains overprotection may seem like love but in reality it is

fear fear that our children will suffer fear that they will fail but failure and suffering are an essential part of learning and growth so what can we do should we just let our children crash into every obstacle not exactly the key is to find balance as the philosopher Khalil jibran once said your children are not your children they are Sons and Daughters of Life desirous of itself what we can do is offer them support within our capabilities when they are in trouble but without overdoing it it's like teaching them to ride a bike first with

training wheels then holding the seat and finally letting them pedal on their own yes they may fall a few times but those Falls are what will teach them to keep their balance Elena decided to take a step back the next time Carlos called her about a problem at work instead of giving her the solution he asked her what do you think you should do with Anna she began to encourage her to face small challenges celebrating each small Triumph and with Louise we'll see what happens later before continuing with the story if you like this video

don't forget to hit the like button and subscribe to the Channel with the Bell so you don't miss future videos and if you enjoy this kind of content as much as I do comment I love these stories by the way also comment what you would like to see in the next videos I read all your comments let's keep learning together and improving Our Lives get ready to discover how the desire to help can become an invisible trap in family relationships Elena our protagonist found herself in this situation without realizing it after retiring she thought she

had all the wisdom in the world to share with her children what a surprise she got imagine the scene Elena with the best of intentions bombarding her children with advice about every aspect of their lives Louise you should change jobs Anna why don't you move closer Carlos that haircut doesn't suit you little phrases that without knowing it were building an invisible wall between her and her children but why can unsolicited advice be so counterproductive according to psychologist Dr Maria Martinez when we give unsolicited advice we are sending the subliminal message that we don't trust the

other person's ability to make decisions whoops that wasn't what Elena wanted to convey was it the straw that broke the camel's back was when Louis Elena's youngest son decided to distance himself the reason he was fed up with constantly hearing how he should live his life Anna the middle daughter began to avoid her mother's calls and Carlos the eldest limited himself to responding with monosyllables when Elena started with her suggestions Elena realized that something was wrong when she organized a family dinner and only Carlos showed up who confessed that his brothers were avoiding these meetings

what a slap in the face of reality but all is not lost the philosopher epicus once said it is not things that disturb us but our Judgment of things Ellena decided to apply this wisdom to her situation she began to practice the art of non-judgmental listening instead of jumping in with advice every time her children told her something she started asking questions how do you feel about it logically what do you think would be best for you surprisingly her children started seeking her out more often a study conducted by the University of Michigan revealed that

young adults whose parents respected their autonomy reported higher levels of satisfaction in their family relationships Elena was on the right track the key is to find the balance between being available to your children and respecting their ability to make their own decisions as comedian Jerry Seinfeld would say sometimes the best advice is no advice at all Elena learned that her children didn't need a constant instruction manual but a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on when they needed it she began to enjoy deeper more meaningful conversations with them without the pressure of having to

fix everything now have you ever wondered if your words might be creating an invisible Rift between your children imagine that every comparison is like a small stone that without realizing it is building a wall between siblings Elena our retired protagonist was in a situation that many parents will recognize with her three children Louise Anna and Carlos she believed she was Distributing their love and attention equally however without realizing it she had fallen into the Trap of comparisons Louise why can't you be more organized like Anna logically Elena often said Carlos your older brother already had

a job at your age these seemingly harmless phrases were sewing seeds of resentment and rivalry between the siblings psychologist Abraham maslo once said the healthiest way to raise a child is to help him develop his individuality Elena was unknowingly doing the exact opposite her constant comparisons were eroding her children's self-esteem and creating tensions in the family Dynamic one day during a family dinner the atmosphere became tense when Elena once again compared their children Louise exploded it's always the same Anna is the perfect one Carlos is the successful one and what about me the family loser

the silence that followed was deafening this moment was a turning point for Elena she realized that her words far from motivating were deeply hurting her children the question is how many parents fall into this trap without realizing it a study conducted by the University of Illinois revealed that children who are frequently compared to their siblings te tend to develop greater anxiety and self-esteem problems in adulthood it is as if each comparison is a brick in an invisible wall separating siblings Dr Alfredo oliv an expert in developmental psychology explains comparisons between siblings can have devastating long-term

effects not only do they affect the relationship between them but also the perception they have of themselves Elena determined to change sought professional help she learned that each child is unique with his or her own strengths and weaknesses she began to practice what psychologists call specific praise focusing on each child's individual accomplishments without comparing them to others Carlos I am proud of how you persevered in finding a job you are passionate about she was now saying Anna your ability to organize your time is admirable Louise your creativity in the kitchen amazes me every day these

comments specific and personalized began to heal the wounds of the past the change was not immediate but over time Elena noticed how the atmosphere at home was transformed siblings began to support each other instead of competing family dinners were filled with laughter instead of tension as the Roman philosopher senica said treat your inferior as you expect your Superior to treat you Elena applied this wisdom to her parenting treating each child with the respect and individuality they deserved the lesson is clear valuing each child's individuality not only strengthens their self-esteem but also creates a healthier and

more harmonious family environment it's like growing a garden each flower needs its own space and care to bloom in all its Splendor continuing on this theme what about exaggerated expectations expectations are like balloons if you inflate them too much they pop Elena our beloved retiring believed she was doing the right thing by dreaming big for her children Louise the frustrated artist Anna the future lawyer and Carlos the soon to be successful entrepreneur but what happens when our wishes become a heavy backpack for our children imagine for a moment that you are Louise ever since you

were a child your mother has told you that you have a gift for painting you'll be the next Picasso she keeps telling you but what if your true passion is music every brush stroke becomes a reminder of the expectations you're not living up to the renowned psychologist KL Yung once said the shoe that fits one person may be too tight for another and boy was he right Elena's expectations however well-intentioned were squeezing her children's dreams until they were suffocating a recent study revealed something surprising young people who face unreasonable expectations tend to experience higher levels

of of Stress and Anxiety it's as if we were asking them to climb Everest in flip-flops impossible and dangerous Anna Elena's perfect daughter began to suffer from panic attacks before every exam the pressure to be the best lawyer even before she entered College was consuming her sound familiar maybe you're not Elena but I'm sure you know someone who has fallen into this trap Elena was projecting her unrealized dreams onto her children creating an emotional roller coaster for the entire family Carlos the youngest decided to Rebel instead of following the entrepreneurial path his mother had laid

out for him he enrolled in a cooking course the disappointment in Elena's eyes was evident but shouldn't she be proud that her son was following his true passion it is as if we are giving our children a map to a treasure they are not looking for wouldn't it be better to give them a compass and let them find their own way psychologist Martin Seligman the father of positive psychology reminds us that true happiness comes from using our unique strengths but how can our children discover their strengths if they are busy trying to meet our expectations

Elena had her moment of Enlightenment during a family dinner Luis announced that he had decided to quit painting and join a rock band instead of disappointment Elena felt a mixture of relief and pride her son had found his true passion this twisted in the story teaches us a valuable lesson supporting our children's own dreams not only makes them happier but also strengthens the family bond it's like watering a plant if you give it what it needs it will Bloom on its own the famous pediatrician Dr Spar once said trust yourself you know more than you

think you do perhaps it's time we also trust our children and their ability to find their own way Ellena our beloved retiree was facing a new challenge after years of giving her all for her children she found herself in a situation that many parents dread being taken for granted sound familiar well brace yourself because what Elena was about to discover would change her life forever it all started when her youngest son Carlos asked to move into her house temporarily it'll only be a few months mom he said Elena with her heart of gold agreed without

a second thought but those months turned into a year and before she knew it Elena found herself doing laundry cooking and cleaning for her 30-year-old son the result Elena felt more like a maid than a mother where was the line between maternal love and abuse of trust as the philosopher Khalil Gibran once said your children are not your children they are Sons and Daughters of self-showing life but Elena was not alone in this situation A study conducted by the University of Michigan revealed that 25 of retired parents experience some form of financial or emotional abuse

from their adult children surprising isn't it psychologist Dr Laura Markham explains unconditional love does not mean permissiveness without boundaries in fact setting healthy boundaries is a form of love who knew it turns out that saying no can also be an act of love Elena realized that her desire to help was actually hindering Carlos's growth as the famous psychologist Carl Jung once said the shoe that fits one person squeezes another Elena was so busy being the perfect Mom that she didn't realize she was squeezing Carlos's opportunities for growth so what did Elena do she decided to

have an honest conversation with Carlos she explained that although she loved him unconditionally they needed to set some boundaries Carlos's reaction surprisingly positive it turned turn out that he too felt trapped in this Dynamic and didn't know how to get out of it together they worked out a plan Carlos would begin to contribute to the household expenses and take care of his own household chores Elena for her part pledged not to interfere in Carlos's decisions and to give him the space he needed to grow the result a healthier and more balanced relationship Elena regained her

independence and Carlos learned valuable lessons about responsibility and and autonomy this experience teaches us a valuable lesson true love includes setting clear boundaries it's not about not loving or supporting our children but doing so in a way that Fosters their growth and autonomy great but have you ever felt that despite your best efforts something is still missing in your relationship with your children Elena was about to discover that the real wisdom sometimes hides in the most unexpected places who would have thought that your neighbor Don aier was keeping an ancient secret that would change your

perspective forever Elena with a heavy heart and a mind full of doubts decided to seek advice she crossed the street and knocked on the door of Don Javier her enigmatic neighbor Don Javier I need your help Elena said in a trembling voice I feel like I'm losing connection with my children Don Javier with a Serene smile invited her in Elena you've come to the right place did you know that the ancient stoics had a lot to say about parenting Elena blinked in Surprise stoics what did ancient philosophers have to do with her Modern Problems you

see Don Javier continued the stoics believed in the concept of love with Detachment sounds contradictory doesn't it but it's like holding a bird in your hand if you squeeze it too hard you hurt it if you let go of it completely it goes away the trick is to hold it firmly but allow it the freedom to fly Ellena listened in Fascination Don Javier explained how the philosopher epicus taught that we cannot control what happens only how we react to it think of your children as saplings Don Javier said your job is not to grow for

them but to create the right environment for them to flourish on their own but how can I let you face difficulties asked Elena Don Javier smiled Marcus Aurelius once said what doesn't kill me makes me stronger allowing your children to face challenges is like vaccinating them against life's difficulties Elena looked thoughtful are you saying I should stop helping them Don Javier shook his head no Elena stoic love is not cold or distant it is a love that recognizes the individuality and responsibility of each person it is like being The Wind Beneath Your Wings not the

pilot of your plane Elena's mind was spinning these ideas challenged everything she thought she knew about maternal love Don Javier continued senica taught us that the greatest wealth is to live content with little don't you think that by giving your children everything you might be depriving them of the satisfaction of earning it for themselves Elena remembered all the times she had solved her children's problems inadvertently depriving them of valuable lessons but how can I start to change she asked Don Javier suggested she start with small steps the next time your child asks you for help

instead of solving the problem for him or her ask what do you think you should do you'll be surprised at how capable they are as Elena prepared to leave Don Javier gave her one last piece of advice remember Elena true love is not possessive it's like the sun it shines for everyone but it doesn't demand anything in return Elena was at a Crossroads after years of giving her all for her children she realized she needed a radical change with determination she came up with a plan that would transform not only her life but that of

her entire family can you imagine Reinventing Your relationship with your adult children well that's exactly what Elena set out to do Elena's First Step was to set clear boundaries she decided that she would no longer be the fixer of all her children's problems as psychologist Carl Rogers once said the Curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am then I can change Elena understood that by ceasing to constantly intervene she was giving her children the opportunity to grow when Elena communicated her new rules reactions were mixed Louise the artist was confused Anna the

lawyer was relieved and Carlos the budding Chef resisted at first but Mom you've always been there for us he protested Elena replied with a smile and I always will be but but in a different way the philosopher senica said it is not because things are difficult that we do not dare it is because we do not dare that they are difficult Elena held on to this idea as she faced the initial challenges there were moments of doubt and tension but she stood firm in her decision one day Anna called in desperation because she had lost

an important case in court instead of offering her Solutions Elena asked what do you think you can learn from this experience this simple question opened a profound dialogue between mother and daughter strengthening their relationship in a way Ellena could never have imagined psychologist Carol DW in her theory of growth mindset states that a person's true potential is unlocked when they face challenges and learn from them Elena was putting this idea into practice allowing her children to develop resilience and self-confidence over time Elena began to notice subtle but significant changes is Louise who used to depend

on her to make decisions began to trust his own judgment more Carlos surprisingly began inviting her to dinner cooking elaborate dishes himself mom I want to give you back some of everything you've given me he told her one day bringing tears of joy to Elena's eyes a recent study from the University of Michigan revealed that young adults with empowering parents have higher levels of Life satisfaction Elena was seeing these results firsthand in her children the transformation wasn't easy or quick but every little bit of progress was a victory a year after Elena decided to change

her approach to her relationship with her children the transformation in the family was palpable Carlos the son who had temporarily moved in with her was now living in his own apartment and had successfully launched his catering business Anna the perfect budding lawyer had discovered her true passion for psychology and was pursuing a master's degree in Family Therapy and luish the frustrated artist was now playing in a local band with growing popularity but the changes were not limited to professional accomplishments ellena's new attitude based on setting healthy boundaries and encouraging Independence had strengthened family ties in

a way she could never have imagined as psychologist Carl Rogers once said the only learning that can significantly influence behavior is that which the individual discovers and incorporates for himself Elena had learned this lesson the hard way but the results spoke for themselves family dinners once tense and full of veiled comparisons had become moments of genuine connection at one such Gathering Louis laughingly remarked remember when Mom insisted that I would be the next Picasso well it turns out I'm more MC Jagger than van go and I couldn't be happier this new family Dynamic had not

only improved individual relationships but also created an atmosphere of mutual support Anna for example was using her knowledge of psychology to help with the marketing strategy for Carlos's business Elena had finally understood the deeper meaning of these words by letting go of the Reigns and allowing her children to find their own way she had discovered a more authentic and fulfilling way to be a mother a recent Harvard University study revealed that young adults who grew up in Environ experiments that fostered autonomy and responsibility were 40% more likely to report high levels of Life satisfaction Elena

was seeing these results firsthand but perhaps the most significant change was in Elena herself she no longer felt responsible for solving all of her children's problems or running their lives instead she had become a source of support and wisdom someone her children turned to for advice but not for Magical Solutions as she reflected in her diary the real gift I can give my children is not money property or instant Solutions it is self-confidence the ability to face their own challenges and the assurance that I will always be here to support them but not to live

their lives for them this transformation had not been easy there were moments of Doubt heated discussions and tears shed but as psychologist Victor Frankle once said when we cannot change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves eles and that is exactly what Elena and her family had accomplished Elena learned that it's not about unlimited money giving away property or solving all her problems nor is it about giving unsolicited advice comparing children or having exaggerated expectations the real gift is to teach them Independence and responsibility while giving them love with healthy boundaries as psychologist Abraham

maslo said the healthiest way to raise a child is to help him develop his individuality think about your own family are you giving your children the tools to fly or are you keeping them in a gilded cage remember true love is not doing everything for them but preparing them so they can do it for themselves if you've made it this far write true love in the comments so I know who the victors are that made it to the end of the video don't forget to like subscribe and turn on notifications for more content like this

in the future share this video with your loved ones so they can implement this wisdom starting today and consider supporting the channel by becoming an exclusive member I'll leave the link in the commentary for you to check out by the way I am writing an ebook that is not yet finished but will be available soon I will let you know when it is ready and I will share the link so you can purchase it now click on this video to continue nourishing your mind with wisdom a big hug and see you next time