Psychologist explains: How to build self-discipline and achieve your goals.

The Willpower Instinct how self-control works why it matters and what you can do to get more of it the book is written by Stanford University psychologist Kelly mcgonagal I have 14 great lessons from the book that will help you have more self-control and beat laziness and procrastination in all areas of your life so let's get started number one eliminate the reward system imagine you've just arrived home from war work you've had a bad day and you are so stressed well you found out your wife or husband baked an amazing chocolate cake it's on the table and you can already taste the soft dough just sweet enough to match the creamy melted chocolate sauce you serve yourself a small slice first and then a second and a third one you're feeling full but maybe you can have just one last slice you deserve good things after the Terrible Day you've had before you know it there's barely any cake left have you eaten all of it oh no how do you feel stuffed guilty frustrated probably all of them but wasn't the cake supposed to make you feel better the reward system can be one of your greatest enemies when it comes to willpower and discipline it's also a way that your brain uses to trick you we search for pleasure and rewards even when the experience does not live up to the promise a survey on stress found that only 16% of people who eat to reduce stress report that it actually helps them another study found that women are most likely to eat chocolate when they are feeling anxious or depressed but the only stable change in mood they report experiencing is an increase in guilt and if you're judging just know that you do it too I'm sure there's something that you believe that makes you happy when in the end it only makes you sorry chances are this is is something you believe would make you happy if you could just get enough of it junk food cigarettes just one more episode of your favorite series does that hamburger really taste that good or in the end do you just eat it so fast that you can barely taste it when you get home with your new items from your shopping spree do you feel as happy as you thought you would with all the things you bought or worried about your credit card debt and if you've procrastinated finishing that project and took a nap instead how do you feel now happy and rested or worried and regretful in addition to giving ourselves reward for past Behavior we also give ourselves reward for future Behavior which is even more ridiculous for example I will spend money at the mall today but I will not go shopping for the next 3 weeks or I will eat this dessert today but no more dessert for the next month these are just a few of of the White Lies We Tell ourselves always test the promise of reward first if you start explaining to yourself that the promise of reward and reality don't match your brain will start adjusting to the truth number two don't exchange every good for bad you've been dieting all day this morning you had fruit for breakfast for lunch your plate contained a collection of green leaves and colorful vegetables you skipped the afternoon stack and had only a cup of green tea you're so proud of yourself that on the way home you think it's no big deal if you drop by a pizza place and take a margarita home after all you kept up the good work all day long besides you won't eat the whole pizza just a few slices you deserve a treat right wrong the four slices of pizza you're about to eat will erase the benefits of all the hard work you've done throughout the day this is called moral licensing and it's one of the ways you trick yourself yourself into giving in to instant gratification it's a trick that your brain plays on you in which anything that makes you feel proud can license you to follow an Impulse it's not logical thinking the fact you didn't eat the whole pizza doesn't make the four slices you did eat less harmful being proud of the things you do or resist doing is great the problem is using this as an excuse to do something that will harm you moral license TR Tri you into acting against yourself it convinces you that self-sabotaging is actually something good ask yourself do you use your good behavior to give yourself permission to do something that will sabotage your larger willpower goals if you do here's how to stop first avoid thinking in terms of right or wrong just think in terms of things that help you reach your goals and things that don't when you think about giving yourself a treat for behaving remember why you've been resisting for example if you want to buy yourself a gift to celebrate the fact that you've saved money this week remind yourself about why you were saving money in the first place is the gift going to undo your previous efforts instead of getting you closer to your main goal if it will forget it and find a new way to treat yourself that doesn't count as self-sabotage remembering the why works because it changes how you feel about the reward that so-called treat will start to look more like a threat to your goals which is what it really is also keep both eyes open for magic words that might give you permission to indulge like buy one get one free light organic coupons or for a good cause number three be careful with the what the hell effect how do you react when you disappoint yourself for example if you're on a diet and you end up having a big slice of cake for breakfast what's your reaction most people in this situation fall victim to the what the hell effect this means they feel so bad about this failure that they feel as if their whole diet is blown so they tell themselves what the hell I already blew my diet I might as well eat the whole thing or what the hell I already blew my diet I'll try again tomorrow and proceed to eat every junk food that crosses their path that starts a harmful cycle of indulgence regret greater Indulgence instead of Falling For That Trick forgive yourself for the breakfast mess and promise you'll do better at lunch maybe you think that if you aren't self-critical enough you'll never get anything done but that's not true feeling bad will only lead you to be more vulnerable and less disciplined you don't have to be so hard on yourself self- forgiveness is not an excuse it's necessary for self-control number four are you waiting for future you let me introduce you to two people let's call them you and you 2. 0 you is prone to procrastination has trouble controlling impulses and doesn't like to exercise eat vegetables or do the laundry you is really good at dreaming but those dreams rarely to get out of the realm of imagination U 2. 0 on the other hand has no trouble with procrastination because U 2.

0 has Boundless Energy for all tasks no matter how boring or difficult U 2. 0 also has amazing self-control and can face down potato chips cigarettes and Netflix without a Flinch U 2. 0 has opened a business and works happily for it in the mornings and evenings and even pulls all nighters you U 2.

0 loves exercising and thinks sugar is nasty if my description was accurate you probably noticed that you is well the person you are right now well U 2.