The Desire to Not Exist

sleep is good death is better yet surely never to have been born is best these lines close a 17th century poem by German writer Hinrich Hine the piece is titled death and his brother's sleep Compares these two states suggesting that we experience a bit of death each time we fall asleep while sleeping we Glimpse the void and briefly know what it would feel like to no longer exist some might find it unsettling to conceive of sleep as a practice for death but when your head hits the pillow every night where do you go exactly this

proximity to our final resting state might be alarming for some While others might find solace in this brief Escape think of a time when you've been horrendously embarrassed or undergone immense stress or grief when your head hits the pillow you are free from whatever is bothering you even if just for a few hours you get that sense that when you close your eyes you collapse inward shrinking so far into yourself that you vanish entirely death of course is final and so it's impossible to know what it would feel like yet you can be sure that

your problems and your worries won't follow you into the Afterlife if there is any under the Sweet release of death you would be free the thing with death though is that a footprint of your life would still be left behind loved ones would mourn your loss embarrassing moments that people would still remember but there's a third option that's not temporal like sleep and doesn't leave hurt behind like death if you're watching the video right now chances are you flirted with this third option you've had the desire to not exist what exactly is this feeling how

does it differ from death and what can it teach us about life the desire to not exist is stronger than death to not exist is to have every trace of yourself and every Mark you've left on the world erased no one would have ever known you all your achievements and accomplishments vanish along with their failures to die would be to still leave behind some memory of who you were to not exist swipes away everything you are and ever were while the the implication is intense the desire is often fleeting sometimes knee-jerk it overcomes you in

an instant maybe at a time when life isn't going your way perhaps you're going through a breakup where you lost a loved one or it could be that you've just had one of those days where life piles everything on top of you and you feel like you're being crushed you see a list of problems before you and the fantasy of slowly drifting away is more appealing than facing your issues head on though it's not often discussed I would bet that most people have wished to not exist at some point could this desire serve a purpose

in our lives and why at times can it feel so overwhelming the word desire itself describes an intense wish for something one doesn't have it transcends a mere want and is affiliated with something usually unobtainable think about the desire for fame or Fortune to be well-liked or beautiful desires often surpass our daily wants and needs like food or water to desire something is in some ways to be seduced by it you see it right before you yet it's just out of your grasp the desire to not exist is frustrating because unlike fame or fortune that

still exists within some realm of possibility it's impossible to have never lived the person watching this video exists you have existed nothing not even death can change that so the desire to not exist can never be fulfilled it doesn't spring from any coherent logical belief this desire is often not discussed because of its proximity to suicide and suicidal ideation but it's very different it lacks the concrete outcomes and implications of suicidal ideation the desire to not exist can never come true while death by Suicide is unfortunately obtainable although it can never happen this feeling can

still be overwhelming if you think about it too deeply and too often it can quickly lead to a terrible mental health State If you experience this desire in a way that's becoming overwhelming you should seek professional help right now therapy is is one of the best treatments we have for anyone who's struggling with their mental health there's around 970 million people around the world who suffer from mental health illnesses but unfortunately therapy can be inaccessible and expensive for many of these people so we reached out to better help the sponsor of today's video to help

out better help's mission is to make therapy more affordable and accessible for everyone to get started all you have to do is answer a few questions and you'll get matched to a professional therapist in as little as a few days if you don't like the therapist you can easily switch to a new one completely for free without having to worry about insurance who's in your network or anything else like that I've been going to therapy and I can tell you now that it literally changed my life and with better help getting started is now easier

than ever simply click the link in the description or go to betterhelp.com aperture to get 10% off your first month so you can connect with the right therapist for you thank you again betterhelp for supporting today's episode and back to our story for most people though this feeling of of never having been offers a way to cope with the heavy burden of life it provides temporary relief from whatever you're going through and helps to decenter you from your experience by imagining a world without you you understand how insignificant many of life's problems are if the

odds shifted by even a minute fraction you wouldn't be here today and none of this would matter so why should it bother you so much if you find Comfort when you imagine your non-existence I would encourage you to look further into nihilism a nihilistic worldview detaches meaning from all Realms of reality it's the philosophy of meaninglessness after all when you turn that Inward and apply it to selfhood technically from a nihilist point of view you already don't exist throughout your time here on Earth there is no such thing as the coherent self nihilism might sound

scary initially but it doesn't have to be we made a video about optimistic nihilism that I think would be really good to explore on the other end of the spectrum though there's a different philosophical school of thought that centers very heavily on the existence of the self Renee dickart and other philosophers Center their thinking around the existence of the self because you know you're thinking you can perceive that you're conscious of your mind proving its existence all other aspects of reality can be thrown into doubt how can you know that an apple is really red

or that the people in front of you are really here couldn't a malicious force be deceiving your every perception Your Existence seems to be the only thing you can be sure of and while most people don't live in as much constant doubt as decart's philosophy suggests most of us do experience the self as tangible and coherent I think therefore I am seems ingrained in our daily lives and most of us except for the hardcore nihilists out there go about our days with the knowledge that we are but it can be pretty difficult to experience your

existence in every waking moment of every day with no break to make matters worse sleep can sometimes be elusive especially when you have that much on your mind if you manage to sleep sometimes you have nightmares that force you to continue to exist even in what should be moments of rest living can feel so intense because there is no Escape being alive can sometimes feel exhausting even when you aren't busy or overwhelmed but especially when you're over stimulated the desire to not exist can creep in think about being at a party or a family reunion

where you make many vague social connections with people you barely know you must constantly be on performing Your Existence to those nearby especially for an introvert socializing like this can be training and it can make you want to fade into the background or Oblivion social media intensifies the need for you to be perceived constantly online you always exist even when you log off your social media profiles are available to anyone who wishes to find them meaning you are perceived without your awareness and what you post affects these perceptions meaning you must always be your best

self online even when showing a more vulnerable side it's still a part of yourself you choose to share not only do you have the burden of existence online but it has to be your best existence and you must maintain it over time what I've described so far is a baseline existence it's what's required of you daily as you interact with people in your family at school and at work it's also the existence that you inhabit between you and yourself the perception of yourself that theart talks about or your inner monologue and at times it's not

other people we're sick of you can also want to escape yourself the want to leave yourself is inherent in the desire to not exist the mind sometimes feels like a prison of your own making which makes it even more unbearable you can sometimes get that itchy feeling like you want to jump out of your skin thoughts in your head can make you feel annoyed or angry with yourself unfortunately while we can find respect from other people we cannot Escape our minds the desire to no longer exist can be pointed inward something we fantasize about when

we no longer want to be ourselves all these aspects are compounded when life gets busy or unpleasant dealing with grief a breakup or losing your job alongside the stress of familial obligations and basic self-maintenance might make you want to wither away this is why this desire is more common than we realize or discuss we must remove the shame associated with admitting that sometimes existing can be tiring we need to create safe spaces for people to share that feeling without labeling it as suicidal ideation when it's not it's not that you don't want to be here

anymore you wish you never were it's a desire for Stillness privacy and quietness even from our own thoughts well this desire can't ever fully be fulfilled the feelings associated with it can be recreated albeit temporarily by purposefully embracing boredom and engaging in mindfulness practices we can quiet the mind and get that Stillness we desperately crave close your eyes and imagine yourself drifting out of your body and away from yourself imagine you are actively detaching your body and then your mind you're essentially practicing what it feels like to not exist many people use and abuse substances

as a shortcut to achieve the feeling of non-existence the temporary escape from the self this method is unsustainable and will probably make you feel worse about yourself in the long run we underestimate how caught up we are in ourselves and how much our existence weighs heavy on our minds it can feel excruciating to be alone with yourself when all you want to do is escape yourself but trying to do the opposite of existence in a healthy sober way might satisfy your want to disappear and when you do return to yourself instead of feeling the crash

after a dopamine hit you'll feel calmer ready to face all that comes with existence watch this video next to understand the power of meditation and how you can use it to temporarily fulfill the desire to not exist