Brutal Truths Every Woman Needs to Hear

this is brutally honest advice for women in their 20s at the age of 19 I was arrested six times I was 100 pounds overweight I started my first business when I was 22 and I crossed a $100 million net worth at the age of 28 and this is my road map of the lessons I learned along the way the most successful people that I know take their time on Earth seriously how did I get ahead and how did I get to $100 million net worth how did I lose 100 pound how did I find the

partner of my dreams how did I do all these things is I didn't [ __ ] off in my 20s when I was younger I made the decision to use my 20s as my formative years to create the life of my dreams so many young women ask me what do I do with my life and the first thing I tell them is that you need to take control of your life and the direction that it goes and not wait for a man to do it for you because girls who do not take care of themselves

turn into dependent and helpless women and you don't want to be that person and I'm guessing if you watch my channel you definitely don't want to be that person what you want to do is you want to use this time to master yourself invest in yourself treat yourself like you are an asset when you are young it will pay dividends as you grow up be the woman that you wish you had all along the first principle that allowed me to make all this progress in my 20s was understanding one fundamental thing [ __ ] your

mood follow the plan don't trust your gut follow the evidence my whole life I grew up having people tell me how do you feel you should pay attention to your feelings how's your gut what's Your Gut telling you and here's the thing is that a lot of the times my gut's telling me to do the [ __ ] opposite of the thing that's going to advance me in life and I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this my gut tells me to do what's comfortable and so what that means is the cost of

the dreams you have for yourself tomorrow is discomfort today and so that is why my mantra for myself is [ __ ] your mood follow the plan what you need to understand is our brains are wired to survive not to succeed and same with our emotions and all the thoughts that our brains generate and so a lot of times when I was younger I didn't understand this and so I thought that if I had a thought it was a fact I thought that if I had a feeling it actually meant something but what I realized

and what allowed me to really Propel myself to the next level at a young age was that sometimes the best thing to do was the opposite of what I felt because sometimes my brain is trying to keep me safe from the one thing that's going to help me succeed here's the thing emotions come and go just like Seasons so if we base permanent decisions on temporary emotions Our Lives end up nowhere here's the thing there's nothing wrong with feeling sad angry upset frustrated disappointed scared anxious stressed what's bad is if you allow those feelings to

dictate your choices to dictate your actions and to dictate what you do with your life there's no reason to fear an emotion if it doesn't have an effect on your behavior I first learned this when I decided to move to California so I was 21 and I was coming up the end of college college and hadn't really learned a lot in college and I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life I remember listening to tapes of Tony Robbins and he talked about how he had a house on the cliff

Corona Delmar and living there he was able to be around all these people that expanded the vision he had of his life and I remember thinking to myself I want to live there like that's where I want to be like that's where opportunity is because the town I was in was small and people were more small-minded and they weren't going big places and I remember talking to my dad and I said that's so cool it would be so cool to go there or something like that and he said something to the extent of oh Lea

like you know there's plenty of opportunity here X Y and Z and then at the end of what he was saying after he went on this little rant he said but you know what you should probably just do the opposite of what I'm saying because I pretty much stuck with what's comfortable and then I'm not really stoked about where I'm at and I don't think that he could have known that in that moment it changed my life forever because the first thing that I thought to myself was [ __ ] it I'm moving to California

what he was telling me in that moment is he was telling me to make decisions that were best longterm not just shortterm and staying where I was was very comforting in the short term and it was terrifying the thought of moving at such a young age by myself to a place where I didn't know anybody I didn't have much money I didn't have much I didn't have that many resources at the point in time but the person I want to be is the person who's able to do that and that was really the first time

I experienced for myself doing what's uncomfortable as hell but following following the plan literally resulted in changing my entire life because when I went to California I got a job that I wouldn't have got in Michigan and then when I got that job I met people that I would never have met in my hometown and then when I met those people it opened up my eyes to what was possible in the world of Entrepreneurship and then that is what allowed me to create a bigger vision for myself and then find a partner who had a

greater vision for himself and then build the Empire that we have today and it all started with doing something that was really [ __ ] terrifying and the thing is is that if I had followed what my mood said in the sleepless nights before moving in the the like waking up at 4:00 a.m. thinking about like you've got $2,000 how are you moving to California in pulling up to my apartment and seeing there was barbed wire fencing around it and realizing I'd gotten an apartment in the ghetto like there were so many points of the

journey where I could have said go home this is terrifying but I kept asking myself is that part of the plan it's not part of the plan the plan is that I move here I get more skills I I get a better Network and I recognize a bigger vision for myself and I expose myself to Opportunities I wouldn't have had before and so my mood was trying to deter me from the plan whereas I knew what I need to do to achieve my goals this is a mistake that I see women make over and over

and over again I think it's because we get socialized in society to listen to our guts and intuitions do you know the difference between your gut and intuition because a lot of women say to me they're like well I won't follow my gut like you're saying because yes sometimes it just keeps me stuck but I will follow my intuition into in which case I say how do we know the difference between those two things we can't measure them we can't see them it's only a feeling that occurs in our body and so my argument for

women is to stop letting Society help us make bad decisions for our lives because the amount of women that end up with some deadbeat [ __ ] because oh you know I feel good when I'm around him who end up with shitty friends who talk [ __ ] about them who end up in a job that goes nowhere and or who end up just marrying a rich man because they were told that's what they should do all of these decisions are made because somebody decided to stay comfortable is that if you want to break out

of that you want to be the one to alter your family tree then you need to go against what is comfortable and that's why I say [ __ ] your mood follow the plan that was the best skill I could have learned at that young age is that often when I'm scared it's not that I need to run away from the thing I'm scared of it's actually I need to lean into it and so oft times it's not about how we feel it makes us want to run away when in fact we need to keep

leaning in there were so many times in my 20s when I was trying to lose weight for example when I was running my company starting my company for the first time was on my period and felt terrible when I was in a fight with somebody and I was in a bad mood when I got terrible news and I had to get on a meeting and all of those times were times when I could have run the other way and I could have done what was comfortable and instead I just kept reminding myself who do you

want to be and if this is not part of that plan then you stick with the plan you don't let your emotions deter you from it and I think that a lot of women need to hear this message because we can have all of our emotions your emotions are valid but you can also have those emotions and not let them dictate the course of your life when you feel poorly and then you act upon feeling poorly you make yourself feel worse you know when they say it rains its pores that's because one thing happens and

then someone allows it to affect their emotions but then they allow their emotions to dictate the next thing they do and then you know what happens your boyfriend broke up with you which could have been an isolated incident but then instead what happened is then you brought that emotion to work and then suddenly you lose your job why did you lose your job well because my boss is an [ __ ] or is it because you allowed your emotions from one area of life to creep in and dictate the other area and so this saying

has been so crucial to my success because guys I have no less emotions nor do I think my emotions are not valid they're absolutely valid they exist but I don't let them run my what I run my life through the plan that I've built for myself to become the woman I want to be and that woman knows how to carry her emotions with her without letting them dictate the plan the second lesson that I learned in my 20s was that you settle for others because you settle for yourself most women and most people negotiate the

type of partner that they want to have in their life because they negotiate who they want to be in their life most people negotiate what type of friends they're going to have because they negotiate what type of friend they're going to be you have to decide who you need to be to be surrounded by the type of people who would be attracted to that person the reality is if you're complaining about your boyfriend your husband your spouse your friends your job you're probably the problem there's only one common denominator if you don't like the people

you're surrounded by change the common denominator this is the way that I looked at things which was if I want better people in my life I need to become a better person first and I think we live in this day and age where we blame people and we talk about how toxic people are there's nothing more toxic than blaming other people for your lack of something and then keeping them around complaining about them when in reality it's you who needs to level up anytime that I noticed that I wanted different friends I wanted to date

somebody differently I wanted to have a different job I just said how can I be better so that I am worthy of that thing so that that thing that I want wants me to here's the thing right now you you want those friends you won't want that guy you're not a want match because guess what they don't want you back and that's the reality and I wish somebody had told me that because everyone's like no you're amazing the way you are and except you can be amazing and also have areas to improve you can be

a great person and also not be the best friend and the best girlfriend sometimes we all have areas to improve acceptance doesn't mean dismissal of flaws and so what we want to do is be able to hold both hand in hand I accept myself and if I want these type of quality people in my life life I need to level up so the first time that I recognized this was I was reading a book it was actually Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within and I was reflecting on why was my last relationship so shitty and

not so shitty but what I felt like is I was looking at my past relationships and what I noticed was I constantly had Partners who I felt like almost suppressed me to a degree meaning they didn't want what was best for me and I asked myself why is that and what kind of partner do I really want and I remember I went through this exercise in his book where it basically has you write down all the traits of the person that you're looking for all your non-negotiables and list out all of those things in that

person so you get crystal clear on the type of person you want I remember writing all this list putting all these things down and I was like amazing that's the kind of person I want like not these people that I've had in my past but then there's a second step to that which is now write the list of who you need to be to be the person that your person is looking for and I remember I wrote that list and I looked at it and I was like I have room to improve I see why

I was in those relationships I see why I had those friends because despite how I may feel about myself at times on paper I think that I need to do these other things to be that person to attract those kind of people so what did I do about it I didn't complain I didn't cry I didn't say that all men suck I said I need to be a person worthy of better and so what I did is I got to work on that [ __ ] list right I lost 100 pound I started taking care

of myself I started respecting myself I invested in my skills I bought online courses for sales and marketing I took all of the extra time I had and read books educated myself and I just Tred to become a better version of myself before demanding others treat me better because at the end of the day nobody's going to respect you more than you respect yourselves and to the degree that you respect yourself and you have standards for yourself you will attract people who have those for you but you're not going to be able to demand more

of others than you demand of yourself and I think that that was probably one of the most important things that I could have learned was the reason that I settled for all these people is not because I was settling for people it's because I was settling for myself I settled for what was acceptable in terms of my Fitness in terms of my health in terms of my mindset in terms of my character in terms of my Integrity in terms of my confidence and I had to take a really hard look in the mirror and say

Are You Yet the woman that you wish to be Are You Yet the woman that you look up to and the answer was no and so it's like cool let's get to [ __ ] work and I think a lot of you might be in this situation if you're in your 20s like of course you're not that person yet you need to put in time to acquire the skills but let's not fool ourselves and say that just because we accept ourselves today doesn't mean that we should improve for tomorrow that is truly how human evolution

works we are constantly evolving people and so to try and suppress that and just say that I accept myself no matter what in all these circumstances all these people there's a great power in acceptance but there's also a limiter if we use it as a scapegoat not to improve ourselves the third piece of advice I have for women in their 20s is learn how to invest in your skills so you can make money and be free so what is being free my definition of being free is being able to act without fear of consequence so

what does that mean why is it that in some rooms you might be in a room of people and you want to go home right because you might feel like I can't slouch down on the couch when people are around I can't take off my bra when people are around and so for me freedom is being able to act as I am without fear that somebody's going to condemn me for it so to be free from rejection from fear of failure from judgment from other people we have to give ourselves the thing that we seek

from others if we invest in our skills skills compound faster than money so invest in your skills now so you can invest your money later a lot of people ask me they're like Leela should I invest my money I'm like yes invest your money in bettering yourself you are the fastest compounding asset that you have right now especially in your 20s and so you want to Triple down on that skills always go up in value can never be stolen and constantly compound the first time I realized how valuable it was to acquire skills to invest

in myself and to learn how to make money was when I made my first sale before I made my first sale I had so much insecurity around money I felt like it was out of control for me I felt like I didn't understand how people got rich I didn't understand how money worked and there's a lot of limit beliefs around my ability to have make and just have large amounts of money and it all started with learning sales and so what I did was I took a job at a gym where I had to learn

sales in order to actually have a job there and that was pretty terrifying but I knew I was like the richest people in the world and the most successful people that I've seen all learned sales every single person I looked up to they had learned sales and so I was like I've got to do it even though it freaking terrifies me and so I spent a T of time studying researching watching videos reading books doing all these things to learn the skill of sales and I was no less terrified than probably somebody watching this video

the first time that I even approached somebody to try and make a sale the lady literally told me [ __ ] off I remember I went to the bathroom and I cried but you know what I did after I cried I wiped off my [ __ ] tears and I got back out there on the field what happened was I kept trying I kept working at it I went from sucking to sucking less to being mediocre to being okay to being good to then great to then the top salesperson where I worked and the way

that I did that was by doubling down on my skills and you want to know why I doubled down is because I got a taste of what real freedom feels like when you know that you can rely on yourself the first sale I ever made it wasn't about the money it was about the fact that I knew that this was a skill that nobody could take away from me I didn't need to rely on anybody else for money because I know how to make it for myself now now what does this mean this means means

that I don't need anybody in my life which means I don't need to get somebody into my life because I am lonely because I am dependent I want people in my life because they make my life better so then what I did with all the money I was generating from the sales is I said how can I use this to get more skills because my goal was to learn rather than earn skills compound faster than money and this is what you should focus on when you're in your 20s which is focus on learning right now

not on earning so I took all my money and I bought a course and it was a course that I had seen that people said they'd be making you know 5060 $70,000 a month using this course to make money online and so I took all my money and I bought this course and you want to know what happened I bought the wrong course and it was a no refund policy so I took at that point it was from my first like two weeks of sales I had like $5,500 I bought a $5,000 course that was

the wrong course I emailed support they never emailed me back but you know what I learned from that I learned a value skill which was I was not detail oriented enough cuz guess what I bought course two before course one and so it's funny because in that moment I could have been so upset with myself and so annoyed but I was like I actually learned a really valuable lesson here is that I need to slow down sometimes because the fact that I just spent $5,000 which was pretty much all my money to buy something that

wasn't even the [ __ ] right thing and I didn't even read the refund policy even that in itself was such a valuable lesson to me because I was thinking I was going to get all these lessons from the course itself but instead life taught me a lesson which is I need to slow the [ __ ] down and learn how to be a little more detail oriented but all in all what learning how to acquire skills learning how to invest in myself really did for me was that it gave me the freedom to seek

a partner who made my life better rather than a partner who I needed to function I was in Newport Beach California and I was constantly working at a gym being a personal trainer who's a girl getting approached by guys who were like oh my gosh did you know he's a billionaire he owns this company he's got this yacht it's crazy he owns this nightclub and every time I got approached by that and I would have clients who were constantly telling me about going on dates with all these guys and I was like uh why are

you going to date with him he seems like an [ __ ] and like he's old and fat um confused and they were like well like he has a lot of money Leila and like I'm looking for somebody who can take care of me and I was like damn I'm looking for that person too but I just decided to become them and a a lot early on a lot of women I was surrounded with you know they said I was going about it the wrong way that no guy was going to want to date a

girl who knew how to make her own money but here's the thing I knew that I didn't want to be in a relationship that I was in for any reason other than this person makes my life better I want this person in my life being with this person is better than being alone so the question is do you want people in your life because they genuinely make your life better or because you're too afraid of being alone I wanted a partner who made my life better who expanded my life expanding my vision of myself not

a security blanket and so if you're in your 20s and you're trying to figure out what you need to do because I think a lot of women in their 20s you have two things on your mind which is you're trying to figure out career-wise what route do you go and also relationship wise what route you go the route that I took was hard do not get me wrong like it was not traditional but what it's allowed me to have later is a sense of self that I know that even if I wasn't with the person

that I'm with who I love so much I would be okay and that is a sense of Freedom that nobody can ever take away from me and I have that sense of freedom because I know how to take care of myself mentally physically financially emotionally and so the longer that you procrastinate investing in yourself procrastinate investing in your skills the longer you also delay finding that right person for you because at the end of the day do you want to be in a relationship because you need them or because they genuinely make your life better

because you're sitting there alone and you're like I actually wish I was with this person instead and I don't know about you but the thought of feeling like I have to be with somebody because I need to depend on them financially or I need them to fulfill some kind of void that I have has just never appealed to me the fourth piece of advice I have for you for women in your 20s is that if a person or a thing makes you respect yourself less walk away I have women who come to me every day

telling me about these men who cheat on them that don't treat them right that they can't find a guy and let me tell you a story I had somebody that I was dating and I was in a relationship for a couple years and then I had to leave for a period of time and when I came back I found out that that person had cheated on me I have been in those situations and what I've recognized is that how I show up to those situations and how what I decide to do in those situations is

all that I have control over we can't control other people but we can control whether we Stay or Leave a certain situation or person and so I had a situation where you know I had a relationship before Alex and that person was a great person but that person also cheated on me now in that moment that I found that out I had a decision to make which was how do I want to show up in this moment for me do I want to be the girl that slashes that guy's tires that yells at him that

talks [ __ ] on Facebook that posts on Instagram about how he's a piece of [ __ ] or do I want to just walk away what do I want to have happen and I decided in that moment when I found out and I was present with this person in the moment that I found out that I didn't want to make this situation any more painful than it was and instead I just asked myself what actions can I take right now that will make me proud tomorrow and I remember what I said I was like

okay well I guess we're broken up then and the guy was like waiting for me to like drop the pen or the PIN to drop or me to freak out or like something because I'm sure that's what most people had done and I was like I don't hate you and I don't wish the worst for you like maybe we could be friends in the future but like this just isn't for me that's just I just don't accept that so that's it and the crazy thing is that that was such a pivotal moment for me because

it was in that moment that I showed myself what kind of person I wanted to be which was in that moment I took an action not dictated by my emotions cuz of course I felt betray afraid and angry and disgusted right I was livid but I said to myself like how's yelling at this person going to help me how's yelling at this person going to make me like myself more and at the end of the day he's gone it's me that I'm left with how I feel about myself at the end of the day is

all that matters to me that was it I just remember the conversation I walked away and then I didn't have anything to say after that I didn't post on Facebook I didn't freak out and call my friends I didn't I just moved on and the reason I did that was because I said staying in this relationship and even just acting this way to the to what's happened with this relationship if I act out in that way I don't earn browning points with me tomorrow I don't earn future Lila's respect self-respect is the hardest to gain

and the easiest to lose and often times if we follow our emotions and we do what most people do we end up losing our own respect right in the process and most important is that self-respect is making decisions by yourself that nobody else will ever see nobody else will ever know you made nobody else until this moment in time knew how I handle that situation but I knew and I have to bring that that memory of how I interact with that person into every other thing in the future and I decided I was like I

don't want to be a man hater I don't even want to hate a man even if he cheated on me because what does that hate do for me what does it do for my life how does it build up Leela it doesn't it just poisons me and so I said I just don't want that in my life I don't want that emotion and I actually don't want to carry it and so I see a lot of women in their 20s that have a friend that did something shitty that have a boyfriend that did something shitty

that have a boss that did something shitty how do you feel about yourself when you complain about it to other people how do you feel about yourself when you yell at them how do you feel about yourself when you post about them on Instagram or Twitter or Tik Tok like how do you feel about yourself when you complain about a situation rather than just walking away and I've just found for myself in every situation I was in when I was younger just picking myself up and walking away with no emotional Outburst has built my character

faster than any other thing I've done what it's done is I've just drawn the Line This is How much I respect myself I respect myself so much that you're not even worth yelling at I respect myself so much that it's not even worth putting more energy into this situation I respect myself so much much that I care less that you know how mad I am and more that I know that I have my own back I care more about how I feel when I go home than I do how you feel in this moment and

so you don't ever want to trade your self-respect for somebody else's lots of my friends said why wouldn't you just like hand his ass to him like you got to [ __ ] call him out you got to call this girl you got to blow and the funny thing is that they thought that I was a giant n for not doing something about it for not blowing up for not being angry but I thought that I was a better person for it and so at the end of the day a lot of people didn't understand

why I reacted the way I did but I was the only one when a situation or a person doesn't serve you anymore why interact with it anymore why entertain it anymore why let it take up any more energy in your life like this is it I'm done I'm walking away new chapter and the only way that I can do that and actually respect myself set myself up better for the next chapter is to not show up in a way that goes against the vision that I have of my life and the kind of woman I

want to be if you're worried about what your friends think and what your family thinks or what people think of you just think about this most of us spend our whole life trying to earn the respect of like two to three people but it's much easier to just change who those two to three people are just walk away from the situation a lot of the times those two to three people they might be your family it might be your partner it might be your best friend of 12 years I have been in all of those

situations and and I have never regretted earning my respect over earning theirs I've never regretted putting myself ahead of somebody else because at the end of the day you set those relationships up for failure if you prioritize their desires their needs their respect over yours because what does that do it builds up resentment over time and that just eats away at the relationship anyways and so I've just always found that doing what's right for me doing what builds respect for myself at the end of the day others can take it or leave it but I've

got to do what's right for me the fifth piece of advice for women in their 20s is get comfortable being alone most people live their lives surrounded by people who exist simply to prevent them from being alone don't be most people there's literally nothing lonlier than being surrounded or being in a room with people who make you feel more alone than you are when you're by yourself until you can get comfortable with being alone you will never know if you choose a friend a job a lover a partner out of loneliness or out of love

in my opinion if you expand your capacity for loneliness you actually expand your capacity for love if you can love to be alone then you can have people in your life who genuinely make your life better who you want to have in your life not people that you need to possess people that you depend on you can have people in your life without needing to possess them become dependent on them or need them to feel okay why because this allows absolute freedom you know that if this other person leaves you're still going to be okay

because you like being alone and so you can't really freely choose the people in your life until you really love being by yourself the first time I experienced this was when I took an internship and that internship was it was in a resort in California and they gave me this cabin about 3 quarters of a mile from the resort out in the woods and there was no reception and there was no internet and it was the first time that for 6 months I was really alone like more than I'd ever been in my entire life

and it was so terrifying at first because I was constantly surrounded by Friends by boyfriends by my phone by TV by computer and it was the first time in my life where I was just alone with my thoughts and myself it was also most freeing experience that I could have ever had because what I had to learn in those times was how to be my own best friend was how to comfort myself was how to soothe myself was how to entertain myself was how to talk to myself and I don't think that I acquired those

skills until that point in my life and those skills were what allowed me to so fearlessly pursue everything I wanted in life because I was never fearful of people leaving for what I actually wanted and it's funny because what happened after that internship was I came back back home and I lived in this house with like six people and I said I got to move out I can't be around them anymore because I realized I needed to improve my relationship with myself and I felt like I'd made so much progress but I felt like it

wasn't done yet and so I moved out of that house into an apartment on my own at the age of 21 so I was just a girl living by herself probably not safe but it was the best decision I could have made because all of my discretionary time went into improving my skills improving my mindset and improving my relationship with myself most people are afraid to be alone once you're alone for like a few weeks you start to really love it because you start to know how to talk to yourself you start to learn how

to sooth yourself you start to learn how to depend on yourself rather than some person sitting in the room and often times we're friends or we're in relationships with people out of convenience not even because it's what we really want and I realized that at that point in time I was like I am a better friend of myself than so many of these people I've surrounded myself with and so I need to raise my standard of the people I surround myself with because now being alone is the standard I like being alone I like having

time to myself I like talking to myself I like spending time with myself and so if I don't like being with you more than I like being with myself it's a nogo and here's the thing you should be your own best company and if you're watching this and you're like I'm so scared of being alone you need to be alone more than anybody else watching this hope you guys like this video and if you did go ahead and let me know in the comments