The Art of Effective Communication | Marcus Alexander Velazquez | TEDxWolcottSchool

I want to start off my talk this evening by asking a few questions if any of these questions apply to you please kindly raise your hand question number one have any of you here ever felt like you've been held hostage in a conversation before you may lower your hands thank you question number two have any of you here ever been part of a conversation where you know the person talking could have said what they needed to say much faster and with many fewer words this is my last question this is going to tell me how

honest and real of an audience you guys are this evening how many of you have been the person in a conversation talking way longer than you needed to be a couple you got shy with that last question well the title of my talk this evening is the art of effective communication and I want to define those terms communication can be simply defined as the delivering of information now effective communication is when that information is actually received by your audience because it doesn't matter how great your delivery is your communication is ineffective if the information isn't

actually received by your audience and I'll take it a step further not only should information be received by your audience but it also needs to be understood by your audience here's an example let's say I put you in front of a computer on that computer screen as a bunch of computer programming if you're not a computer programmer that information makes no sense to you so although the information has been delivered without understanding the information in front of you that information is useless and I want to take it a step further I truly believe that communication

is mostly effective when your audience is able to take the information that you've given them and then relay it to another third party because that shows you that they truly got it they truly receive the information and they truly understood it to the point where they're able to share it with someone else now I want to define art art is really it's going with the flow it's being in the zone it's being present and adjusting as necessary because you can have all the structure in the world but you have to learn how to navigate through

conversations you may need to navigate through questions or rebuttals or comments that you may never have heard before and communication really is an art form it's like a song-and-dance communication kind of reminds me of painting a painting let's say your original idea was to make a left stroke with the color orange but in the middle of the process you decide that a right stroke with the color yellow is more appropriate it's about being in the zone and adjusting as necessary so why should we even care about effective communication well we should care about effective communication

because these are some of the results of ineffective communication number one on the list is wasted time we waste so much time due to ineffective communication and I highly doubt anyone here wants to waste their time on purpose secondly we also waste emotions to see along with wasted time conversations dragged on much longer than they need to and with that our emotions dragged on much longer than they need to see ineffective communication also leads to misunderstandings and misunderstandings could lead to the eventual loss of relationships has anyone ever lost a relationship due to a misunderstanding

so you see the need for effective communication now I'm not here to proselytize but outside of this forum I share my Christian faith a lot and over the years in doing so I've literally had thousands of conversations with thousands of different people and these people are from every background and walk of life you can imagine and you know what I've learned from that experience no two conversations are ever the same and that's because no two people are ever the same now there may be similarities but you will never find a carbon-copy conversation so you have

to learn how to navigate through questions and rebuttals you may need to explain an idea in a different way if your audience didn't receive it the first time so your job is a Euna cater is to deliver a message and make sure that message is received and understood by your audience point-blank that's it anything that stops or hinders your audience from receiving that information it needs to be removed from your speech and this includes removing things like extra words extra stories and even extra emotions see one of the biggest hindrances to effective communication is talking

for way longer than we need to and this is not only because we're dealing with people's short attention spans but when you talk longer than necessary you become an emotional burden have you ever felt drained after having a conversation with someone no that's no one here right I'm talking to a different audience you feel drained and see this brings up a very serious issue there are people out there that suffer from a very serious disease and you in the audience you may know someone who suffers from this disease and this disease is commonly known as

diarrhea of the mouth where it feels like a dam just broken the floodwaters are gushing out these people will literally use just about every word in the English language and yet make no point oh it's a problem see problems arise when communication and conversations become more about the person wanting to be heard than actually delivering information now there's a mathematical phrase that says the shortest distance between two points is a straight line now this can refer to direct communication because after all a straight line gets straight to the point not giving third-party comments and hoping

that your message gets across to your audience here's an example let's say you're angry at someone instead of directly telling them that you're angry instead of directly telling them why you're angry and potentially sitting down and coming to a peaceful resolution you may give them the cold shoulder you might leave their texts on read I can't stay that by the way you might huff and puff when you're around them and slam doors not that any of you here have ever done that but we do all these things hoping that this message will get across that

they'll understand that I'm mad at them instead of directly telling them that I'm mad at them see when you speak you need to understand that simplicity is key Albert Einstein once said that if you can't explain it simply you don't understand it well enough I'll say that again Albert Einstein once said that if you can't explain it simply you don't understand it well enough now one of the biggest things is defining your terms defining your terms is huge and this is why you can end up using the same word as someone else and having different

definitions as to what that word means and one of the best ways to clear this up is by asking the following question what does that mean to you what does that word mean to you what does that phrase mean to you what does that sentence mean to you because that will clear up confusion now before you start you need to know what your end goal is what do I want my audience to receive what's the information or message that I want them to receive you know I'm a huge fan of the TV show the office

we have any office Branson here yeah my people I love it so writing the speech reminded me of a scene from The Office there's a scene where Michael Scott is talking to his boss David Wallace David wants to know why his branch is so successful and Michael says David my philosophy is basically this don't ever for any reason under any circumstance whatsoever and he's literally just rambling on and on and later on he goes to be interviewed by the camera and he says sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going

I just hope I find it along the way now that's funny on TV not so much when we're dealing with people one-on-one in the real world I truly feel that one of the biggest things if not the biggest thing that effective communication requires is the following humility humility is key when it comes to effective communication and there are really two keys to humility number one is that you can always be wrong you can always be wrong when you understand that you can always be wrong you can still present confidently but when you understand that you

can be wrong you are then willing and able to listen to opposing viewpoints listening to other people's opinions listening to other people's arguments and their facts the second key to humility is this it is not about you it's about your audience see when you understand that it's not about you and it's about your audience you will then present information the best way that your audience will receive it not necessarily the way you think it best sounds now there's three things I want to point out two of them you might be familiar with already you may

have heard it said it's not what you say but it's how you say it well guess what it is what you say you have to know what you're talking about one of the worst things is being a part of a conversation listening to someone talk about something you know they know nothing about and secondly it is how you say a tone allottee matters you know if you're speaking to someone with a harsh or abrasive tone if you're angry or condescending towards them or any number of negative tones that will hinder your audience from receiving your

message and I want to add a third layer to this because it's not just what is said or how it's said but the third layer is this is what's being said coming from a trustworthy source see Trust is a big part of communication if your audience doesn't trust you then your words will fall on deaf ears and it's really interesting how reputation ties into this because see if your reputation is a hot mess no one will listen to a word you say and why should they why should anyone listen to the words you say when

your life speaks a different message contrary to what you're preaching and if you're taking notes this evening I want you to write this down because I want you take this home your actions will either promote or nullify your words I'll say that again your actions will either promote or nullify your words see direct communication and effective communication is a two-way street what do I mean by that that means that if you're not the one speaking and communicating you should be actively listening you shouldn't focus on more than one thing at a time and you should

give your focus your attention and your respect to the speaker the same way you would want it if you were the one speaking see effective communication saves time it saves emotions and it can quite possibly save relationships aren't these things worth saving thank you guys for your time [Applause]