ANDREIA ROSSI (ORIENTADORA PARENTAL DE FAMÍLIAS NEUROATÍPICAS) - PODPEOPLE #197

[Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] those of you who are waiting for our Episode, I'm going to ask you to subscribe to the channel Share the content and hit the Bell so we can inform you all the news Our guest from today she is a parental educator and counselor for neuro atypical families, she is the mother of a girl with positive challenging disorder and shares her experience with mothering a neurodivergent child in our chat today we will talk about the challenges of educating and caring for a child with this disorder How to support emotional development strategies

for dealing with challenging behaviors and the importance of family support with you Andreia Rosse [Music] [Music] Hello everyone, welcome to another episode from pod people a place where we meet to see and hear people People who Do People who happen People who inspire Our guest today is a psychopedagogue parental counselor and her name is Andreia Ross before we start I just wanted you to do a little favor, no Don't forget to subscribe here to the channel to share the content and press the bell to receive all the news Good evening Everything is good my dear,

everything is fine Thank you Bia for the invitation, thank you very much Alex is very happy to be here, that's it The pleasure is ours Look what It was difficult for us to find content about Tod, it was very difficult, we had been looking for a while and hadn't followed, so we are very happy to have you here so we could learn and share with people, thank you, thank you for your trust No, but it's true, dear, explain something to me it was your your your choice for psychopedagogy Clinical psychopedagogy and within that then why

Todd So I wanted you to Tell a little bit about your story we go into some swimming pools sometimes out of necessity, right and with me it was no different, right I am I embarked on the psychopedagogy of human behavior because I became the mother of a girl who today I know is neurodivergent, right, she is 17 years old today, but a few years ago, a few good years ago, I had never even heard of neurodivergent you weren't from that area at all Bia nothing no it wasn't something of your choice no I graduated in

social communications when I was 22 years old I already graduated working in the Pharmaceutical Industry in the marketing area Wow nothing completely different I went to work in an industry which was focused on ophthalmology uhum and I worked, I traveled back and forth, I met my husband in the industry, I met Paulo there, he traveled one way, I traveled the other, when we met, we were together, we decided to get married after 1 year and In the middle of dating, we got married and then it was really cool because he was working, I was doing

my thing, doing a thousand things outside of neurodiversity, I didn't even know what neurodiversity was, neither of us was like, we're here in the Pharmaceutical Industry and we go and we work in Marketing I went to many places, I traveled to many many places, I was always walking back and forth, my mother even said, this marriage will last a lifetime, you won't see each other there, and then we were married for years when We decided to have a child and getting pregnant was very difficult, my pregnancy wasn't that easy. I had to undergo treatment, I

spent two years trying to get pregnant, I had to take some stimulators, and well, one fine day, right after my birthday, I realized that I hadn't. I'm late with my period, let's do the test, I'm pregnant Uhum And the whole pregnancy was very difficult, it wasn't that common pregnancy, right, so there were a lot of tests and the doctors said there's something, we don't know what it is, it's an atypical development, I think the first one time I I heard this word that made sense to me I think I should have heard it At some

point , but for me it made sense at that atypical moment, it's different, right? how many months was she born at 7 months and a half months Uhum And then she was born and then they came I remember it was so confusing, that thing, right, many doctors Ah, she has a problem with her heart, she has a phenotype phenotype, you have no idea what that was like, I didn't want to be like that, it wasn't this pregnancy that I imagined this motherhood, right, a different phenotype, let's go, I had already done a karyotype during pregnancy

and then I had to repeat it because I was a girl so they were suspecting that they had taken my cells, not hers And then, hey, do this, do that, he was born with bilateral hip dislocation, so he had to go to a pavlick, right, it was that little device so he couldn't give him a bath, I remember that I I said, what is this, completely different from what you had thought for yourself and for yourself, and it was a question, every day, another question, another question and a big scare, I remember that I was

disfigured at the time, right? appropriating all of this, right, so we went home with Maria Fernanda, fear, despair, I said, I need to make this being survive, right, every day I thought the same thing and we started eliminating things, so she overcame the hip issue, but Then she had generalized hypotonia hypotonia, right? What is that too, right? And we learned along the way, right? And when she was about a year old, I remember that a specialist in medical genetics said the following: Look, we don't know what your daughter It's because the organic part is going

well, the motor development is late, right? So there's a global developmental delay, there are some things that we don't know, but in terms of literacy, you'll discover something when you start literacy, when you start literacy, so I focused a lot on her body development, right? So she had the engine had to go, she had to go, she was exactly right, Maria Fernanda fell all the time, that child who was a lot of work, I couldn't calm down, right ? people, Maria Fernanda, she's like a samba school, a front committee , I know she's not, right,

but she's also not there on the broom, that little boy who's been cleaning everything, right, the dance floor, she's somewhere I don't know where it is because later on, she's going to do it her way, she's going to do it, right? But then the demand was very high because she had to do physiotherapy, she had to use pairs, and I went to ACD a lot to make an orthosis for her because she had problems with her feet, she was suspected of spina bifida a lot of things so during this period you were no longer practically

living for Maria Fernanda stopped working I worked in a company that was really cool the people were really cool and I had an incredible manager who I pray to him every night I thank him put he has been in our life because when he had this thing of looking at a child and a mother, that collaborator there having a difficult time Alex, I think he was a very enlightened person and I think he liked it a lot It's not possible for me either, right? I should be a good employee, too. I've always been very dedicated,

giving what I could, anyway, and then he understood because I traveled a lot for work, I took care of product launches, so I was in the northeast at another time. I was in Central America the other time I was in the United States, I went back and forth and sometimes I went from the physiotherapy clinic to the airport for a consultation, I made a point of always being there with her in her development and my mother was very supportive of us, but for my mother it was very heavy was what made me completely change direction.

I remember she had to do an activity on a podium that held her knee, held her hip, everything for her to gain strength and my mother put it on and it was a horrible thing, you know, made of wood, such and such a thing. my mother once told me She called crying saying I'm not going to do this to my first granddaughter, right? And she's taking care of her and PR , everything is also different from what she must have dreamed of as a grandmother, right? tie this girl up to her knees and so on

and then I talked to Paulo and I said Paulo I can't do it anymore, I'm asking too much from my mother and then I said that too and up front I'm sure that God is good all the time and I can work with whatever I want but Today, there is no substitute for Maria Fernanda, I need to do it for her because in the future, if I don't do it for her, she will suffer and I won't be able to bear it, I won't be able to go through this, I'll have lost this window of

opportunity to do my best. for her exact development And then it was very funny that when she was one year old he also worked in the same company, but he received a man who had a small distributor of ophthalmic products, but it was really small, it was him plus two employees and he said, I'm tired I need to retire you and Alexandre who was his friend at the time, you don't want to make a purchase from this company Let's try but I hadn't even thought about leaving the company yet he came to talk to me

and he said Can you handle the bills I said I think so we have a plan of health by the company, everything is fine, so come on, it's your time, we'll realize it, we'll get it And then we started to support ourselves with my salary, with my health plan, with the maf treatments, everything there But then suddenly the need to change came and now I said Oh my God, I said, well, it's going to work out, so I had to resign because I couldn't do it Maisa, but when I went to resign, I told my

boss like this, so Nelson, I need to resign, oh, I'm sorry, cry, cry, cry, what happened, is everything ok? Maria Fernanda explained and talked, I explained my reality as a mother, I said I can't do things anymore, I owe somewhere and the only place I can't owe now is to her, right? And if I don't owe her I'll stay here leaving something to be desired and I need to pave the way for other people, I can't be selfish, you know, and I can't be selfish with her either, how is Paulo there with the company because

Paulo had already left, I said, hey, we're paying the bills ourselves. will see a minimally decent health plan for Maria Fernanda and we will manage and he said it won't go You can go calmly and he gave us 2 and a half years of health plan for me, Paulo and Maria Fernanda in the executive with full reimbursement for all her treatment so I said To Paulo I said, now I'll take care of this end and you take care of the other end, you do the ex who guaranteed something very important for you, which is the

issue of a health plan sa health plan was essential for us to be able to work with all the possibilities and we invested a lot in this motor part and doctor and that's when this doctor told us she's going to show up there in literacy and then we just when she was four years old I started to notice a lot of difficult behaviors in her that no longer no longer dealing with her, no dealing with her with El on a daily basis, extremely frustrating, that exaggerated emotion, that behavior that I tried to interact with her

and it was difficult. I tried to talk to her, I tried to show her. And then I felt frustrated too because I said, oh my God, I'm really bad as a mother. I'm a terrible mother to Maria Fernanda I can't deal with it, it's the first moment we start to deal with it because society also starts to demand how she treats you like that, it's exactly you have no attitude, you let her do what she wants, she It's going to hit you in the face, I was already saying, oh my God, what the hell? I'm

doing it wrong and then one time we were in a hotel on the edge of a pool, she was 4 years old and the little boy was her age and he said this and we were in that dynamic of getting out of the pool, I don't know what, then he He said, you don't obey you [Laughter] mother, a child, then I said it's not possible, I'm hearing this from a child and it was very difficult, I tried everything, I read, I did it, and I couldn't do it, it was very frustrating, so I went to

school. Then school starts mommy mommy and calls every day and comes mommy Look she didn't notice mommy I don't know what I was saying My name is not mommy this behavior my name is not mommy I loved it and this behavior you could see that it started to not just be with you it started to show at school also all the environments it wasn't just with me it was with my father it was with everyone and hey I remember an uncle of mine I have an uncle who is younger than me he said that he

hates her she talks to you as if she were an adult what a discussion That's it And then it was enough for me to enter a place where I said this, I really wasn't born to be a mother, I shouldn't have been a mother, right? Regret Yes, of course, giant, you mourned, so when an atypical child is born, you will necessarily mourn the typical child that you expected, this is normal, right, in any neurodiversity there is always this because it is something different from what was expected, this does not mean that you don't love it

But it's a situation, you say that this is it, I don't understand, I don't know, I don't know how to put it In this territory, everything was very different. world and I had a lot of friends my age who were also mothering Uhum And it was so peaceful it was so nice and then I started to close myself off like that I said no I don't want to have contact I don't want to see anyone anymore I don't want to go out anymore it was M shelf, right? a lot because it always happened to Maria

Fernanda, so like that and then I went to the school's birthday parties until So I still didn't have a diagnosis, no, the school had asked us to look for a psychologist She said look for a psychologist, it's different, so we went there psychologist imagines a child 5 years old 5 6 years old , you start doing something like, what's it like in your house ? Maria Fernanda and with our family dynamics too, so she said this, Maria Fernanda is the result of what happens in your house, it's not possible, definitely, this person doesn't understand anything

about brain functioning to say that, right, wow, I remember that one day Bia I arrived crying, I'm intimate with you Bia, sure, please, I've arrived One day I said this, look, every day I bring Maria Fernanda here I'm going to stand there with my mouth closed, you're going to lift her t-shirt, you're going to lift her shorts, you're going to see if there's a bruise, slap it You can ask her whatever you want, you open her lunch box, check, smell, look at her hair to see if this girl is mistreated, I said, I don't know

what else to do because her behavior is very difficult and I have done everything, everything and I went from negligent to authoritarian of permissive I couldn't find the balance because it was desperation Néa trying in any way to see if then when she was already 7 years old I referred us to a psychiatrist the first time they said so your daughter needs a psychiatrist I said it's the certificate from incompetence was the first thing I thought uhum I said I'm going to the first thing I saw was a taja preta medicine me doping my daughter

because I couldn't handle her her head that was the reading I did at that moment and I went there it was umum he is her doctor until today he is 17 he has been with her for over 10 years and she had a huge emotional regulation crisis in the office and I was also crying It was a disorganized business, right? He said calm down and we will organize Maria Fernanda She will undergo a therapy called cognitive behavioral therapy, after she has organized it at the right time, she will go through an evaluation process. For now,

I just need you to look for this and for you to seek family guidance for you, it will be good and it gave me the indication he said there is no medicine There's nothing for now in this first moment, that's it, he welcomed him, he said, let's organize everything, everything is very disorganized, then we'll talk again and that's what we did, we have a therapist who is The Mafia Therapist to this day, to this day, eh leid was a blessing, I say that God is good all the time and then she went and did all

the work with Maria Fernanda with us, then there was a parental advisor who came to talk to us, explained about neurodiversity, explained about brain functioning, talked about practices that positive reinforcement reinforcement practices then it started to open up a light like that , right, many things started to make sense here, the organization of her behavior, right , it started to give you content that it was possible for you to reason with and not end up in despair trying anything, right, And not even be left with This feeling of guilt, right? I'm the one who's making

a mistake, I'm the one who's making a mistake. contact with family guidance, you know, she said, let's not fix it Maria Fernanda, you will understand your daughter and when you understand your daughter you will see that everything made sense and that really stuck with me and I used it as a defense, right, even for society because I had to create all of this to defend myself from society and then I started studying and then I started having a lot of problems because of my behavior with learning. I said I'm not going to do psychology pedagogy,

I need to understand how this happens, I studied it and then it was When you go to psychopedagogy I did the FAC the postgraduate course I understood then I started reading reading reading I became obsessed with Reading and I started researching this and that and it started to make sense but the behavior didn't improve, it did get better Yes, of course with the dynamics but the behavior was still very difficult, have you already Todd was diagnosed and then she went to therapy for a year because she was very aversive, she had aversive aggressive behavior, she

was very intolerant and we went through a very long period of time, from four to seven years old, trying to help her, but with the resources that We had it, you know, and still with a lot of guilt, a lot of judgment, a lot of fear of people, you know, looking at us, I listened to them like, you do too much, you allow too much, you welcome too much, you let them manage and then we went to the little parties. birthday the mothers sat down to talk, that's standard behavior, right? The mothers sit down to

talk, the fathers stay on the edge of the bar and the children play terror on the toys, right? I didn't sit down Me, Aunt Maria Fernanda, I don't know what, Aunt Maria Fernanda and I had to get up all the time I had to go there all the time then oh you protect You are super protective of your daughter you don't let her solve anything but she can't then the children keep calling and the mothers stare at us it was very difficult And Then it was about her behavior at parties with the other children at

the time, she had that intolerance of relationships of not not knowing when to stop, not having control over the situation, not reading the other person's environment, it's just that I didn't understand in this way, impulsiveness present there, right, and so self-centered, right? And at the time she was called Ah, she's a selfish girl, spoiled because she's an only child, she has everything at home, so it's logical that she won't know how to share her mother doesn't teach her mother, her father never shows up, right, her mother teaches and then when she turned a year old,

her Therapist said now it's time for us to do an assessment because she had already tried to do a previous assessment one year after therapy, one year after therapy she went for assessment but before that one year of therapy was when we arrived at these two professionals That's why she had a story about an evaluation that the school requested and sent me to a therapist Uhum And the therapist did it like this, she tried to start the evaluation process, she opened the door to the clinic, she said, oh, take it, take PR home. because it's

not working, she didn't cooperate with anything, she didn't do anything right here today, so I picked up that girl and there were days when I was lecturing a girl who was about six years old, I was talking in the car, then there were days when I cried to Had day I was shouting and there were days when I said oh let's stop for ice cream and when the report came she said look it's inconclusive and I'm like this, you know, with my arm crossed like this and she's talking to my husband passing by, don't even

look at my face, right ? We couldn't conclude, I don't know what she had, then she looked at me and said, I'm scared of you, I think you're going to jump on my neck at any moment, so I said, but you should really be scared because I'm almost doing it I said no you he did his job properly and it's my daughter's fault it's not inconclusive but the inconclusiveness itself had to open up real possibilities Look, I haven't concluded whether she's within the autistic spectrum, I haven't concluded whether she's within the possibility of Todd, I

don't in conclusion, it is a global developmental learning disorder, but it is within that now that it is inconclusive, it was like that, and then it was very sad, so much so that when I arrived with this assessment for Miguel, who is the psychiatrist, da F he put it in an envelope he said this here you will keep it away from you you will never look at it again but one day it will go in a book you will tell a story about it right and so I kept it I said well I will I'm

going to let go, right? And then we started the evaluation process, they appointed me a person specialized in disruptive disruptive behavior Uhum And then this person took almost 5 months to do the evaluation there with Maria Fernanda because there were days when she went and she didn't respond well there was a day when she I would arrive and eat a jar of this from the office. There were days when she would speak for 10 minutes and leave, then there are those Tests that cannot be repeated like that because they cancel the test. She was being

very creative and after 5 months she held my meeting with me and Paula Fe was 7 E5 to 8 years old and I remember it was a Tuesday At night she said this your daughter is a total is a total Severo Uhum And she is a total with a borderline intelligence Uhum So She had a learning disorder and she had boredom, there were two things together exactly and one was walking with the other, feeding the other, I had never heard of Tod and Andreia, let's go, so why do people want it? What is Tod and

for people to be able to understand oppositional defiant disorder, right? Todd, it is a disorder that is emotional and brings harm to the child due to opposition and challenge to authority figures, right ? be light moderate or severe But that doesn't say that mild is easy, right? It can happen with a single authority figure or with other authority figures, Todd, it can be comorbid with other disorders, right, but it brings harm to the child because the child cannot Tolerate frustrations, she has no organization of emotion and it's not just negative, it's also positive emotion because

she sometimes goes from frustration to Euphoria in a disorganized way, it's emotional dysregulation, right? It's something you don't know how to regulate emotion, she can't handle it. and he has that characteristic of thinking later, right? He thinks and regrets and enters In a feeling of guilt of asking for forgiveness all the time I didn't want to be like this I don't want to be like this I don't know why I acted like this because I'm crying so Enem how many of my friends' typical children had their frustrations too because it's natural and then I think

that great confusion comes from mine and it lasted 20 minutes, half an hour, a hold, a cuddle, you know, a fit coming on, slowing down uhm, my daughter didn't, sometimes she spent 3 a lot of hours there frustrated and I'm trying several times to make that approach, that one, right, come here, my love, no, but yes, now I want it, now I don't want it anymore, until it becomes that exhaustion, leaving the peak of the emotional crisis of a child who has TDD, it's exhausting, you feel that when it passes the crisis, this child is

there, she arrives, she's so soft, worn out, quiet, I call it a moral hangover, this the child has a moral hangover, which is something that's saddening, you look at her and you see the child's suffering, her exhaustion Wow, it's too much like that and the sadness together, right? You see, I noticed this clearly in my daughter, she had it and she was afraid of losing our love, so she said, I love you, mom, she wrote, I love you so much, in her own way, nowadays, she writes beautiful letters, help me, help me I want to

change, but it's very difficult, right? Because what happens at the age of 7, the child also has to cope emotionally with his internal demand and the external demand, which is literacy, so he needs to learn to read, he needs to learn to write, he has to do the math, she has to elaborate, she has to respect the classmate, she has to pay attention in class, she has to organize material and all of this without, along with the other little comorbidities she had, frustration, sadness, social pressure on her and society's unpreparedness came, exactly, right, because I

think this is what It gets worse because you are in a room with 13 14 students in a private early childhood education school or you get another room with 30 students and the teachers also don't know what they have to do there with this neurodiversity and it's a unpreparedness and there is also another issue that I experienced this and it was very sad for Maria Fernanda's life and she remembers this episode where some families make it seem like their son is disturbing my son at school, this is quite common, right? And then she went through

this too, right? And so it was very sad during this whole period, right? so when this diagnosis came I was very desperate but what made me change and enter parental guidance and then I went to find another parental guidance counselor who I said like this I want one for myself I said Paulo Let's separate I marry her she will be mine parental advisor, my wife, you go there because I need someone whole day here helping me, right? So that you would understand and that outsider look, study but I didn't conform but what made me turn

the key to learning was a completely layman who was curious, I would say he said that, wow, because I started to speak in a Vel way with Shame, very ashamed that my daughter had something mental about mental health I didn't have the term neurodivergent yet I said oh she has a disorder called Tod, right Todd So you get ready because you're going to visit your daughter in jail oh my God she said ISO me I said what do you mean she said no no There is a cure and she will transgress that type of person

who will either steal or kill or I don't know what, antisocial, which has nothing to do with it, I think she got a little confused, but then it's the total lack of information that caused it. She made a feijoada She put the related symptoms there and made a feijoada and served the feijoada I remember that I was very shocked by this and I said no, I wasn't born to be a mother of a daughter who goes to jail and Maria Fernanda won't go to jail, I'll guarantee that, PR, motivation, right, you started to move, you

turned me into the devil of tasm, I understood the best medicine is called mother and love, right, I said, I think so, I said, no, Maria Fernanda isn't going to jail, and no, she's not. This will be the statistic they are talking about and I told Paulo no one will stop me and if I have to displease someone I will displease society it won't be Maria Fernanda I will do everything I can And since then I haven't stopped there I I went to one a parental advisor, a friend of mine said this, Andreia talks to

this person here who is Cláudia, so I went and made an appointment with Cláudia, Cláudia accompanied me for more than a year, every week, I had a notebook, I wrote it down, on such and such a time, this behavior happened. what was happening before what was happening after what she wanted how did I respond to her I was playing chess, right you were putting together a puzzle of all the triggers of all the factors that could be This deregulation is predictable, I said, "Clud," she said, " What did I do wrong?" Cláudia tells me what

I could have done in this situation, how I could have talked to her, and she said that, and then one day I said, I can't take it anymore clashes because we stay there, she said Andreia, you're not a tree, if she gets into a clash with you, ask for permission and say, my daughter, it's over, we're not going to argue, I'm going to my room to cool my head and in a little while we'll talk again and I always remembered this when we started in the Episodes because she was already undergoing CBT, she had already

gone back to the psychiatrist, he had already taken medication, she had been put on medication And then the conflict continued because it's not a magic ball, it's not a little pimpim pimpim powder There you were there, feeding back on her behavior, I needed it, I said no, I need to get out of this place, right? And then we started saying, I'm not a tree, I can walk, I can get out, I can breathe, when she had some episodes of dysregulation. that she wanted something that I Cláudia also said, Andreia, health, safety cannot be at risk,

now the rest of it, let it happen, let it go, let it go, let it go, right, because I came from a social construction structured on obedience and then I wanted to reproduce this model that only It was going wrong, it was no longer possible, you know, it was no longer possible. Downhill and then I started studying and studying and studying and studying and it goes well and then I managed to understand some things about how it works and it started to work and then I said, I'm not going to study about family guidance, I'm

going study positive discipline and education positive, I'm going to study about paternal relums, I'm going to study, but I'm going to study about the brain, the child's brain , the teenager's brain, Why does this happen? these triggers And these explosions I was exactly talking to the therapists, she wasn't, but come here, explain this to me, so she did three weeks of therapy, one week it was mine, now you explain this to me, now you tell me, but why me, and in this case, but why? that she is acting like this tell me what What is

inhibitory control and what is this executive function ? to also do the part of I said I'm going to this place mom you take care of F for me twice a week twice a week I have to be there you can go Andreia I was just him support my mother always right And I say that my mother my older brother is also my two brothers are very nice but my older brother was always very close there and F's godmother was always very supportive And then I went there and understood I said Ah, so that's how

they apply it That's what they understand, that's the questions that are asked. I started looking at children, I started interacting with children who were similar to my daughter, and then how we started to see realities, and then you started to realize that it wasn't just yours. daughter and that there is not and I said so will everyone Everyone here is going to jail, right? I thought, everyone is going, everyone is going to jail, right? So that's how I started, I went to PR, I went to the office where she had therapy F in audiology, I

don't know what, then I sat next to mom, who was her daughter? How can she behave like a researcher, let alone obsessive and knowing about that subject because I said it's not possible that everyone will go to jail, right ? oh I don't know What am I, but it happens, doesn't it Ah, that's how it is, I started talking, exchanging and taking notes, then I got home and said Paulo, we need to talk about this And I talked to Paulo, then Paulo F, baby, I'm not in her head The other one was already separated, I

have to sit down with Paulo to start preparing, no, Paulo, you don't have an option, okay, until death do us part, that option, you don't have it, right, but what was cool about Paulo is what he said. That's how Andréia I was like that when I was a child Andréia I was like that when I know that Andreia I was grounded one day like that one day not one day like that one day not Paulo went after his diagnosis and he is neurodivergent he received Todd's diagnosis of ADHD uhum late I also say that this

t-shirt is for him too exactly and then he started to understand each other, we started to understand each other more as a family, it became much more difficult to deal with Maria Fernanda with knowledge because I started to adopt a new way of acting, I said no, I need to be different, right? that she had a behavior already operating within the pattern that the We offered, so I said that I had to change the car's gear with the car moving, the car moving exactly on a bumpy road, so there was a lot of jolting, it

was difficult , it was persistent. It's something like that that I didn't understand, right? I doubted the diagnosis, right? There was a time when I said it's not possible, no, that's not happening, right? I came back and the parental guidance helped me a lot because I was able to take on a new role and then I decided to open my Instagram page. It was in the middle of the beginning of the pandemic that we locked ourselves in, right ? you don't tell me Exactly this I'm going to tell you I wish you had told me

Yeah Uhum And that's what I said I opened the page here I said this to Paulo but why are you going to do that Andreia I said Paulo I talked with many mothers in the offices I spoke with many people in my internship at Escola Paulista de Medicina I spoke with many I saw many children the difficulty and then when we do things differently the response is different when we put faith in the child that they are with this difficulty it's different, look every time we believed in faith she gave a different answer so I'm

going to create this page because there are more people going through this and all the professionals that Maria Fernanda had were all very good so I say that this was God's answer to the prayers that I said, God, I'm a Christian, so I said, I need someone very good at behavior, very good at behavior, to help Maria Fernanda and come, I need someone very good at medication because I was super against medication, who explained to me exactly what's going on. happen what will be good for her, I need a school like that, I need a

school like that , I just said, not everyone has access to everything we have, right? and we were able to go to other places that were also more favorable for development of EF then I started to look, man, this happened to my daughter, she had this diagnosis, so and so, right? There were 200 people there, 300 people, at that moment you were already quite a lot, you had already gone down this road, changing the wheel, tire, every hole. but so you what led you to understand that she really has this type of disorder The behavior

And then you went because you were there but from what I understand you were reading more and more about neurod neurodiversity divergence neurodivergence And you already having the support there of a parietal monitoring for you, what's that? It made you talk, opened the page But you made you change that path, talk like this, I'm going to open up a little of my life, but I want to help other parents and you came back, did you do any neuroscience? something like this FZ applied neuroscience education is And then, just before this turning point, of wanting to

share my life , my life, right, it makes me vulnerable, right, That's right, that's where a positive side comes, but the stones also come together, it's exactly the one time she had it was very difficult too and I went to talk to her therapist I said lady I don't know I'm doing it right because I'm not seeing a lot of progress they're like this we walk 10 laps 25 two laps plus three it's too slow and that's how I think that I'm doing it wrong, it's still not right, right? She said it's not your fault,

you're being an excellent mother, it's just that it takes time, it's not something we can change, she said it's going to take a while, but if you give up it's going to get worse, which is a lot It's important, right Andréia, that we talk about little about this because both professionals and us who work in the area of ​​behavior, it's not something like treating a little wound there and we take that antibiotic, it's something that comes from the neurophysiological part, comes from the medication part, comes from the behavioral part and that's important . are you

giving voice because parents have this need, this demand to arrive and think that we are experts in behavior and that I'm going there in a month my daughter will change Uhum So both the professional and this family are very much in this feeling I wonder if I'm doing it right but it's something that really It takes time and a long time, it's a long journey and it's very important that you talk about it because people get lost, uh, parents, they lose it because what you felt, right? And look, you had already studied, you had already

looked and knowledge and every now and then you would knock on the door and say I'm going wrong where am I because that's exactly what it is and that's what I think is important for our audience to understand because while we are professionals, we here on this side get this a lot Don't parents think it's a recipe? of cake and it will resolve quickly uhum exactly and that is the great magic of behavior and treating neurotypicals is for us to understand that they are unique that we even have a recipe that can help but it

won't always be that and sometimes when that recipe It doesn't work, this is the time when we enter into a frustration that in my case there really is no way I wish you would lift that ball a little more then help me that was really cool because I was when I spoke to her she said just keep going it will work out you can't don't give up because it's working out you you don't see it but it's working and then I said well I've always been very determined I said I'm going to continue So it's

going to work and then I thought like that, right? Eh, I'm going to make choices that will displease a lot of people, so when Maria had the her crises, especially at my house parents because it started to become difficult for everyone, right, at school, I, in the family, in the family, everywhere, socially, right, I stopped everything I was doing, I said, I lowered myself, I said, I'm here with you, I'm here, it's okay. Eye to Eye, I looked down and she looked like people, she was always skinny, like people with arms and legs, screaming with

frustration at everything and I said, don't come here, I grabbed my daughter and said, I'm leaving Oh, but it's logical that she will do so she does it because she wants to leave you are You are leaving you did what she wanted and I left everyone talking I said I couldn't turn off what people were saying but I managed to lower the microphone Uhm So I lowered it well This microphone from the trial freed me from the trial, no, I thought everything was calm, it was very difficult, I lay in bed and cried every night,

but I said, I prefer me to cry and society to point me out, but I'm going to welcome Maria Fernanda, she's neurodivergent She has a different brain and I I need to take care of this brain she I'm not going to fix it so I'm going to understand her so I went and then I started talking so when she was Calm down we exchanged things daughter look let's play if I'm my doll Come here and punch this doll here because She's very angry, I don't know what you're going to be happy or sad about and

I made plans presenting emotions to her, everything is also in her room, I put posters in her room, I made a routine for her, she didn't know how to read, so I put a photo of her therapist the photo of the playground the photo I don't know what there photo of mom's dad we're going to do this on the weekend there's this do you like this what do you don't like I made a red poster like this of what she didn't like and what she thought was cool look when you have here what you don't

like in this place that you don't like you're going to call me I can help you I'm going to stay by your side at school so that's it that's that I was doing that with her right And she was building that too but the which left me very shocked by Maria Fernanda at school at 10 years when she was already 10 years old and it was still very difficult due to the unpreparedness of society as a whole and her being accused a lot for her behavior in the school environment because she was always more childish,

you know, a later brain maturity, exactly, and she was very isolated excluded was bullied, right? There was an episode where a teacher took her by the arm like this and she was going to turn 10 and we had a party for 10 little friends in a limousine, it was going to be just the way she wanted and the teacher brought her like this holding it like this and said like this I told her that she doesn't deserve a birthday party at the school gates with other mothers together and I put it down I told her

like this Dad and I know that you deserve it, it's not a teacher who will tell you what you deserve or not and that was horrible, right, because the teacher must have thought tomorrow this girl is going to hit me in the face, that's for sure, isn't it? will cancel the party but I need to understand from you my daughter how Did you feel Because before I didn't give my daughter a voice I believed in everything they brought to me from an adult's perspective, right? So look, she behaved badly, she didn't do her homework, she

didn't disturb her colleague, she this, she that, and then I was on top of her, why did you do that, fighting when I turned the switch on talking like this, tell me what happened, I already know what happened from your teacher, but I don't know what happened from you, you're giving voice. and she can position herself as legitimizing Then she started and we started make this exchange and we started to make this welcoming And then I went to Instagram and said people, listen to your children, don't just listen to adults, we need to change this,

we need to give a voice to this because there is another side and we have to listen with the child's ears, we can't deny what he's feeling, it's very difficult, right? And then I said to these mothers on Instagram, it's difficult to be a mother of a neurodivergent child, I know because I am, but it's much more difficult to be neurodivergent. much more difficult And that was it I started to normalize, I started letting go of this place, but when I was 10 years old, Maria Fernanda said that she was going to kill herself when

she was 10 years old, when she was 10 years old, when she was 10 years old, she said so much that a mother called me in despair and said, look, my daughter just called here crying. your daughter is at school saying this, I called the school, I said for the love of God, right, put someone on her side, I don't know what's going to happen, it was desperate, I went after her and then she said mom, I can't take it anymore, I can't I don't know what's happening to me, right? And I said if the

brain is a little different, it's not wrong, but it's different. Some things I see one way, you see it another way, and it's okay, we just need to find a way that makes you comfortable and I put her in this place and the parental guidance brought me this too, right Listen to your daughter, listen to your daughter too, right, the approach is to understand conflict resolution So, look, this is it here, my daughter, both therapy cognitive behavioral regarding parental guidance and everything I studied in both places it was to bring it to her like there

is not just one way to solve it and it's ok if you have more difficulty or you can do it alone Or you need help and it's ok and then when this avalanche of things happened I would go to Instagram And she said more details, I asked PR if I could open Instagram, I said daughter, I'm going to make an Instagram here and I'm going to talk about my routine, you're part of my routine, is that ok for you? She said, ok, mom can do it and she's very Well, she's my fan, right? She says

that, I'm proud of you, Mom, I I'm proud, mom, you help so many mothers, right? But then what happened, a lot of people started coming to my Instagram, people started coming, people came, people came, people came, people came, and people said something like this, something happened, what do I do and I have always been very careful about this because I think there is no rule or absolute truth and what works in my house may not work in that mother's house I don't know her reality, her emotional financial availability of time, what is she doing? nothing

happened and then I said, look, I can't help you like that So I said, no, I can't, I can't stay in this guesswork Ness, it would be very and even irresponsible of me to guess, I don't like guesses, right? I'm going to study to be a parental advisor . I graduated as a counselor for such, being a person trained in basic social communication, right Uhum And then once they told me like, oh, you don't want to play the role of a psychologist, not without being a psychologist, I said, I don't think so, I think that

as soon as It's good that there are people looking for parental guidance Because the more they look for Andreia, the more professionals we will have . uhum parental Ah cool, parental guidance is a professional that he works in Precisely in the family dynamics whether he is a psychologist or not but the psychologist He has much more training and power over some situations that the parental guidance counselor does not have And then it is up to the parental guidance counselor to look and speak so far I can also important for us to know also that the

psychologist has guidance But he also may not have the Total knowledge So that's why he also needs to train himself to be an ISO counselor this is also important and the parental counselor he understands the family dynamics of how this family is functioning Which is this family's understanding of human and child development, the developmental milestones for being able to offer a healthier but more assertive dynamic, in my case I delved deeper into neurodiversity, right? So I went today as a parental counselor, I serve 100% of families with neurotypical children because I went after this place

that was what led you to this, right? It took exactly, but the parental advisor brings this dynamic because sometimes we are in the eye of the storm and we don't see a way out and I also think that the role of the parental advisor is very well equipped and understands in a way. social deconstruction about cultural relationship patterns to go to a place of more freedom, look why you have to practice obedience I read a book by Felipa Perry that opened my eyes about there is a passage in the book that she says like this

one day that your son no longer needs to obey you what will be left of your relationship perfect perfect perfect right so we won't work based on that alone there won't be anything left there won't be anything left exactly so what do you What package of skills do you want? do you want your child to have when he is an adult who makes his own decisions whether he is neurodivergent or not So how are we going to work on this? So the parental advisor modifies the dynamics based on the perspective of that family. I think

the parental advisor has a very important role to play. a lot of respect for that family for that history, understanding that culture, context, context, culture, exactly, your beliefs, what are your non-negotiable values, that we can't think about, look here, don't touch that, so from that, how does that interfere with your family how can we bring a little more health here for this relationship so you can love your child again within the neurodivergence what comes most to me are families who say I don't like my child, I don't and when in fact you are not loving

it Neurodivergent motherhood is not your son, but you don't love it because it's unknown , so the parental advisor brings this place in my case, you know, I work with neurodivergence. He brings this place too, so Eh, it's an exchange, it's a place where the person won't be judged, right, there's no whiplash, I I talk Look here, the whip of judgment, you leave it in your bag, it won't come in here, you're welcome to do an exact tril So tell me, right? There are fathers who say this, look, I'm not going to deny it, I

hit my son, right? I say it, me too, I've already done that I already despair Because they told me like this, give me a slap and it will solve it and so I and what did you do with it André because I don't know how to deal with it I asked for forgiveness, no, I came to my daughter one day and said like this, daughter, I did a very big deal ugly with you that I regret because I didn't know what I was doing, it wasn't your fault, when you don't ask for forgiveness, you're legitimizing

the slap she's going to give someone or yourself, exactly so it was about that, right? So go there and he said it but he didn't. I'm going to lose respect, on the contrary, you're humanizing your relationship with your child, so the parental advisor humanizes relationships, he brings comfort to families, he allows the father to be a father, a mother, to be a mother with all the difficulties you have, why don't we talk? So why are you looking for all this perfection, right? what do you want this motherhood to do, what sense does that make, right?

Allow yourself to reduce damage and not perfection, exactly the perfect child was not born from the non- perfect neurotypical child, what is possible ? It's so liberating, so the parental counselor has this role Uhum And why did I go to parental guidance because I say this a lot to Paulo, I say the universe brought a lot of good things to us, I have to give it back to the universe, Paulo, because if you stay with me, you'll go It can't be bad, I said I need to return the other mothers need to know that their

children are not doomed to failure, others won't go to jail, they won't go to jail, it won't be an adolescence full of criminal lawyers, that mother on Sunday, right, with the little bag on the door, no, no, there's a way out. people , they just need to believe, right? to expand Uhum And when you talk about this role of us not having the gaze of judgment understanding the culture you see that you are there on the network but you are talking to everyone uhum for the cariocas for the northeasterners for the people from the South

anyway you bring a universe and that we will understand and that Ah, this is very easy Because you came from a family that has purchasing power but we're not talking about that, we're talking about love, discipline, affection, respect, authority, right? What is that? limits don't affect you, right? I think you bring a very cool paper, Bru, do you have any images there for us, um, hello, that's an article, right, from Veja, it's already been defined, which I thought was cool, because they mentioned what oppositional defiant disorder is, right? which I think there are a lot

of people who have never heard of it Uhum So we see that it's not an invention, it exists, it's in the dsm5, it's not something that anyone took out of their heads, that's an invention, no, it 's not an invention, it's a lack of education, it's a limit, judge Right Jul, it's very important that we talk about this and that it's not something that only happens within the family environment at home, right, because to have this diagnosis we know that it has to happen in other environments too And that 's what you said, she came

presenting it at home but when she went to socializing at school we started to have this interaction too close Bru and when it's not the child's stubbornness or lack of limits Exactly that's right, you must have heard a lot, that's a tantrum That's a lack of education ISS is a lack of slapping you, it's a lack of slapping she has too much you just give too much thing for her because there's the issue of purchasing power because you can, you can here, no, it's not that, people, it's not, it's not to do with it, it's

to do with difficulties she has, it's different, she can't do it, I'm doing it, it's different You you need to understand that it's different, right? No, but it's not different, what's different , you know what I started doing, I started talking like this, I'm doing everything wrong, if it were in your house, she was your daughter doing Exactly that, now, what? Are you going to tell me, give me a suggestion? Give me a suggestion, tell me, it's very easy Oh, if you talk like that, I There was a time, it's a joke where you say,

look, dog poop, solve it, tell me what breed, tell me what breed I'm going after uhum People, for the love of God, stop judging It's not yours, you don't know how to deal, I've always brought PR to families, right? A metaphor that's very interesting, which is the question of us being fans at a football game, it's very easy to be there in the crowd and judge that player who is there, ahem, pay attention, he's the one it's there and it's very easy to be on the outside to judge, so you put yourself in the place

of that person who's there, uh uh, so for you who are on the outside, you took it from your aunt, right, or the distant grandmother who came to visit, you took a clipping of that situation and I wanted to make the judgment Uhum So, but we live with that situation day to day, right, and I think that our children, our neurotypical teenagers, we have this a lot and it's very easy for those on the outside to judge, they're not in the game So I say as always in a crowd, right? It's because in the crowd

it's very easy to judge things and another thing, which is one thing, it's a very common situation, people are more complacent with the disruptive behaviors of children who TM fenotipi are either children or people with physical disabilities, they are They are super complacent, they welcome their mothers when the hidden disorders are visible. They are very cruel because then it's judgment on top of judgment, it's not possible, imagine, it's normal, why isn't she like that when it comes to using her cell phone? she's like that at the time that she's on the show Oh why I

don't know what at home it is Oh so just say no and she'll explode, right ? There is also cognitive rigidity because we did a second evaluation on her, right now this year and then we had another development of the diagnosis but she has mental difficulties that generate losses and there are things that she won't have the ability to do but she has other abilities, ev. enhance what it has to this And now what she doesn't have the ability for is there as part of her brain which is not a defect but is her way

so why am I going to hit the hammer on this hard wall let's go on the other hand let's do it another way And that too It's very important for parents to know uhum Ana is when she used to see children, not anymore but in her lectures she said something that was really cool, awaken in your child from a young age what talent he has uhum uhum instead of judging because he is bad at math because He's bad, you know, he wakes up what he has and plays, that's what's good about it, right ? in

the morning at breakfast I was talking to Paulo, right, we were talking about the concept of raising children and that neurodiversity puts us in such a nice, liberating place that is about human beings and when it's not cruelty, I can even be being frivolous and judge but who doesn't experience neurodiversity, it takes the place of human having, right Uh, because you worry about having what he's going to have if he goes to this place if he's going to do this if he 's going to be that the child becomes kind of an object an trophy

there as a reward for the investment made ex exactly but neurodiversity takes you out of that place, right, so it's love for the sake of love purely, it's not in the long-term investment that your child will return to you, that no child will, it's an investment that guarantees nothing, right? return isn't it, it's just an exercise in love, it's exactly but there has to be a standard of love that is the standard of what it will be What trophy am I going to put in society because then the child's success is attributed to the mother

or father oh the investment that was made exactly isn't it true, no, it's not and it's so liberating not to be in that place , so today my daughter, she has a level of empathy developed that I think, right, these 17 years of working with her have put us as a family in that place, but for example, she is a 17 year old girl she calls every day to the grandparents, grandma, are you ok, grandpa, how did you take the medicine Oh, you're ok, you did, I don't know what, how are you, right? Hey, her

friend called her the other day, I need to talk, but I ended the relationship and she and I I'm here, I can listen to you whenever you want, already reproducing the amount of exchange and emotional connection that you started to have with her exactly, she writes, she writes letters like this, exactly, so when she's nervous now she talks like this, give me a break let me stay alone in my room that I need to breathe To calm down what a teenager who does this totally She's learning to self-regulate and she said these days she's in

her first year of high school, she's going to her second year because she's two years old so we we held it because of her maturity and that for her was fundamental. So she is a 17-year-old girl in the first year of high school while the others are already in the entrance exam and everything is fine, it's fine for me, it's great and for her much much more, right? And she said Look mom, I don't know but I think I will Doing psychology is really a mafê, why Ah, because helping people is a very good thing,

you know, she says, I want to listen to people, it's cool, right ? In this aspect, I think it should be everyone, right, but it's one thing in the world where we live on competitiveness, comparisons, and that no one listens to anyone. That's a trophy, and how is it? I have an audio of Miguel, who is F's psychiatrist. speak mafia is a successful house right, a lot, right, success of a human being, right, of a human being, of a human being, exactly of building a human being, it's beautiful, right? Naturally, a work being a human

being is an unfinishable work, exactly, right ? a moment where we give a voice to our community we have a community called being human sustain is a community for people who want to have knowledge Regardless of their professional choice but they are people who like knowledge so it is the moment that we give them a voice and how do we do this like two weeks before your presence here with us, today we present your networks, present your content, ask them not to follow you, right, they will only follow you after the episode airs and that

they can clear up their doubts regarding this content that you talk about and a little of what we've already talked about here, okay, let's go, let's go first, Bru, how to differentiate typical challenging behaviors of a child from the clearest signs of positive defiant disorder, the damage, the damage that this child is experiencing, so and all the children will at some point naturally engage in challenging behavior because they do not they know how to deal with all frustrations and emotions This is part of human development, children with oppositional defiant disorder They have a greater frequency

and intensity of these behaviors and with greater judgments even if the family or well-equipped adult caregivers are there offering a welcoming approach of what is happening, she has difficulty regulating herself Many difficulties and this difficulty causes harm because it is a child who will be excluded, who will be removed from an activity, a child who will be removed from a classroom like she did at 10 years old I want me kill, right? exactly in that sense I can't get it right, I can't count it, I can't count it, right ? being in that place, that's

what needs to stay Of course, because there are families who say that way, I can't take it anymore, but if you can't take it, much less So look at the child and to their detriment, perfect, next Bru, raising a child with Todd can involve tantrums, swearing, guilt and judgement. external strategies which strategies can help mothers dealing with these challenges, mothers and fathers, mothers and fathers, society, caregivers NAD and society too, I really like talking about the dynamics of you not taking this personally, right, because people tend to take things a lot things on the personal

side and she, we're talking about children, right, we're talking about a brain that works differently, so when you take off your armor of talking like that, well, it's getting to me, it's insulting me, the person is playing me, don't take it on the personal side, understand this way, I see that it is very It's difficult for you, how can I help you? When we go to this place, we free ourselves from all these constraints of the judgment of the tantrum of looking at it as offensive and saying it like this, I need to act I

have a need that I'm not able to communicate, so I leave this place of omnipotence, you know, he has to obey me, he can't do this to me in any way, he's offending me and society demands that I be radical with this to How can I give you help and one thing you did that I I thought it was fantastic, André, this thing about you, if you're a child, right, you go to the child's height uhum, this is fundamental and children see us all the time looking up, this is very strange, right, when you want

to cuddle, when you want to cuddle a child, you have to to be at her level and even her face, you know, we say, my daughter used to say this to her mother's eyes, sometimes I tell her that Monica's eyes are Monica's eyes, and so it's true, so it was very difficult to say that all this Talking it's easy right, I go through all this so I say that sometimes you kill an entire Savanna inside of you but hey you are the adult Theoretically your brain is the sophisticated one of the child, no yours has

this possibility of the child, no, and little by little we have that we educate and teach that child what is negotiable and what is determined for that family because values, the essential values ​​of that family, that cannot be changed are non-negotiable and what we notice Andreia is this oscillation that the child himself when he arrives in the office she loses because she doesn't know what is negotiable and what is a rule for that family uhum uh right so we need to guide and that the parents are not to blame they want to get it right

but we need to guide them and also that child understands what the rule is and what is negotiated Exactly exactly it has to be, right it has to be I say In terms of parental guidelines, respect is horizontal. The Hierarchy is vertical, so here at home, dad, mom, son, everyone respects each other, everyone speaks in the same tone, everyone has space. You have every right to talk about your feelings when you're angry. I know you're going to feel angry with me you have every right I said I feel angry with you too it's not everything

you do that I like love is one thing but we feel angry about things and it's okay now what what I do with this anger is different, but as a family, they look at here you can go I say I like it I really like analogies because parents start to open up, right? I say son is Rio, father and mother is margin, let it run, hit it, it has to come back perfect, this one won't be perfect, next time Bru, it's possible that Todd will improve or disappear over time, look, it might not even lead

to jail, we see that not everyone goes to jail, no, I'm going to say something that I'm a little afraid to say, but I'll explain, my daughter had a second neuropsychological evaluation, this year and she doesn't scored nothing for Todd how cool Zerou Oh she doesn't have Todd anymore she developed skills Oh that's cool but that's totally possible, okay, that's not even for example oo when you get the spectrum Web of autism spectrum disorder you get a child at level three and you bring it to level two and from two, one understands, so, uh, that's

when we prove once again that the issue of brain neuroplasticity is real, real, so I see people say like this, no, that's not possible, it can be difficult. Uhum but the brain I joke that When planting, everything can happen, right, Brazilian land, when planting, we will harvest now, it doesn't happen from one day to the next , so that's what I tell families, there's a break, so I said, go on Pinterest, do you want it, do you have a bathroom? all the broken tiles are leaking, it's horrible, people take photos of it and put them

on Pinterest and after a while the after appears, right, 15 seconds later, like that, right, it's horrible, for Lindam, it shows the transformation process, this happens a lot on construction sites, right? it was a dream that sometimes we will crash there, the pipe will burst, that everything we have designed will delay the work, just to change that tile, bore isuna, in Nozinho, everything is a process and this process you have to be aware of, so when I say that the My daughter didn't score anymore for Tod from the age of 7 in the first assessment

to the age of 17, I have a gap of 10 years working for 10 years, so yes it is possible but it will depend on so many interactions and so many times that you want to give up and you rest. It's such an interesting thing , André, that you bring and we stop to think about when we're here in this chat, which is the issue that in that first moment that we start to deal with that conflict, it's really going to get much bigger Uhum And each time you're lost , from the moment you start

to receive guidance from a professional like you who is there, things start to calm down and naturally this tide goes down because everyone is managing to learn to deal with it, so It is logical that at the beginning of childhood this symptom seems much bigger today when you look at her at Maria Fernanda you see her completely different because she is understanding herself you already understand and the whole context around her is also understanding but at the beginning it starts that you know everyone wants to give the guess there You said something fantastic she doesn't

score anymore it could be that her brain has this tendency it's there but other areas were so fortified that this tendency doesn't score anymore because there will be people oh impossible it didn't disappear it could but she managed it with training of emotional control to make it stay there trer Uhum She has, in the current diagnosis, closed to mild intellectual disability, right, she has a 30% impairment of her cognition, both social and emotional, academic but she has a lot of potential so I say she has 70% potential So let's focus on 70% exactly And then

we continue to develop these skills so today she recognizes emotions I say she can give a talk about emotions So she says of Feelings she talks about emotions because I'm in anguish I look at her 17 years old how is Maria anguish who is distressing you right because I felt jealous because she knows he gives names to things right And when she's angry that She realizes that she's going to explode, right ? no you are banned from GR regulation, right, she needs to regulate herself, she had objects that I made that little sensory bottle for

her, I did everything for her, right, little light, that smells, eh. There was a time when I put some bracelets on her and I said, oh, every time I'm away from you, you hold the bracelet and you will remember that I told you that you can feel angry, yes, you just say that you need some time. If an adult tells you that you can't, tell me to call me, call me right away, right, and I'll say no, she can. feel it yes let her feel it She just needs to calm down, she needs someone to

calm her down , but let her feel, right ? Exact TM most adults don't have, they don't even know how to define what Seme Exactly exactly so it's an achievement, right Uhum next Bru how to deal with children with crises of opposition in public when the child refuses rules or reacts explosively like in the mall right, I want that and we You can't do it, you have to choose who you want to displease, whether it's the audience, right, or whether it's your child, and when I say displeasing your child, it's not about giving him what

he wants, it's about telling him to sit there on the floor in the mall, say this, I know. that you really want you won't have, but I'm here for you and let the audience watch, don't worry, right, because again, Nobody Lives what you live, it makes sense for you to offer what your child wants at that moment, it will change your family's values doos family values ​​is implies will modifying will transgress No So why won't you fulfill a wish if you can, right if on a walk in the mall at 10 am he wants to

have an ice cream because he hasn't had lunch yet but how many times have you had your beer on a beach at 10 am in the morning, right, what's the problem with that, then, and it's every day that you're here in this space, you revisit this before making a decision, parents don't need children and immediatists need assertive parents and being assertive means you analyze the situation now, no, it doesn't make sense I am not I want this to happen and it will deregulate, it's a fact, you say no, I don't like listening to it, no

adults don't like it, there are adults who are tantrums, the child, then what about the neurodivergent, then, right, it's going to cause a lot more deregulation, sit down and talk, Look Or we can go to a place for him to calm down Or we can go try another day, look, we'll go home today and hold him in our arms and hug him and the child will scream all the way to the car park and you'll say tomorrow we'll try again today it was difficult for you but we can try again But again, right, choose who

you want to displease I thank God I chose to displease people's opinions and judgments, right, why did you choose FC, I chose my daughter, you father also needs to understand that not everything will be rigid, right? Ahem, that's exactly where my son is rigid. But what's your standard, right now ? structure of society does not work And there you have it what to deal with with the public because then you have difficulty dealing with the public, right? Next Bru, it is common to confuse positive challenging disorder with Autism Spectrum Disorder, considering that both can present

behavioral challenges and difficulties in social interaction, it is quite common, right? To this day we have it's always in the differential diagnosis, right, it's not inconclusive, I thought it was absurd, inconclusive, including guilt. neurodiversity right because Sometimes there isn't just a single diagnosis and we can't determine a person based on a single aspect, there are comorbidities, right? Exactly, and what happens, yes, there are similar behaviors . What is important is what I think is to look at neurodiversity in an expanded way considering that brain functioning, even within autistic people, there is no one that is

exactly the same as the other, right, human beings, there is no one that is the same as the other, so why will this happen like this and then the If in doubt, go back to the specialist I'm having this difficulty I made these I have your notebook notebook exactly I made these notes here I have this doubt and question, right, but it's quite common for this confusion to happen, yes it can happen even more so due to prematurity too, right, it's a criterion which plays both ways, also next Bru for the teachers What is the

best way to work with students with Todd, especially in busier classrooms, this is the big challenge, right? The school environment because we have children all the same age. Theoretically, very similar to Typical children and one who is very different and the teacher who has to take care of everyone and the children who don't understand end up doing non-assertive practices, bullying, exclusion, they exclude, it's exon, there's no way, I think that within pedagogy, teachers are not prepared for neurodivergence is a problem, I think that in society we have to look at this as a construction problem,

even governmental public policy projects, but there is no way, there has to be a force in society too, so my recommendation for families is whether you an instrument of training to be a teacher So look, have you ever heard of this disorder, do you know how it works, let me tell you, it happens like this at the beginning, it creates strangeness at the beginning, it creates the impression from the school that you are protecting your child, that you are trying to make a fool of yourself, that you are trying to teach how to act, I'm

a teacher, I know what I'm doing, but the teachers are thirsty for information, because I think this subject is getting to the P's side, they also need help, right ? information that is not just billing ISO, but it's a partnership, so my recommendation is I go to my daughter's school, still in high school. Every 15 days there's a Friday morning when I go there, we meet with the Educator, Educational coordinator, pedagogical and the others say look how it is What are the objectives What is the project How is her Educational plan How is it missing

What are you feeling What do you need this reduces a lot ex I can help exactly the parents stay very much so without informing themselves And as I outsourced it, it's difficult for everyone. I speak and raise this flag of psychoeducation a lot Uhum And when I say this word psychoeducation I mean that it's a marriage between the health professional, family and school school uhum because we we have to leave this place of school and I've worked a lot at school that I have an ego as a school uhum from here we're in charge uhum

outside I have an ego because I'm a father and my son has to act like this and the professional of health you have who is there, sometimes also moderating, so there needs to be more training meetings and that's what the teacher has difficulty managing as a school 30 15 20 It doesn't matter, but when we come together for that child and look at him, we will change the whole family educational context, so psychoeducation we don't have to play a game of tug of war, we have to come together, partnership to help, it's partnership And then

it flows Look, she's 17 years old, high school and you're 15 15 days it's been there as a partner with that school but this is only happening because that school is open to this partnership and it's also not sure there are schools that are already like there to see the mother exactly new oh my God she's already coming, she's Maria, she's already gone by five schools so it's difficult, right, and the schools actually They have an ego, there's no concern, they suffer pressure from other families, right? And then you go creating a family that is

neurodivergent also goes to a place of Suffering where oh I 'm always judged judged judged and school is another environment it's reactive and I really like removing this reactive behavior and saying let's not make it productive Ah but now I'm going to have to teach for your child and at the end of the day the school will thank you because wherever your child goes you will leave learning So look at this from this angle, right? It's always That thing, right? I think people are horrible remain the fault of So-and-so is from Cicano, I don't care

whose fault it is, I'm interested in What are the possibilities we have when faced with a problem? I never wanted to know when there was a problem in the clinic or any environment I worked in. Ah, so-and-so, I said, I didn't ask, I said, which one? problem that we have, how are we going to solve it and what are the possibilities for resolution? I hear everyone because this thing was the fault of not solving the problem, solving the problem, the child is in pain, the teacher is in pain, what are the possibilities that the we

have it there ok Point right but It's very difficult for people to understand this but we have to understand this we have to talk talk I say repeat repeat repeat then at some point I opened a box this weekend and a mother said, what would you do, I wrote it, I saw it like this. I asked myself what I would do if I understood and then the mothers started saying, right, some fathers also participate, then the mother said, if the school would only let your child go on the trip if a family member accompanied them.

And then I said, look, you can. be that I be canceled After this response here but I need to talk about if you are the mother of a neurodivergent child you put yourself in this place of vulnerability and you know your child you know his weaknesses you know his social battery of how far he can go he is going to a new environment outside the school environment with a lot of information with a lot of dynamics a lot of stimuli so he will be able to cope he will have enough resources the school has to

take 15 20 more children they need to look they will change their behavior completely because it is outside the known environment everyone will go have she will have to return all the The world at the end of the day is not just your son, so you managed to analyze your home, now go to school and talk, what are your difficulties so that my son can go, tell me, look, with this difficulty, you can act like this with this Ah, with this one that I know is dangerous Okay, I'm going on this trip What's the problem,

let go of the standards So look at your child's needs and be a partner with the school, you don't need to interact in the activities, you can be there supervising, the social battery is over, we're over come back before there's no problem Exactly exactly So it's okay to be like that, right? There's a wonderful series on Netflix that talks about the mothers of the Penguins, you've seen it, it's wonderful and it talks about neurodiversity and there's a tour that they do where the child's mother is there and she's wearing a hood and a cap like

that . little boy get up mom she I'm not here but security like anything I can gave me more care, right It's about an hour she tells him to put on his sneakers you have to put on his sneakers he's you're not here perfect perfect it's too much cool next Bru what is the importance of behavioral therapy in Tod's treatment and how it is applied in everyday life, behavior, behavioral therapy, she works a lot on this in conflict resolution, which is the biggest challenge for children who have emotional regulation problems because they are self-centered, they

have difficulty reading environment, she has difficulty putting herself in someone else's shoes and not because she wants to push Guilt It's because she sees it that way, right, so for her everything is unfair, everything is difficult and behavioral therapy Brings this bias in analyzing the problem, look with this problem here this is your choice increases problem This choice of yours reduces the problem, so the therapy works precisely on these perceptions that will make her feel better, exactly, so it was very cool when the child is younger, you have to use the playful aspect, right? So

with drawings with a red arrow, an angry face, Look at this here the problem is increasing you will have to deal with it teaching how to make choices and that it all seems very Obvious but for a child who is neurodivergent it is not And you have to say the Obvious to them you have to draw the Obvious so the therapy brings this transformation over time not in one session, right a change of behavior is a construction a construction close Bru is there any relationship between Tod and other disorders such as TDH or anxiety that

parents or educators should observe, it never comes alone, right, it always goes hand in hand, there are studies that talk a lot about TDH, which has very similar behaviors and which some cases the issue of anxiety evolves into much more disruptive behavior, so again you look at that child's operating behavior and the responses he or she gives and observe, so there is a relationship between other disorders, but you need to have a look It's very clean to remove this bias from prejudice, right, and enlarge it, put a magnifying glass on this behavior, talk about but

this has a characteristic here, this has another characteristic of another behavior, right, and create a hierarchy, right? What's causing suffering, what's that, what's the point because otherwise you make a letter put a letter option, make a polydiagnosis, which is very beautiful, okay, so what and what happens because sometimes you don't have to treat everything, sometimes you have to get it here, the anxiety is getting worse, right? The child who has social phobia to be able to present a work She becomes paralyzed This is such a problem in the medium and long term because it inhibits

her even in building her career Uhmm now if ooo TDH what bothers her is the issue of not being able to keep up with the commitments and not being able to organize So yeah that's not it because otherwise there's that thing, there's that, that's it, that's not the case, you have to see what causes specific discomfort for that person to choose the battles, right, choose the hierarchy of battles, even within the Bats and the frustrations because you also have to choose your frustrations, you don't You will always have to make choices, you will owe, right,

the account will never close, it will never close next Bru Andreia Is there any strategy to avoid Emotional exhaustion when caring Or teaching a child with Todd is 80 to 20, right, typical families are 80% of the time in calm and 20% solving problems, neurotypical families are the opposite, 80% solving problems, problems and 20%, in the calm of these 20%, the child still sleeps a little , right? have someone to help you, yes, say, I need it, right, have that humility, say, I can't handle it, I need help, there are many families who are very

alone, so I say, sometimes go to the bathroom, put on your shower cap and cover your ears and let the water in the shower hit very loudly because the external noise will be greater than the internal noise and take that break, you know, when your child is taking a shower, resting for mothers who are solo especially, right, but the recommendation is that you don't give up because the Parents' tendency, especially with disruptive behaviors, is to give up, to disbelieve, to assume that it 's your child, he's incompetent, he'll end up in jail, so you're not

going to assume that, right? there are 5 at least a few minutes of your day to rest, you said, it's wonderful, right? I understand why you put on the shower cap because the water makes a noise, that's exactly it, and that ends up neutralizing all the noise around it, perfect, that's me, I did it. That's why I often bought that hydration cap that's made of aluminum. It's a waterfall, right, but you don't think about anything else, you just concentrate on the noise, that noise . in a single thing to the other thoughts exactly clean your

thoughts I loved the cap if it's still there to make that noise let the internal noise here be greater than the external noise perfect perfect she can use it to apply some foam a cleansing foam on your body get one there's no exfoliant does it a sugar a little cornmeal with Honey ex exactly exfoliates the skin exactly with Honey it really works next Bru, I would like to know if there is a difference between the impact of Tod on young children and teenagers and how approaches change with age Wait a minute I don't quite understand,

I think people want to know when they are children and when they are teenagers, right? we adapt, I don't like to determine that the child who has everything stops being a child, the teenager who has a way of Stops being a teenager, right, so we have to separate because he is developing, he will have the appearance of a child and of a teenager he has difficulties with emotional regulation he has difficulties in deal with certain aspects that the psyche doesn't allow him to do, right, he has mental health issues there, which functioning has changed, so

if you say that ah, he is a child who is Tod, no, he is not, he has, he has, he has, then you will develop skills There, as he acquires it, he begins to appropriate it and reproduces UZ, going slowly, so I say that neurodivergent children in childhood are a test for adolescence, because it doesn't change much, I didn't feel much change, what changed, for example, with my daughter she increased her repertoire so she has more autonomy in regulating her emotions, right? She went from the physical clash to the discussion to argue to take her

position. I think we also have to put ourselves in that place of knowing how to listen in order to lead in a more assertive and loving way. in adolescence I see that the limits are no longer rigid but you need to establish this place with your child in a much more assertive way because otherwise you will put it at the expense of the inconvenience and abandon it, right, so say this, I understand, I know you want it and My answer is still no and that's ok Let's go here together, but I understand, I don't disqualify

you , I didn't belittle you, that's not possible and it's ok there. You again and in childhood, children get into these physical fights, right, stop fighting with their father and mother. with adult caregivers and in adolescence Not so much, but they end up taking their cell phones away, slamming the bedroom door, these things that happen in all families, but neurodivergent people have more difficulty. So I think that this way, you can look at adolescence with a pure eye, too, right? There are hormones . a lot of things happening to that body, it has to deal

with its own difficulties, so how many times in adolescence, now it's a changing brain, my daughter said so, I didn't, why, why does this happen to me, right? And then I explained it to her, so today she talks openly about neurodivergence she talks very cute so sometimes she says like this mom dad is asking for the key do you know what that is, right it's a TDH Zão it's a TDH Zão right she's talking about that same thing yesterday we were coming here We stopped at road and where is he the car key Where is

the car key Where is the car key there I am Paulo when you put your bags in the car you took the key out of your pocket no I didn't take it out it's not in the trunk so I got out of the car I went there I opened it I didn't say anything Then she came after me because then she wants to see the BO, right? Then she opened the car key on top of the suitcase and then her mother gives it, I understand, Paulo, although here I found the car key, that's right, it

wasn't Bru, everyone was looking for it. inside the backpack I changed the place We turned over the sofa and just left it in the backpack, yes, but I did, but that's it, you look at adolescence as a teenager, knowing that I'm going to have more difficulties with this teenager because he often has a more rigid brain and I'm going to need to be more creative, it's not negligent. but more creative next Bru, how to include and engage children with Todd in social or school activities without them feeling excluded or inadequate, we even answered a little

about the trip thing, it's true, and I think it's once again that you look at the need for I was a kid even for social drumming , right, so I did a lot of it. That's why my daughter, sometimes she couldn't manage to stay for 4 hours at the birthday party and then she would be at a loss because she was no longer able to handle it if I left early she would feel fine, everyone else would also feel fine and would play and other times Alex even didn't want to leave even though I realized

she was already at her limit, it's because sometimes Sometimes she doesn't have that perception, right? And when it was time to leave, there was a scandal And then everyone talks, but the girl was having fun. Why are you taking her away? I said, no, we know you, right? And I said, she needs to rest and Then I was going to rest, I've seen the behavior of the battery that runs out, right? It's exactly And so I think it's important, but social skills you can even teach by talking, but they'll only learn it in practice, so

I highly recommend it to families who have children with behaviors disruptive, so don't remove your child from society, have a more organized interaction at times reduced, more assisted, right, but it's not protected but with support because he needs to develop social skills in practice I have a work partner who is Luí Gustavo He's a neuropsychologist and he also has TDH And then we make a lot of exchanges, we even did one recently gave a lecture together and he did scouting when he was a child and teenager and he said scouting saved my life and then

I put Maria Fernanda in scouting, she does it, it starts there as the Cub Scouts and then there are the Cub Scouts and the scouts, seniors, full clans, I don't know, I don't know the names exactly, and she was camping these days, she goes hiking, it's really cool, and scouting brings up this issue of regulating aid support, right, limits, companionship, partnership for us to win something, exactly. exactly so, you have to look for activities for your child so that he can be with other children with other teenagers, but you need to provide emotional support .

support that the children are ok, that's exactly what you're saying, André, it's something that we notice a lot, it's that thing where I 'm ashamed or I can't deal with it. Still with that, right, I'm not working through this grief well. son that I have and I start to put myself inside a glass jar with him Uhum And then more and more instead of you protecting you you're bringing worse into his life. In the future it's because at some point he's going to come out, right? I think that we have to break a little with

this prejudice when we have to share share with the family share with society what is happening, you know and people from the moment I understand that my son has it and I start to explain to people that I don't need to isolate myself because that's what we see a lot, you know, there comes a time and sometimes when I was a child I stayed there in the dome and didn't let it go , but there comes a time when we need it when I and we haven't developed When I graduated in parental guidance my purpose

was that people were looking for me to help these families. I created a social project called blow blow blow why? You know that little dandelion plant that we blow and where that one petalaz falls another little plant grows that's right and then Do's drawing my project was the dandelion being blown with a bunch of petalaz falling because that was exactly it, right? I brought it to families in a way that, as a parental guidance professional, this communication, don't hide, talk about neurodiversity, don't be ashamed because this psychophobia that people have is due to lack of

information today, thank God we are still walking like this, respect for religions, gender, choices, but there was a process of awareness, right ? It's still not given the value it has, but it's changing, it's changing for the better, there's still no prejudice about mental health, you know, children and teenagers can't have mental health problems because they don't pay the bill, they don't have anything, they live with their father or with mother this is a big lie and puts a lot of people in suffering so Talking about mental health, you don't take the body away from

the brain, you don't have health if you don't have mental health. So you need to talk about it with great confidence, put yourself in that vulnerable place of talking about it because you're changing your surroundings, I managed to change everything in my micro world. surroundings about mental health and if everyone does it, it will change and we will have a better world Sowing, right, it will blow next Bru ah we have arrived at a very special moment, this little boy, he is very sweet This little cb is he likes great content, he is very attentive,

listening to his content, you know And so now we have given a voice to the community and now we are giving a voice to him so his mother will say some words that he says, which is like ping-pong uhum and in those words whatever comes to your mind You play okay and if you don't want to respond you can also pass, nothing good came up uhum love It's delivery for two families eh They are ties, right, a gear that needs to turn everyone together there, three resilience is you If you allow yourself, right, Opening, right,

the thought, right, for a metamorphosis, right, you don't exist Absolute Truth perfect four Complete the sentence motherhood is to descend from paradise to descend to descend perfect four five purpose of life, oh, I think it's about leaving your legacy through what you've built from the information of being, right, human being, right, six, happiness, oh, I think it's respect for those who are on your side, right, I'm happy if I can't be happy by my side being happy with someone sad by my side, right? It 's you giving someone a hand and saying I'm with you,

it's something shared, it's sharing, right? really talk, come here, I'll listen to you, perfect empathy, eight empathy is trying to try, right? what she feels is also a welcoming is nine If you could change something in the world, what would you change, look, if you could make 50% of the population more loving, we would already change the world, right? I think 40% 40% helps you, right, and 10 a sentence or a thought can be yours, it can be someone else's, I have a phrase that permeates my life, which is from Raul Seixas who says I

prefer to be this walking metamorphosis than to have the old opinion formed about everything, right? because again we have to deconstruct ourselves every day, right, it doesn't exist all the time, right, and keep changing the tire when the car is moving exactly and the road is full of holes and the road is full of holes, dear, thank you very much, let's close here, it was a pleasure, it was It's a pleasure to have you here today and now let's get to the goodies this book is by Alex who talks about neuro feedback in the treatment

of TDH this here is the new book that was released in November it's already signed I hope you like it you can have these few minutes of mental care, not skin care, right, exactly so that we can be connected and happy too, which is a book that I wrote during the pandemic but it wasn't finished, Alex, who gave the rest of the Gifts, very present, where we have an ecobag, right here, little photo of pipinho and here our motto make it happen and inspire people I went oh and then we have here a little notebook

for you to put your thoughts if and everything the little notebook that mom kept looking at and here a little mug for you to drink your tea cl wonderful remembering us how beautiful I loved a lot of gifts thank you and now dear you are going to do something you are going to look at that camera over there they are going to arrange everything correctly for you don't worry you are going to look at that camera you don't need to look at us and all your messages I was very happy to be here today for

me it is a dream to be able to talk to such incredible people and I am Andreia, parental advisor and for Families with neuro atypical neurodivergent children I have an Instagram which is @ underline I tell you everything where I talk about neurodiversity but with a welcoming perspective with a perspective of belonging so that we can untie ourselves from phobias about mental health and that we can offer the best PR to our children every day, so I welcome families from all over Brazil in this exchange so valuable that it is talking about a place of

belonging where, yes, children need to be welcomed, teenagers also within their uniqueness, perfect, dear, we are finishing the kite pod episode, today it was with this wonderful person I had nice to meet Andreia Ross if you If you don't know, I suggest you follow her Instagram is @t Tecon, everything counts because in a society where we see so much injustice There is only one possibility for us to truly empower ourselves and be better people, better human beings is through knowledge of self knowledge and sharing knowledge and here in the powder pipo community we really believe

in this, don't forget to subscribe to the channel to share this episode and also to press the bell so you can receive all the information Thank you very much and we'll see you in the next one powder p