FULL EPISODE: Everybody Still Hates Chris - Episode 1

life is a test my biggest test was an actual test the GED the test you take if you mess up in high school it's like an academic morning after pill I decided to drop out because I was taking three buses to a white school where a red head would beat my black ass but with the GED I could get a good job and start fresh so I couldn't wait to get my test results what's it say you fail what boy I'mma slap you in the animation ow good Lord do you know how hard it is

to fail the GED I have an uncle who can't read clocks and he has two geds I can't believe you slapped me I can't believe you made me throw my back out that's my mom Rochelle her test was making sure her kid succeeded by any beatings necessary this dinner was supposed to be a celebration we're using up our back to school money to pay for it that's my father Julius his test was growing up poor so he knew the cost of everything get your own money fly hey excuse me my son failed his GED and

I'd like to return his food he only ate 4 Cent worth of fries so does this mean I'm the smart one now you're eating a straw cool that's my brother Drew everyone thought I was hit his younger brother he never worried about Tess because the only thing greater than white privilege is hot privilege daddy since Chris failed does that mean it's okay for us to drop out smoke crack and become strippers no baby see what you did Chris set a better example Tanya was the youngest and my dad's favorite her test was how she could

make my life a living hell and she got an A every time I just wanted to get a fresh start I can't go back to that school oh maybe this year will be better I don't know about that history doesn't repeat itself it reboots and everybody hates a [Music] reboot I couldn't believe I fell the GED I felt like I had no future I was going to get stuck in bedside Do or Die where I was going to die of embarrassment back in ' 87 we didn't have social media but on my block at least

87 people knew your business before you got home I canceled four hair appointments to make this cake for Chris oh well little dude from across the street I heard you failed your GED even our friendly neighborhood con Jerome was disappointed in me and he just mugged a baby M Daddy can I get dance lessons after you cut Chris off financially of course baby cut me off when did you cut me on if you're not going to school you got to get a job or get out I can't have your sister and brother thinking it's okay

to be a bum we can't kick Chris out of the house cuz you care so much about me huh no cuz you can't do anything you'll die out there that's why you're going back to school but I miss so much class don't make me repeat 10th grade everyone will think I'm stupid if you don't think everyone already thinks you're stupid you're stupid look Chris that school is our best option so you don't end up on these streets it's scary out there crackheads gangs that white man in Larry bir Jersey 10th grade was the worst year

of my life not including the year I had a Jerry curl and now I had to do it all over again but maybe this was just a new test I I can still get a fresh start by getting fresh clothes from our renter upstairs Mr Omar ah here is a fine lightly used item at an affordable price is this from your funeral home that ain't none of your business that's between me and my dead client we need a new mattress this one is messing up my backat you said that was from slapping Chris I lied

to make him do better in school is called parenting duhh but we don't have new mattress money we haven't slept well in years you bought this one used off a pimp it's a pimp redic we are not getting a new mattress well then nothing's going to happen on this one all right I'll try to get a third job a third job no baby I don't want you working yourself to death it's okay I'll get a job my mom was great at her jobs but she was even better at quitting that's it uh ooh I don't

need this my man had two jobs but don't you want to do some team building trust Falls y'all have 400 years to gain my trust already Morin I can keep a job if I want to Julius damn uhhuh that looks say I'm getting a third job How You Like Me Now oh Chris I love this new not raggedy look my Mom hated raggedy she was the ghetto snob she always said we weren't Rich enough to look poor how'd you afford all that that looks like $40 worth of clothes Mr Omar sld me a dead man's

clothes real cheap and I've been buying a l people's clothes all this time Mery it's getting late you boys better get going drew it was Drew's freshman year and for the first time in a while we'd be at the same school I was hoping with my new clothes he wouldn't outshine me wrong wa you don't look raggedy why is everyone so surprised oh and Chris I'm going down to the temp agency Nessa is watching Tanya after school I need you to pick her up and take her to a dance lesson okay why do I have

to be the backup parent to a demon child come on Chris she's an angel thank you Daddy Chris if you're late those clothes will have two dead owners I had to take three buses to school but the bus drivers wouldn't always stop for us they were scared of my neighborhood they were scared of this neighborhood too they weren't scared of this neighborhood but I was you boys like candy I can't believe this is how you've been getting to school I wasn't sure about Drew going to school with me but at that moment I was so

glad I wasn't alone Drew my friends from the do are offering me a ride so when it came to women my brother was like Idris Ela can I squeeze in no and I was like Idis his elbow ain't nobody trying to have sex with an elbow well almost nobody I'm just going to [Music] walk what happened to your clothes I slipped the mud it don't smell like mud it wasn't mud there goes my first start I don't know why you need one this place seems okay cuz it's always the same old same old here watch

girls ignore me big guys want to hurt me little guys are suspicious of me there's two of them now and all the adults here are whack hello students this is principal Mel wishing you a great first day back at school and a special shout out to my home buddy Chris who did not get his GED but it's not his fault the test wasn't in ionic well well well look who's still running on CPT you're late go to the principal's office and I assume those white kids are white on time see that's why you failed the

GED you said right wrong my first day back was off to a bad start so at lunch I couldn't wait to hang out with the only guy I knew was having a bad day too hey Chris this school is great the bathroom stalls have doors not him him my best friend Greg sorry I can't be seen with you huh it's social suicide for an 11th grader like me to be hanging out with a 10th grader like you what do you mean you can't hang out with me I saw you getting pizza with three-legged Jimmy I

thought you'd be happy on back I am but what would people say if they saw me with Drew's brother Drew's brother it's what they're calling you now I'm going to see if I can buy true lunch I'll give you my Cheetos fine that stuff is crack if it was good enough for Jesus to Walk on it's good enough for you to sleep on Julius roelle what are you doing here the temp agency sent me did you take on a third job behind my bad back uh now we can double our discount on a new bed

Julius that is so goddamn romantic they said to check in with the supervisor I'm the supervisor ah finally have a job I won't have to quit I'm going on break but you just got here I didn't know how to grade myself on my first day back at school but my bully Joey Caruso did he came to F me up heard about your test see this is why you guys can't be quarterbacks anyway which side do you prefer right wait he's been acting shady all day expanding his crew selling drugs and he's wearing all Ralph Lauren

they may look like Urban preppies but these Ral luren fans call themselves the lwh heads and they're the latest gang to terrorize the streets of New York joining others like the Decepticons and the Boy Choir of Harlem that's not a gang that's a glee club are you in a gang uh yeah and I go by little horsey now looks like Lil horsey found a way to pass the test n n mother trust me your wife will love this pillow top it's so comfortable Rochelle can I give you some advice no like I was saying you

really shouldn't make this decision without your wife cuz uh sir I can help you sir sir as me and my unkicked ass headed home something weighed on my mind Hey dummy back then even the walls hated me you did the right thing for an idiot car fumes must be getting to me car fumes must be getting to me why you being a little I can't fake being in a game it get me in trouble with a real gang I should have stayed raggedy no one to ever find out besides right now you got bigger problems

Tanya poor Chris if you don't have the looks you got to at least be smart mm oh hey Chris I'm not talking about you I'm talking about another Chris who failed at GED I'm sorry I'm late oh don't apologize to me I'mma pray for you baby Chris I better not miss my chance to learn dance techniques developed by my all-time favorite artist what do you like about Elder Bard so much um he's a generational Talent being held back by his no Talent siblings just like [Music] me you're ELD to dead back at school faking gang

status up my real status people who used to call me the nword now called me the well-dressed [Music] nword even Thurman was scared I'm going to the bathroom you you you need a pass this is my pass homie that wasn't a gang sign it was sign language for butterfly come back with the misses she wouldn't want to miss this can I speak with you yes supervisor you want to test out this product Rochelle you're literally sleeping on the job I'm not but if I was what better advertisement than me sleeping on a mattress you want

me wide aake on a mattress I know what I'm doing based on what the hundreds of jobs I've had wives are the real decision makers when clueless husbands make purchases like this all alone their wives return them and the store loses money look a sale is a sale who knows if those guys will come back I'm back you know what I don't need this don't say it my man has three jobs and you barely have one Kevin dude your rep at the school has never been higher oh so now you're willing to be seen with

Drew's brother yeah you have status and I want to get in there why are they fighting they wanted to join my gang I said they had to jump themselves in WoW I haven't had sex but I know this is better than that little horsey report to my [Music] office I'm hearing some rumors about you I can't say I'm surprised that you answered the call of the streets but I want you to know I understand that gang life is the only way you can feed all your babies I don't have babies and I'm not really in

a gang Chris we have a zero tolerance policy for this kind of thing thing but good news the district created a new program called grip gang resistance is important yes so important and I want to help you get a grip on your life all right so what is it some kind of extra class that's where we're in kind of a pickle excuse me a fried okra the district doesn't have money for the actual program but we have T-shirts so I'm off the hook no you're expelled do you want some onesies for all your babies if

my mom found out I got expelled she would knock me into claymation so I decided to fake going to school after my parents left the next day I snuck back in Tanya what are you doing here I leave 2 hours after you fool that's cuz she went to the local school Lamont Sanford Junior High wait a second are you cutting class yeah but you're not cool enough to cut you got suspended but then why is there fear in your eyes you got expelled fine yes don't snitch on me okay please okay if you let me

hold 10 backs after school was over I'd have to sneak back out to to walk back in lucky for me my dad had a king-sized level of guilt I got a new mattress that's nice too bad you'll be on the couch look I shouldn't have doubted you and I'm really sorry okay well I forgive you what I lied I did fall asleep on the job BR shell I know I don't have your stamina to deal with so much foolishness at work baby it's amazing what you do for this family and I really want to say

that I'm roelle it's okay I'm roelle it's okay no I'm going to do it no you don't have to look look I'm not even mad anymore see I'm smiling I'm smiling I'm sorry wow you didn't throw up this time I was relieved my planed work sure I'd have to pull this off every day until I convince my folks to let me take the G again but for now things were good Chris got expelled really Chris really Tanya that's for Elder barge expelled what did you do he joined a gang Dre what in the I was

faking it okay that could get you in a lot of trouble son now why would you do something so dumb cuz maybe I'm dumb all right that's what the test said didn't it I'm just tired of getting beat up every day I needed a fresh start it's bad enough I have to be back at school at all you brought this on yourself Mrs so much class which wasn't my fault Thurman sent me to the principal's office for no reason all the time I missed tests that's why I dropped out wait what baby I had no

idea why didn't you tell us I tried to handle it myself guess I was too dumb to do that too it's always something with [Music] him our son is not dumb maybe your machine is dumb look look I ran the test again and wait there's an error code a what seems like he used a number three pencil instead of a number two machine couldn't read his test a number three pencil where'd he even get that oh no doc these are marked 50% off I also have a double coupon and a rebate 53 H I think

I have to pay you this is the greatest day of my life Chris this is why I say don't touch my things I was in a rush I just grabbed one out of your drawer wait does this mean I didn't fail hi um can you manually regrade his test no we have a policy I can't give your son special treatment because that's what's wrong with the world black kids getting all that special treatment Julius get the truck well first of all let me say it must be so hard to be a single mom my husband

is right here but I'm sorry any form of gang activity violates our rules he was lying about being in a gang and I guess I was just wondering why he had to do that to feel safe at school but that's probably for the attorneys to figure out attorneys yeah some big Law Firm said they would take this on pro bono am I saying that right uh maybe I was a little Hasty about EXP spelling Chris yeah and having him repeat the 10th grade because a teacher was harassing him oh I forgot to tell the attorney's

that part we can move Chris to the 11th grade thank you besides my son couldn't really be in a gang this boy still has a Snorks NightLight well it helped me stop weding the bed didn't it principal Mel uh the PA wait the entire School heard this your backpack is on the button uh to clarify this is not black Chris this is white Chris you may know me by my nickname Greg Mom Dad I'm sorry I caused all this trouble Chris the reason we're hard on you is because the world is harder but even if

you fail a test I'll be damned if you fail in life we've got you no matter what unless you bring home some babies what's this number two pencils I paid full price so it looked like my biggest test was going to be surviving high school but maybe I'd make new friends meet new girls and have new adventures maybe this was a test I could actually pass hey that's Boo Boo's windbreaker he's wearing our dead homies windbreaker get him uh-oh Pop Quiz everybody still is [Music] [Music] [Music] M TV