Paul Mooney - Black People Built The Pyramids (2001) RARE

this place could be in Hollywood not in they hadn't heard it was very funny but you did good anyway good I'm glad you guys came out this is great this is great and so I have a surprise for you I've got your welfare checks no well only they always check black people to come somewhere to arrest them they call it a sting I think we are before I get to do what I'm gonna do I'm gonna talk to you for a little bit because I don't know white folks just in what crazy I'll know if

you've seen kind of the Apes white people on drugs trust me if you've seen it it's a little scary isn't it but the little prostitute of eight looks like Joan Rivers and maybe laughs did she she look just like rivers along with all their facial you know surgery it was very very funny and of course all the light-skinned gorillas are smart and the dark victims are dummies it's a very strange movie very very straight and another funny thing about it is the real monkey there's a chimpanzee that's a monkey and everybody who's a fake gorilla

in the monkey beat up the real one I thought that they gave him a Rodney King ass woman I thought I thought that was very funny I said all the fake monkeys are jumping on the real monkey that was funny to me and then of course the light-skinned sexy monkey was Halle Berry I picked up on all of it I said this is in the little boy marky-mark and what of his name he's on the planet for three days and he doesn't grow up that's stupid and then in this person I like the original version

because the white people didn't talk they talk in this version people on the planet and the original they didn't talk it was my kind of movie why people who couldn't talk what what a wonderful world you know why blue who can't talk it's a bit it's a better world and had some little cute little white one her name was Nova if you know the original Nova and she finally spoke Taylor and Machado as this is my kind of hill they don't talk and if they do talk shoot him I've seen that at least 100 times

cause I liked it but this other stuff was and then at the end of it is it he goes back in the time just go back to his time and they have Abraham Lincoln sitting up there and they said in behind it go Abraham Lincoln cuz he's he's a gorilla freed the humans now I don't know what white folks was thinking of I don't know if they were making fun of us have Lincoln freed the monkeys I don't know what you know they come up with their jokes they can be subtle so I didn't I

mean I was thinking on this is weird and I don't know how they got away with it and the reviewers that's why you look they never reviewed it never say anything about they acted like they didn't see if here's Abraham Lincoln he freed the humans what that mean that he freed the monkeys I mean I don't get it but they would make in front of us I don't know but anyway it was a stupid movie but I'm more concerned with my film I sold a Paramount it's the last white man on earth I'm real excited

about it and there won't be a sequel we catch him but anyway it's a lot of violence in it we beat up Whoopi Goldberg and Donna Ross where is he where's Lee we've seen you with him where is he so we beat them brother I don't know we're just living in real strange times I mean they've been looking for this little Jewish girl in Washington you know the one that's missing which is scary cuz I for my feelings I just think she was pregnant I just think it was her body that was a problem cuz

they could have had her set up the murdered raped killed all this stuff but her body she'll never be found because she was pregnant by congressman serial killer and you notice that why people have the complexion for the protection they're always protected when why he would do dirt there are excuses they were molesting his children they were loners they were nerd this is all you hear you know know why who get in trouble that's what you keep hearing reasons why they are crazy black folks [ __ ] are just crazy [ __ ] but what

white people up there's an excuse for them in this one white man they had on death row yeah I mean every day was the excuse they couldn't kill that white man he has a cold we can't do it today they have been a mistrial but this man has admitted just blowing up children women show up they did it didn't like he was tried their best not to kill that white man this can't bring themselves to do it they will march in lighting candles singing this against God we've got to save them let there be somebody

black on death row this what they do with the cap no this is reality and that's why I'm having this love affair with the Chinese people I am into Chinese every time I see the Chinese I kiss him they're not a scared of white folks I finally found a race that are not afraid of white people I love the Chinese they didn't give a damn they weren't given that plane up look they finally send it back a little Chinese puzzle pieces but the white posters over there all up in their face you know they want

that plane back talking all that stuff they even sent that black man pile they sent him over there they told him it's a way bigger the weight that just submitted the last thing over here up in our face we put on a box of rice you better go on back to Washington and trying to get the play trying to get the plane back trying to get the plane back it's like telling those Chinese people eat with a fork it's a brilliant idea but it's never gonna happen cuz I don't care they said the British didn't

they said after that lease was up they made the British leave they put them on a slow boat from China No you've got to go home and then they brought the army out you saw the news don't start no [ __ ] it won't be none I love the Chinese little Chinese don't care and don't let them fool you they didn't invent rice because rice came from Africa like a lot of stuffs comes in Africa they always tell lies and say you know they find everything they have but they lie about it just like there's

[ __ ] on Mars they found this space up there the big lips and wide nose and tried to hide it and said oh it's just a rock no it's a picture of a [ __ ] so [ __ ] we've been to Mars so you know you can find this everywhere but white folks don't want us places they've never been it's rock oh it's us because you know they will when we do things they will change history in life the pyramids s white folks who built it space people Martians chickens anybody but us we

built the pyramids we built them so good we forgot how we build them yes how good we are [ __ ] but they try to check they do they try to change stuff when we're involved they over there digging and they always find in fossils they found one Lucy that looked just like Whoopi Goldberg then they just found another one they always find in us when they dig it is digging in Sweden and digging in Germany can't find nothing old but they find out stumping only thing white folks got old is Bob Hope what is

he 97 and he's seen the light two or three times he refuses to go because Bob Hope is ten minutes older than dirt here's I saw him the other night it's just Bob now all the hope is gone plus black don't crack I'm sorry you can't you have to look at the [ __ ] ankles let me see your ankles black though look at Lena Horne 81 87 88 she looks 48 black does not crack white folks are cute up till about 30 and then it's a Nightmare on Elm Street no because they get crow's

feet chicken feet pigeons feet turkey beat everybody feets in the white person's base I'm just being real it is I'm sorry white folks you don't have longevity look at Liz Taylor Liz Taylor was so pretty and she was English she's a freak of nature because the English are not cute must be real kids the English are not attracted they're not look at the Queen I'm serious is she's the queen what the hell does the witch look like come on Queen I don't care y'all can look crazy Queen Elizabeth is is ugly her mama's ugly her

son is ugly his girlfriend's ugly they all are some ugly folks that's why they killed Lady daddy was so jealous of her because she was cute she brought beauty to that family they hated her as soon as she was at suppose of accidents which I think the Queen had her killed because she was sleeping with [ __ ] Egyptians and kiss no an African baby she had to go but no I'm being real and they never had an autopsy anybody was that kind of high profile you don't take it for granted that they died like

that you find out what actually killed a pygmy spear could have killed they don't know a blowgun you know they don't know what killed her he ran to get that body didn't he miss Chong he didn't want it when she was alive he broke his neck getting him when she was dead cuz he knew his nanny had a kill hole ugly thing that's a she I can't make this up the Queen said get the jury that's a cold woman get the jury that's all she was interested in and the world was in love lady doubt

the whole world flowers came from everywhere and what's that old nun that died the same week should have held on for another week mother too racist you should have held on does nobody care they didn't care about that you know mother Teresa must have been sit straight to hell because I know she went to heaven Kirsten come on all that praying all that hard work when she got up there she was jealous she saw lady died this is not a halo that's a steering wheel but anyway listen I take it back I take it back

I take it back I take it back he's so funny he got up shake it up and shake hands with [ __ ] so glad to be here I'm so my friend aren't you he's funny he has to get out of here look you've gone it was the Queen Elizabeth being ugly snob in English but listen it's so funny I'm so used to it anyway look I don't want to look white man don't be offended my parents are white please relax anyway it's a very funny world they live in did any of you black people

happen to see a wreath of Franklin's special oh my god what's up with Aretha she is big as a duplex no she's huge wreath is on some eating binge and I'm talking my big old titties just titties for everybody I was watching her on a 19-inch TV set and had to go next to her my name is 24 inch TV said recibo titties is huge titties she's huge remember when Aretha was that so remember she's the queen of soul food now remember when Aretha was basic she wasn't respect chill or respect [ __ ] can

you cook awesome cake you got some biscuits you got some bits you got some turkey you got some chicken you got some barbecue you forgive me no damn respect I will some food do you know the pizza man and there comes a time in your life when use your weight you're so big you cannot wear feathers big folks can't wear feathers who dresses as a week to Franklin Big Bird the Stevie Wonder get award Oh Stevie pass me that dress come on does she have a mud hole and she keeps making she could look funny

you're watching him and not me that's very funny that's Robin if the white man kills me he's watching you guys so he's going he's going most I saw your eyes he is going he has some strange power of his people he's time to figure out what's making you laugh and what kind of power I have and all those Robin Williams he would never look at the audience because he's just funny you know Robin says things about [ __ ] that say axes to the ass they'll never say it to my daughters he was staring that's

why I love my wife folks they are interesting anybody look I caught it we can't deny I saw his eyes he was watching you guys watching your reaction to me seeing how dangerous I am you'll be at my trial I was there I watched him are you sparing dangerous get about stage Bill Cosby I want Chris Rock Chris Tucker Crisco any knows Chris go bigger so that that's black scarf honor that Chaka Zulu attitude but anyway back to Aretha she's too much for me and still trying to wear Toni Braxton's dresses Aretha let me you

can't wear Tony's dress that's a leg warmer for you baby and I don't know Aretha was just ghetto I don't know she was ghetto they did a close up of a rethus mouth no teeth didn't know she didn't have no teeth digit I celebrate this principle that platinum money get some teeth baby you can't sing opera with no teeth that isn't done just ain't got no teeth that wasn't that scary but shame by herself and then there was Janet Jackson's special and Janet always thought cuz she was the Jackson she was kind of kooky cuz

you know they kind of kooky and then I figured her out she's a druggie I'm sorry she's too Spacey yeah that's all some kind of drug she's too Spacey you know I mean I'm bringing that you guys I won't mention no names but mrs. sing I remember somebody when they first came out they were sophisticated pretty Jameel remember but they got into them drugs did not like that now I won't mention no names I just do a little imitation um yeah we go sing a song and you know I'm talking about don't drugs change you

they will give in to those drugs and why folks not a cover form to which a girl Mariah Carey you know she had a nervous breakdown code name for crackhead but anyway look but Janice especially was too much of me and then that brother here comes Michael oh the Phantom of the [ __ ] Opera that boy has ruined his face trying to be under the illusion of inclusion when he dies and goes to heaven God won't recognize him st. Peter who is said God is one of the Jackson says Michael the one the face

I gave Michael Jackson what has he done to but God sick longer but look something's wrong with that boy and he's sick and he's stupid he's dumb as michael really think those the white babies at his have you seen them my babies those little white ass babies are not Michaels there's nothing half acun half african about them the white ass babies come on Michael cuz they put a glove on the baby I could put a glove on this turtle this your turtle [ __ ] I knew when he said Liz Taylor was his mama I

knew there was something wrong with him that white woman is not your mother Michael poor beautiful is a freak of nature English but pretty this was drop-dead gorgeous just overnight she broke overnight liz is like a hag now what happened to Liz Liz look like Roseanne Barr what happened to this potato it's the truth that woman look like sheep [ __ ] in shallow water something happen overnight enema she catches pneumonia every two seconds they always rushed into the hospital poor Liz what curse Liz is falling apart is all about glue and band-aids now it's

so sad they rushed it to the hospital this evening they knew it was Liz they found a foot in the middle of the highway they said lasers fall apart this has to be a foot and a bottle of white diamonds was laying right next to it said this is her perfume this must be her flip because Liz can sell it for a few guests oh she can sell that perfume gone Liz and we also have to talk about - it's just Janice's thing as long as it's so sad and then Bush is on TV talking

about sales and clothes and come on when my folks get the mouse and stuff they've done it already they got some people call them folks and basement somewhere they've already done that then white people don't fool me when they caught telling you about it it's old this ain't new talk about a sheep all that stuff is just to keep us in the dark they didn't did all that stuff I can't wait till they clone a [ __ ] and you get away it's gonna be on the news that Michaels gonna be scared a clone [

__ ] escaped catch it before he multiplies it could be any [ __ ] sounds like a B et movie a clone [ __ ] that escaped a bt special that was it something they put the camera on me they know this is dangerous oh btw zone by white people what do you think that's owned by white folks like we used to be we shut down all the cameras thank you everytime I talk they shut the cameras not having no wars they kidding me Paul what do you think should win the Academy Award that's it

I don't care what white person wins [Laughter] my grandmother died when she was 87 I should be suckas she'd never went to school but she said some stuff that used to just kill me yeah a dog that will bring a bone or take one birds fly high but they got to come to the ground to get water that's some stuff that makes a lot of sense he said people always think the grass is greener on the other side remember what they putting on that grass to keep it green no she's a say some stuff and

the women in my family stay out late to stay out to night she would get on there she would honor dumb he said told dumb [ __ ] a zombie don't you know witless and the drivers don't go together oh very very funny stuff bushy bushy bushy bushy persistent three six sixes he is he's a devil yes he is the devil you see the way he talks he's just talking it's about nothing yes just a running that mouth and all of them getting that trouble sexually and and then we had a perfect record and then

messy-ass Jessy messy Jessie ruined black people's image telling us to stay out delicious no [ __ ] you stay out too Bush just seeing that old last baby now that was a ol baby the baby probably call the prescient old what's the rapper's to change his name puffing p-diddy he should have changed it you're lucky [ __ ] cuz that's exactly what he was when he lucky but he had Johnny Johnny gets you off no any time Johnny starts to rhyme they let somebody black free somewhere in the world Johnny's rhyming let him go well

Johnny can rhyme do you out of jail started with OJ member but the glove when he won fit if it don't fit okay they let OJ go there goes around and he did he rhymed him out to the gun what in the car it was about Nicole Simpson if didn't people could have come I Cleo Cleo could have told them the future if those people could have seen everybody got filthy rich off the coast death you do know that from Johnny to all of them in that if they would have seen what her death was

gonna bring you'd have had about twenty people back there stabbing that woman that's the truth look at them people that got everybody spin off that they still get them to getting filthy rich off that they didn't roll poor OJ crazy you know white folks can talk to animals and that's a whole different subject cuz they kill me with that what is the obsession with white people and wild animals black folks we come from where wild animals live and we don't give a damn about but white people are fascinated with wild animals especially monkeys the monkey

could be in a tree and a white person passed by five minutes later wipers know all the monkeys business the monkeys the monkeys name is Dave he's not going around there what they have an obsession they do our camp they can sit and look and look crazy at me and get mad I don't give a damn because this is true and they have an obsession every time I turn on TV I see somebody white trying to train something while riding the elephant sticking their head in the lines here trying to talk to a Googler with

sign language stay going although crazy [ __ ] but I'm sick of it white folks train your kids how about training your kids stay sit leave the gun at home train your damn kids sick a little crazy little white kids they scared me especially I got all Catholic uniforms I run from coz when I went to school we had recess we all came back now you go recess half people don't come back you know I'm the teacher you stick an apple while I can so now the teacher wanna sleep which teachers having the students babies

it's some wild stuff and then this white woman that killed all her kids I'm hip to that see that's that man that man set that woman up anytime you have them syndromes and all that stuff why would he give her five babies and then half homestead he got the kids up underneath there 24/7 he was sick of her and the kids now I got all the insurance he got everything that's why I can walk around say oh I love her cuz she ain't never coming home he got away with murder does it make sense enough

why would you keep your wife pregnant you know she got these mental problems and have the kids at home home study and you ain't there to my she called him up saying there's trouble with the kids he said all of them she said all of my Betty with let me tell you about the little black child here he got away father and just ran out the door no it's the end of the world everything is crazy television they stucked I can't stand TV I mean there's not that many happy black [ __ ] are too

happy on television for me so I can't watch none of that crap WB would be black you piayed you pick a [ __ ] and [ __ ] you want but I love me some Jerry Springer that's the all-american show well scan you see three white women fight over [ __ ] with one tooth and no job and speaks fluent Ebonics Reggie how come you got three women they like [ __ ] and I go black big dick there Jeff no mama liked it Jerry Springer is the bomb and then they got another thing why

who upsets with the dead I see dead people obsessed what did I see white people make them stop but um you know they're always talking to the dead an obsession about the dead that's why they tried to bring Elvis back they have obsession the dead white folks the dead don't come back that's all [ __ ] the dead ain't coming back if the dead could come back the slaves would be the first person to come back and whip your ass trust me trust me if Deb folkes was coming back slaves will come back and whoop

some white ass you be sitting on the bus getting your ass whooped and singing Oh southern song stuff cotton in my behind I don't trust me if the dead could come back believe me to my cross over some stupid show on - sci-fi channels this man's talking to dead people it's so funny and everybody so stupid please let's all hold hands and contact the living try that the dentist for the dead they even got a little [ __ ] running around - puck is alive I said are you crazy - pop is as dead as

a doornail they tried to bring Elvis his white ass back only white clothes get to come halfway back I mean ain't known again coming back never heard of I said they saw Sammy Davis at Ralph's shopping and he looked great I said hi Candyman and I knew Elvis wasn't coming back when Michael Jackson married his daughter if that didn't bring that white man back he ain't coming back he a coming back Elvis has left the building for good kids look I got rat was the mouse it was all CNN I got all of us said

no they did that I could Destin they said yeah you're right Tupac and Biggie day in heaven let's say that make more sense they both have faith but anyway look [Applause] and then was in the paper the other they assembled a white boy got a lost from his sister and his father up in the mountains you read this [ __ ] go on three or four days where they found him why are white folks always come up missing that's why they on the milk cartons and I won't get that milk carton stuff with the kids

on the milk carton find the parents they're at some bar drinking chopped to get their head kids put them on whiskey bottles find them give another shot Joe yeah that's me but they always are coming up missing that's why that you know when you pick up a paper you don't read about black people being missing in the woods and lost in the snow a plane crashed the boat they we don't know what they went helps fishing we don't know what happened you can't lose us but you can lose somebody white because they're so nosy if

they mind their own business they could find their way home a hundred white people go to the woods one I'm gonna come up missing cuz they gonna get real nosy and straggle off by they Phil look look the hold they coming up missing cuz it knows it how they got wandering a cave look at it the writing on the wall this is it's this Egyptian oh look at this writing something's gonna get them they're coming up missing well they gonna be mountain climbing mountain climbing there's somethin goin they coming up missing you've got white friends

and it snows go to your white friends house and time down cuz it snow and white folks don't mitt minute there's a snowstorm they get crazy snowstorm let's go for a walk get the baby something wrong with them always read nest up there coming up damn missing you never read it about black goo so white folks when you go to the woods take about 20 [ __ ] with you get home safe I'm serious take black post with you cuz you run off on them black people they'll run right behind you where you go it

do I look like Hansel and Gretel I came with you I'm going home with you give me them goddamn car keys you're not losing them [ __ ] you're not losing them specif you all some money they've speaking with you like glue God knows you've tried try to keep out your neighborhood that neighborhood stuff kills me why do you I don't want them in my neighborhood what balls cuz oh you'll spend such money ten million dollars live up on a hill this is move away from black folks and then the rain come in the mud

slap and they wake up on Crenshaw I didn't spend ten million dollars to live next door to Popeyes it's the truth of go live near the water we don't like salty air and driving while black is real to that stuff is real it's not a joke they ask us all kind of wild [ __ ] does the owner of the car know you have it what do you live in the area do you where you're going I'm driving tonight one of the gasps would you like to follow me I don't know I had to have

a South African past I don't know either a little black [ __ ] and drive around the circles around my house till I turn into Serb I don't get this and don't have a white person in your car please don't when they pull you over they go to the right to the wipers are you okay just checking and don't have your white friend drive you in real trouble then then they come to you I see your license but I'm not driving and they got a drunk test now you got to be in the circus and

double-jointed acid touch your leg touch your butt bend over flip I mean it's crazy they put a big bright light on you a little bit light what color is this light it's real crazy they ask you stupid stuff say your ABC's in Spanish and French I mean just crazy stuff then you get out the car hard walk a straight line I ran all the way home I just ran no give me a head start just started running and it was dark - I ran what is it what is this drunk driving five thousand ten come

on my car's worth $250 I can buy a new car I left keys coat all that [ __ ] they still sending it well I guess [ __ ] wasn't drunk it's crazy and then don't watch that 10 most-wanted don't watch that cuz you see people you know it's real scary people at the school with this dumb don't watch it to get you caught up in that crap I watched that some white woman that robbed three banks killed five people and I was down in Texas saw coming out of a store I grabbed about a

half door down I knew I had my reward I put my foot on her police came I spent six months in a Texas jail they said [ __ ] do you know you attacked one of our most leading actresses they should tell you them people are fake she was an actress that [ __ ] it's not real I thought it was a real lady so don't watch it cuz you get caught up in that [ __ ] ten most want it then you see they're out there's all them then white serial killers aren't they scary

oh my god every day they pop up doing crazy [ __ ] and they get away with it cuz they have all the answers crazy white man why'd you kill your wife I was sleepwalking he was sleepwalking that is a thought crazy white man why'd you burn up everybody in the house I don't remember he doesn't remember crazy white man why'd you kill the entire neighborhood I'm three different personalities that work they don't let black folks is that crazy black man why'd you kill everybody I'm three different personnel will pick who you want to be

[ __ ] somebody going to jail Steve Bob I'm sitting somebody's black ass to jail just who do you wanna be today see they don't let us give those answers crazy black man why did you kill your wife I was sleepwalking we don't put you to sleep there gonna be no more walking what you lost I don't remember 2000 years I bet you do remember it's a two they don't let us do what they do that's why they white man kills me he kills me he's the freest creature on this planet he even if he

loses he wins because I don't think I lived this long as I've been through the 50s and all that stuff and why have used to talk like they talk now they talk crazy reverse discrimination that is the most outrageous statement ever made on this [ __ ] planet and they get away with saying it it's so nervy they never said it in 52 the 67 cuz they were in the control total control so there's no such thing as a reverse and none of that stuff so it's like it's flip-flopped like we have freedom now but

we bet not exercise the [ __ ] that they did if we even dare try it then the laws don't get us I'll just a second this is a reverse I said isn't that ballsy that's some heavy stuff to say its reversal so that's proof that it was existed at one time well thank you for admitting it you know but they be tripping with that dump it and make up stuff the race card the race card that come from I'm trying to get my visa I got a race car you're using a race car but

you notice white folks never mention that card that they've used all their life the Massa car they don't bring that one up do it do they ever bring that one up in court or LaNasa the mat without the MasterCard will go on with the next question thank you so much so you don't want to bring that up massacre and they use that automatically they use a NASA car you know you're separating I mean I got all say so my white wants it Paul I love what you do but you make me feel so guilty must

everything be race yes everything well then you must think I'm the devil said no but you'll do to the real one gets him they talk crazy I talk crazy then I'm working some white woman got up I'm leaving I said and I just wanna know what does [ __ ] mean I say I have no idea but I know what [ __ ] lover means and that's you cuz why have you up my face why aren't you gone your man left what you all up my face you must love [ __ ] no I'm from

South Africa I said and you tell people I want you to come to South Africa as a sweetheart I won't go to Mexico and that's the real my friends were taking me there I won't go I have half my rights here I ain't going nowhere I ain't got no rights I ain't stupid I got half of me you think I'm going to Mexico where don't have none I don't think so I don't go I said I'm not coming to no South Africa I'm here in America 500 years ago this problems i got problems white folks

and you know you want me to come to South Africa and yo [ __ ] ended last week I don't think so I'm keeping my black ass right here in America where I could tell you to kiss my ass the darkest part bring a flashlight you'll need one well trick me over there have me working in the diamond mine I ain't stupid they're not in the California now [ __ ] and if he tells jokes whippin we don't do jokes over here don't be so stupid don't think so you'll have to already I'm gonna get

in trouble I always get in trouble why he life since I was five I've been getting in trouble with cuz I can't help was speaking up always speak up I've caused so much trouble in school I come into one class he was reading little black [ __ ] I said oh really people getting off on it and black and black jumbo I said I got something for you tomorrow I'm will read my my thing tomorrow so the next day I came with Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs because the class made them teacher let me

read it so no we have to have Paul read I'm crazy I said her hair was as black as cold her eyes was blue mrs. sky she was a hope I just drove away and the lead dorsal spinner but what's funny is and they think I'm white bashing glad you recognized it but what's funny is the average white person not all white people don't have a clue to what we go through it's not a clue we go through stuff like I've went through stuff in my life that I'll never forget you know and and it

was the racist stuff and I won't ever get over it is it oh you're bitter I'm not bitter about it it's just that if the shoe is on the other foot because white people with their temperament trust me white people could not have been slaves they could have not made it the way they made it they don't have the temperament for it you can tell that just read their history they do not have the temperament if white folks were the slaves and was reversed you'd have been some different [ __ ] in history those first

folder they got tired of picking that cotton color they got sunburns and all that stuff you know a bar and easy it through that hair back and got pissed cause you know they can get angry you buddy I'm gonna sing and make up your goddamn mind come on Helen come on Susan we're all here bastard hell it's a goddamn plantation I don't want any part of this [ __ ] white Bulls got a temperament that don't quit see what easy with stuff we get go along with [ __ ] it's so sad it is but

they don't Hey slavery would have happily ended in six months cuz we got tired of them goes into us out you know that honey how much can you beat a person [Laughter] there will be lawsuits and counter lawsuit white folks get crazy and you sold my kids you bastard my momma cooking for you and breastfeeding your goddamn gets y'all giving me money buddy you build it that's why I don't like Africans I cannot stand Africa no because we waited and they didn't come get us I'm pissed about that you know they should have come to

get us they wrote us off like a bad check and then they got attitude I got attitude I'm the one that's mad five hundred years later they show up driving a cab I got a car - need a ride I'm I'm going to the operation anyway I'm going in September I'm going to China the Chinese when I come back they have a major operation operation I'm coming back Chinese so just get ready it's ready for the new name the new me bling-bling eyes fix I'm do the reverse thing cuz we more brown eyes I want

some standards it's a trip it's also trip but movies are so trippy they just kill me with the films I just laugh all the time that's laughter why evil constantly they're too funny they gonna make a movie and call it the Mexican are they both and it's a gun they think they're cute make me a movie called it honky it's a gun got my hunky Nick get away with murder don't they get away with murder with a smile kidding white men can't jump they'll just name their movie whatever they want to well I first saw

that I said yeah I know they don't have to they own the team the [ __ ] do all the jumping jump jump were you right in that check it's still set and we've somewhere along the line that the slave mentality we've lost it I don't know especially in California I don't know why we don't love each other there is no love here these black people here are bought and sold every day and they all under illusion of inclusion they're all such cones and happy slave I deal with these [ __ ] every day on

these studios these [ __ ] get on my goddamn nerve it's not enough money in the [ __ ] world [ __ ] what's wrong with you I'm the only one got a eyesight you don't see and hear this stuff just anything to be on that filming to be honest this is [ __ ] back off [ __ ] film is very dangerous what you do on film cuz then people outside of America believe that [ __ ] when they see it they think it's a documentary they don't think it it's like that on HBO

the corner and how good the corner was it was too real for them you see it didn't win nothing it was too spittin basil's too good it was too much like a documentary they couldn't handle it it's nice but let's move on but they put that white [ __ ] on TV like this soprano this [ __ ] this on I don't lot of in my house about the Mafia the Mafia is are into child pornography they're into prostitution they're into murder they under laundering money and they still exists today these people are not to

be praised and looked at some heroes and have all this this meaning and his family all that's [ __ ] their trash is it I know it's quiet here you can the hush come over Jerusalem but hey I'm being real and everybody get mad if they want to but it's the [ __ ] truth I'm from the old school when the Untouchables was on they was finding them killing them and putting them in jail now watch that if you want to watch some bus some attack not this [ __ ] cuz that's exactly what that

is and the TV always says oh we watch them the kids know they're doing whatever the hell they want to do and it's gin that [ __ ] we watch the violence and that they put whatever they feel white and fill this in with bill just do what they want to do right in people's face and seduce everybody and everybody goes for it and because it's popular the majority does not rule a lynch mob is a majority but it don't make it right what they do to somebody and y'all get that in your head and

I'm serious get that in your brain get that in your brain and decide and choose and know when you see some [ __ ] and that's what that stuff is it gets on my nerve and that's sex in the city gets on my nerve they gonna film that in New York and not shuttle [ __ ] how you gonna have a show in New York and don't see [ __ ] let some streets of San Francisco and you didn't see Chinese folks they always doing some crazy [ __ ] you try doing a movie in

Malibu and not showing white folks and see how crazy they get cause that's where they live in Malibu they gave up Venice to Mexicans and [ __ ] but ain't givin up Malibu they'll drown everybody before they give that up you know it's the truth and I got to talk about what I came to talk about and that's the end where we gonna talk about [ __ ] and I'm the [ __ ] expert because even having me and all these shows ask me about it and it's been so funny cuz JLo Jennifer Lopez she

said [ __ ] that's the first answer what do you think well JLo Sydney I said well hey she's Puerto Rican the Puerto Ricans and Cubans ain't nothin but [ __ ] that can swim so let's get over it it's the truth it took slaves everywhere especially in black Cubans they know the ones that wear white all year round the ones they don't mess with the ones that talk to the dead the ones that light the candles the ones that will make a chicken kiss a snake you know those people yeah so they know what's

up they black and she was going with puffy wasn't you that mean she got black in her in more ways than one well they know big is just a word I mean I know the word doesn't bother me I've never been I've cut the cord it [ __ ] I mean doesn't bother me listen it just doesn't I mean I Know Who I am so it doesn't have anything to do with me what I hear it but more importantly I know who white people are that's more important so it doesn't bother me they said when

a white person says [ __ ] Paul it really doesn't bother you I said no I like a little salt on my cracker why people are so chained to it I understand a lot of black people are in jail and they call that a lot so they hate to hear it and it's not really the word it's what comes behind the word the murder and all the craziness and the slavery and all that understand all that but that was then and this is now and it's like removing the teeth from the great white shark that's

not a look at it it's taking the teeth out and now it's just a big fat funky fish hopping around in the water and I don't think people like it so they go into a bag about it and black people really get on my nerves when it's bothers them because it if it doesn't apply let it fly and when they get so hooked into it I said they once you emotionally hooked into this word and the word we should be emotional about its freedom not just said that I don't hear nobody respond now see when

I said that word freedom all you need is you yeah but do you say that no because you just like those wild animals that are fighting like mad while they're catching them and stuff they just fighting and then they get over there and lock them up in that cage and that's ooh and then they long hopeless they lose all that wow craziness ahead but don't you think for a second that those animals don't know who put them there they know white folks put them there take your white friends over to the zoo you can see

the way they look at them what hate you know hate when you see it they're staring hoping they'll come near the cage and you think I'm kidding then take about 15 to 20 of your black friends over there watch the animals when they see that many black people they get crazy think they're going home throwing up gang signs so the word [ __ ] I mean hey I say it a hundred times every morning it makes my teeth white make a [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ]

[ __ ] [ __ ] and we've used it in so many ways I mean we use it lovingly we've used it with hate who usually want to put somebody down we use it when we want to get mad at somebody but when I was a kid coming up and it really meant something and it really hurt people black people considering about [ __ ] they kept quiet he was scared and now the word don't mean a goddamn thing everybody got something to say about that's what tickles me they all run up to the n-word

I don't even like the n-word I always go what what are you trying to say [ __ ] was that soften it the n-word and you can stop it with them saying it but you can't stop the motion behind it it's gonna be here as long as white folks on this planet [ __ ] will be here too the racial stuff will be here too because more than any other race look at all the other races us and white people with family because of slavery Thank You Jefferson but because of slavery no that's true because

you know that little black girl to Jefferson had all the babies by you do know that she was half sister to his wife so that meant his father-in-law was doing exactly what he was doing how could his wife be half sister to this girl so there wasn't no isolated incident they try to make you think that I said why do you try to make you think oh this was isolated no they were all doing it that's why our blood is very very close to this it's family that's what we always would have problems just like

over there in Israel we don't always have problems with that and the problem is we got away and that wasn't in the book [ __ ] getting away what in the book and we'll never be forgiven for that you go back in history and look and look at all the old things like his old movies everything they were happier people when we were slaves they were because we were in their homes we live with them now that we're free I don't want you in my neighborhood that only makes sense that doesn't oh I'm free I

can come on the block now but when you owe me I was in your bed now do you admit now there's something wrong with that picture come on y'all I don't you know you heard a lot I don't want them in the neighborhood in my neighborhood but when you own as we were in your house see the difference that's that goddamn ownership let's slave to come back in tomorrow wherever them white folks live whatever neighborhood yeah I'll be out on the porch welcome home miss you go to your room nothing's changed when we when they

owned us when they owned us we had 12 jobs of peace now that we got away free What did he say to us unemployment sorry there no jobs at slave you come back and believe me come get your rest you got those twelve jobs to go to in the morning well I was writing for living color's the rights if that I'd go there they didn't think they would do it but it was funny so we can't do that we could do I wrote something about Cinderella and I made up I made time a mother a

mother but the mother was black and had two black daughters but Cinderella was white and they wore scrub and you're not going to the ball we had a list of things did you do this to do that yeah make the suit yet would you pick the cotton we don't have any then we'll have to throw some that [ __ ] was funny and I go to write a go oh no we can't do it we can't do it if it I did what the The Wizard of Oz I wrote that and move the fairy godmother

little blonde lady with her thing I made her grade they go fat Aunt Jemima black if she told a little uh little Julie garland plot you can go home just click your heels and see click the three times it blew up I got a look at the camera go I lose more little white girls like that that [ __ ] is funny funny and [ __ ] I'll give a damn what you say let me tell you some street jokes as I'm known the person got a nerve to tell street jokes two old ladies sitting

on the porch watching the kids dance one it's a Suzy do you remember the minuet she said no I don't even the men are screwed but listen oh come on it's funny you give it up you know damn well it's funny and you can't wait to repeat it and you ain't giving me no goddamn credit wait you get a couple drinks on you oh I got one white man walking on the beach finds a genies lamp took it home and shined it up three white genies came on they said don't talk we've been in a

hundred thousand years but only had no conversation just think whatever you want you got three wishes you'll get it they don't mansion go some bedroom the bedroom naked bunny standing there naked knock on the door is three Ku Klux Klan and hoods they take him and hanging next day the three white genies at Starbucks drinking coffee talking genie goes you know that first wish a big mansion everybody wants that I could relate to that said I know it's in the second wish the naked bunnies I could relate to but that third wish I'm confused with

that that the Starrett wishes yeah he said he wanted to be hung like a [ __ ] anyway listen oh come on it's funny it's funny it's funny all right a black man is homeless so he goes to the farm area to talk to farming his wife said look I need some work I'm just starving and stuff you have to help me they said we got a lot of stuff wrong you could dig the well okay he said oh I don't do manual labor he said why what do you do sound like Eddie Murphy I

talk to the animals and the wife say we'll just try them out for one night so next morning forms told her husband promised wife's ago he talked enough he's on the chickens they said you got some hay this rubbing on the ass it's not natural hey but the natural hey down there and they're late ten times as much eggs it happened farmer's wife got all that money could give him some clothes give him some money keeping we got us a goal man next morning good island fella who I talked to said talk to the the

horses they said you got the iron here go back to the rope and they'll just plow three times as much horses did it she's up next morning gone to talk to the cows ourselves he got 10 on their nipples go back to your hand natural and you'll get five times as much milk they did it great she said oh this is great got all this money says great go down there and talk to a ban on who talked to follow her dollar said don't you talk to admit well I've been talking to the sheep man

she don't talk to them they're big liars oh come on it's funny it's funny and you can't wait to tell it but listen he's gonna hear the sheep yeah Adam was white man mm-hmm that's how they can prove it mister Jimmy tried to take a rib but listen [Applause] [Laughter] crazy stuff well they say at the beginning everybody everybody was black the world everybody was black and said we should come down to the water and cleanse yourself and all the aggressive people ran down the water came out white jump into water and all the lazy

[ __ ] went down there put the hands of Pete in the water just hold on he's overstepped his boundaries I counted [ __ ] he said it 40 times he wove his boundary we was just to get about 10 or 15 [ __ ] he did 20 I want something done about that it's too [ __ ] funny nothing can be wide enough but it can be too black in it that's what kills me can't it be too black this is too black but nothing gonna be too white that's why I go to all

the white things I told us ice skating ring stand up this is too white the hell with all of you I go to hockey games the holiday let's do light or maybe I'll go skiing accidental oh you know as a black girl that I gotta tell my folks is it because you know we've been whipping their ass and tennis there's a black girl always what white folks ask they don't know we could play tennis like that they still stand it over anything but there's a black girl that can skate get ready y'all she can ski

her ass off and she's from the islands she's been practicing on dirt just wakes you get some snow you know white folks are mad at us because we've been beating them at their own game we've been beating them at their sports you know they met we whip their ass in tennis and only mention golf don't even mention go I'm surprised white folks ain't made golf against the law let's against the low close of a golf club in the country what these [ __ ] eating their greens not playing on ours cuz they didn't roll Tiger

would crazy but what is he now cobbler what Kaaba collision whipped up a [ __ ] please what does that mean comical asian please I don't know about the space program but I know a [ __ ] when I see one Tiger would is black Tiger Woods lips are bigger than the bar Burton's I saw his daddy [ __ ] I saw his mammy nigger-lover that's a [ __ ] in my goddamn book first he was he knew what he was I like Tony the tagger better now do tagger would at least Tony knows he's

white he's proud right you know here Tony talking stupid I'm 1/4 zebra I'm 1/3 giraffe but anyway we're glad did you guys came and I want to thank you very much thanks thanks a lot you've been nice to me thank you [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music]