How Narcissist Tests You 3 Times: Will YOU Pass?

no Agony more Exquisite and more harrowing than the pseudo relationship with the narcissist narcissistic abuse it is a paratory it is Hell itself with Everlasting fires and so you need to make sense of the senseless you you need to imbue with meaning the random events that led to your crucifixion and immolation in the fires of the narcissist and so you tell yourself that you have been chosen chosen because you're empathic because you're kind because you're compassionate because you wanted to give you're a giver because you are drop dead gorgeous hyper intelligent and so on so

forth keep trying to inject some am modicum of sense into what has happened you were chosen that makes sense you were chosen by someone who is essentially quintessentially evil but of course this is nonsense it is self-aggrandizing nonsense it renders you angelic but it is also counterfactual nonsense that is not what happens in reality the narcissist is indiscriminate the narcissist is promiscuous when it comes to mate selection he would choose as a mate anyone anyone who is able to provide the narcissist with a four s's the four s's are sex Supply narcissistic or sadistic safety

and services two of the 4S would suffice for you to qualify as the narcissist long-suffering intimate partner best friend coworker anyone anyone who gravitates towards the Ambit of the black hole that is known as The Narcissist so it's not that you are something special your trades even your looks are meaningless to The Narcissist what matters to the narcissist is your availability to play the game to participate with him in his shared fantasy and to become an extension of himself and a servant subservient submissive always there this is what we're going to discuss today because the

question arises there is no type there is no type that the narcissist is attracted to the narcissist is not attracted to you because he doesn't see you the narcisist couldn't care less about empathy and kindness he wouldn't recognize empathy and kindness if they were to fall on his head from a very from very high so that that's this is not what matters to The Narcissist what matters to the narcissist is your willingness enthusiastic willingness to provide the four 's and yet this raises the question how did how does the narcissist recognize willing providers ample providers

appropriate providers qualified providers how do how does n separate would be good providers from those who are unable to provide the narcissist to cater to The Narcissist needs how does narcissist discern usually on a first encounter within the first few minutes how does the narcissist discern that you could be a great victim material the prey that he is a predator is looking for how does an narcissis see you on a first date on a first meeting for the first time my name is Sak I'm the author of malignant self- love narcissism Revisited the first book

ever ever on narcissistic abuse I'm a professor of Clinical Psychology in seaps Cambridge United Kingdom and I am currently a newly appointed visiting professor of psychology and economics in southeast um Europe European University okay credentials aside let's move on the narcissist comes across you you come across a narcissist you see each other across a room you you date each other you talk to each other uh you find yourself engaged in the same project in the workplace you become best friends with the narcissist or so you think how does the narcissist recognize you as the right

the right partner in his and participant in his shirt fantasy The Narcissist puts you through three tests and the tests are are you capable of being idealized by The Narcissist test number two are you able to provide at least two out of the four S's and test number three are are you vulnerable not vulnerable to The Narcissist but are you vulnerable to the shared fantasy and let me elaborate a bit on each of these um on each of these tests test number one are you capable of being idealized do you have the minimal traits minimal

assets the minimal behaviors the minimal looks emphasis on minimal which would allow the narcissist to latch onto them leverage them exaggerate them inflate them and use them to idealize The Narcissist can idealize and would idealize anything if you're in a wheelchair he would idealize your willow if you are drop dead gorgeous he would idealize your looks if you're minimally attractive and not so drop more drop dead than gorgeous he would idealize that narcissist would idealize anything if you uh graduated high school but never went on to college you would idealize your entrepreneurial Spirit or free

spirit or rebellious Spirit if you did go on to College he would idealize your intelligence The Narcissist just needs an excuse to idealize you he needs to get to know you better he creates an inventory in his mind of all your personal history events circumstances people you know traits your traits various assets you possess physiological mental and material your behaviors your interactions and interpersonal relationships with other people once he has amassed once he has agglomerated and accumulated this database about you once he has put together the file the dossier about you he can then idealize

each and every one of these elements and create an image of you a representation of you in his mind an avatar a snapshot an inject that has nothing to do with you he then grants you access to this idealize idealized image of yourself in order for you to fall in love with yourself through him through his gaze and become addicted to the process so it is very rare that the narcissist finds nothing to idealize as I just mentioned even if you are an underachiever even if you are fugly excuse the excuse the expression excuse my

French even if you are dumb as a KN even whatever you are the narcissist would take it run with it and produce an idealized version of it it would create a narrative where your particular deficiencies and lacks and flaws are actually glamorized and glorified and render you a perfect entity a perfect being the only time a narcissist fails to find anything to idealize is if if you hold back if you avoid if you withdraw if you reject the narcissist if you're critical of the narcissist if you disagree with the narcissist repeatedly if you humiliate the

narcissist and shame The Narcissist especially in public at that point The Narcissist would be unable to idealize you okay that's test number one having passed this test narc says to himself there are quite a few things in this potential intimate partner in this best friend in this coworker in this boss in this leader of a political party the pastor in the church and neighbor there are quite a few things I can idealize and therefore I can Embark and move on to the next stage and the next stage is the question is she or he able

to provide two of the four S's and to remind you the four s's are Sixx Services Supply sadistic or narcissistic and safety your presence let's break each one of these down six The Narcissist asks himself which two of the four s's this individual who can be idealized which two of the four s's is he or she able to provide with relative safety regularly and predictably start with sex do you find the narcissist attractive are you enthusiastic about having sex with the narcissist um would sex with you be both consensual and submissive are you prone to

sexual fantasies are you unbounded and kinky sexually self trashing and promiscuous are you likely to cater to The Narcissist own sexual fantasies go on an exploration of the autoerotic nature of the narcissist sex or psychosexuality if the answer to all these is yes a resounding yes then you're definitely able to provide the first s of the four six next services are you able to provide the narcissist with the services that he needs and lacks for example um a narcissist who does not have a driving license would look for someone who can serve as a shaare

as a driver a narcissist who is unable to fix things at home would look for someone uh who is an able handyman or handy woman an narcissist who is unable to interact well with other people would look for someone who is sociable and can serve as an interface a go between and Inter and provide intercession and intermediation with other people a narcissist who is not very good in math would look for someone who is very good in mouth narcissist who is uh profligate and not spend Thrift and very bad with money would look for someone

who is the compliment now this is common this is common in normal healthy regular couples as well but the narcissist is not thinking in terms of synergy he's thinking his thinking does not dwell on let's work together let's collaborate and become I don't know a power couple the naris is thinking is how much can I take how can I exploit her or him it's an exploitative mindset can I make her drive me forever can I take her money forever can I make him um cater to my needs on a regular basis so it's a highly

exploitative mindset The Narcissist does not regard the other person person as an integral part of a diet or a couple he regards the other person the way a minor regards a mine as an opportunity for extraction Services number three Supply number three of the four Essence Supply Supply could be narcissistic or could be sadistic narcissistic Supply is adoration admiration adulation being someone's fan and follower and so on so forth aggrandizing the other person so this is narcissistic Supply sadistic Supply is when the narcissist is able to inflict pain and suffering on people thereby proving to

himself that he or she is omnipotent all powerful and Godlike inflicting pain on other people gives the narcissist enormous pleasure but not in the classical sense classic sadistic sense but enormous the enormous pleasure of validating and affirming the narcissist self-perception and self-image is Godlike he can inflict suffering on other people he can cause them pain he can witness them rising in agony because he is divine he is a deity so this is narcissistic Supply and sadistic Supply The Narcissist puts you uh through another minute is are you able to be an adoring fan are you

able to be uncritical of the narcissist never disagree with him never find fault with him be submissive masochistic and even self-loathing if you can if you are like that then you can provide Supply and you will will have become a reliable predictable uh source of Supply next safety do you have an addictive personality are you likely to get addicted to The Narcissist or to the narcissist shared fantasy or to the way the narcissist sees you addicted to yourself to your idealized self through the narcissist gaze addiction addiction is the glue that hold the holds the

shirt fantasy together so one of a question narcissis asks is this person potentially addicted could potentially become an addict so of course codependence are a good choice borderlines are a better choice but not necessarily many healthy people actually do have an addictive personality next question does he or she have a maternal Instinct can I leverage this maternal instinct to induce bonding and attachment especially trauma bonding is this person loyal and inertial in other words unable to stop doing whatever it is she's doing unable to exit a relationship because she is committed to the same course

of action inertial simply means that you move in the same path unable to stop yourself or reverse has to do with addiction addiction of course so this is the second test is he or she as an intimate partner as a friend as a colleague as a boss as a past whatever is he or she able to provide two two of the four 's sex Services Supply and safety if the answer is yes you can be idealized that's test number one and you can provide two out of the four s's we move on to the the

third stage the third stage is the narcissist scans you the narcissist and Psychopaths possess called empathy called empathy is a Confluence a combination of reflexive empathy and cognitive empathy but without the emotional component emotional empathy is absent missing so the narcissist uses cold empathy to penetrate you to scan you to map your vulnerabilities your the chinks in your armor to Traverse your defenses and invade your mind to entrain you Etc so the narcissist scans you this is the third test and the narcissist question is is she vulnerable is he vulnerable to the shirt fantasy is

there a vulnerability to the Shar fantasy for example is this person damaged and broken is she a Daydreamer does he abhor reality is this person romantic even as a friend grandio does this person have a deficit of self-love Etc if the answer is yes to any of these let alone to a combination of these this is the kind of person who would be vulnerable to the charms of the shared fantasy to the to the alternate reality offered by the shared fantasy this paracosm of perfection ideal ideal Hedonism and the self-gratification that emanates from this paradise

like or heaven-like setting let me summarize it for you you have not been chosen there is no specific type the narcissist is attracted to the narcissist asks himself three questions and he makes you he subjects you to three tests if you pass these three tests you qualify to be the narcissist intimate partner best friend colleague neighbor or whatever these are the are you capable of being idealized are are you are you there aren't you rejecting The Narcissist aren't you disagreeing with the narcist aren't you critical of the narcis if you're not any of these and

you're there you're available question of availability you qualify test number two are you able to provide two of the four critical essential esses sex Services Supply andx safety if yes the third test is are you vulnerable to the shared fantasy and if the answer to these three is a resounding yes you're in and the narcissist pounces on you and you become the narcissist prey that's as simple as that it's an algorithm it's a mechanical automated robotic algorithm The Narcissist couldn't care less about your traits your qualities your kindness your empathy even your looks or intelligence

or what have you on the very contrary by the way the narcissist abhor and resents competition so he wouldn't choose someone who hyper intelligent and super good-look when he when he is not he couldn't identify empathy even when confronted with it and he regards empathy and love as weaknesses intrus intrusions annoyances actually if regards any help and advice his narcissistic injury because you're challenging his grandiosity in short narcissists don't choose their victims because their vict their victims are such wonderful Angelic blameless Flawless people that is a self-aggrandizing myth a narcissistic myth actually Nar narcissist chooses

you not because of who you are but because of what he can take from you safely in the long term predictably and regularly The Narcissist depletes you think of yourself as a mine and the narcissist as a minor or an excavator that is the Shir fantasy ah sorry one more thing I forgot I received an avalan of messages from many of you that it is not true that there is no spectrum of narcissism or other personality disorders there are definitely uh V varieties of narcissism that there are mild cases there moderate cases and there are

severe cases there's a spectrum and it could be less narcissistic highr narcissist this narcissist that let me clarify something this is not what we think in academ this is not the Orthodoxy that's not the mainstream that's not what our studies in the past 40 years have shown however it is true that the 11th edition of the ICD the international classification of diseases this addition does distinguish between mild moderate and severe levels of clinically diagnosable personality disorders personality disorder there's only one diagnosis there but this this distinction between mild moderate and severe levels or intensities of

personality disorder in the clinical phase this is a highly contentious claim actually the majority of Scholars myself included reject this claim in the icd1 we think it's a mistake it is utterly unsubstantiated clinically no study supports it it's we have no idea none of us have any idea where it came from maybe from YouTube and if you go to the description there's a link to a recent article I think two years old where the authors recap this debate and they also make clear that there is no foundation for the claim that there is a spectrum

or Continuum of intensities of Personality dis disorders or the single personality disorder in the ICD there's no such thing we do of course have narcissistic we do have styles we for example narcissistic Style versus narcissistic disorder or narcissistic personality disorder yes there are people who are narcissistic but they are not narcissists they cannot be diagnosed with NPD it's true that there is a spectrum or Continuum of traits and behavior all this is true but once the diagnosis has been rendered once you've been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder it's binary it's binary like pregnancy either you

have it or you don't and there are no gradations and no levels and no intensities and no grades when in narcissistic personality disorder all the rest you can find in the video that I've made a few days ago okay time to let go me I know you're addicted but you know give me a break see you later