[, Music ].
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Like me, that's skl.
I usually get a few topic requests every day through instagram email, twitter, people on the street.
A lot of them are for indie music, hey volksgeist talk about bonnie there, sufjan stevens, whatever a lot more of them are for me to talk about rappers talk about j cole birds in the trap, they're good requests, but it's not usually stuff.
I couldn't have thought of on my own, but for the last couple of months, maybe once a week i get a request to cover an album called everywhere at the end of time by the caretaker at first.
I didn't give it a second thought.
I was sure it was too obscure to cover on my channel and no one would care about it at all, but after five or six requests all asking me to cover everywhere at the end of time, i give it a listen and for the last few weeks, I've found myself obsessed with this record the effect it's had on me, the effect it's had on others. 00:01:17
The way i can relate its meaning deeply to who i am and how i see the world around me, you see everywhere at the end of time, is a six and a half hour long album that seeks to portray what it feels like to lose your mind To dementia, it's a concept that i don't think has ever really been explored in media before and i think for me at least it came at just the right moment. 00:01:42
So, let's talk about everywhere at the end of time.
The last thing you hear before you die.
I think a lot of people are afraid to get older.
Maybe you don't want to lose your looks or your athleticism. 00:01:57
Maybe you don't want your dump truck to turn into a saggy bag of potatoes, but getting old isn't all that bad you become wiser. 00:02:06
Hopefully you have to work less and you can finally appreciate life's finer details in silence.
You don't have to care if you're, not as famous or pretty or important anymore.
In fact, you have no choice but to get over it because time stops for no one.
Look at rappers rap is all about turning yourself into a legend like nas.
He made arguably the best hip-hop album of the 90s at the age of 20.
He started writing it when he was 17 and now the biggest thing he's done in the last decade is feature on a little nas x track and nas is still young he's not even 50 years old.
Yet but his massive literary and musical accomplishments are already forgotten by the general public and appreciated only by people from his generation and younger people who care about older music.
That's just how it is time washes our accomplishments away, but there's a disease that one in 10 people will start to develop when they're leaving middle age, some form or combination of alzheimer's and dementia you're. 00:03:10
Finally, starting to relax and the memories just start to go, it becomes harder to do basic, math harder to remember phone numbers harder to recall what you did last week, harder to remember what you were doing 10 15 20 years ago and harder to dress yourself for The weather, eventually, you won't know who you are or who your family is, and it continues to progress until the day you die, having lost all of what makes you a person alone in your mind, with mere echoes of times long past, it's kind of impossible.
To imagine what this would be like, you can't imagine the feeling of losing your ability to think, because you have to think to picture such a thing.
How can you think about not being able to think it's just categorically impossible to do such a thing, but this is what the caretaker seeks to depict in everywhere at the end of time, the act of forgetting that you've forgotten at all. 00:04:10
The caretaker is an artistic alias used by the british artist james leyland kirby who's been putting out music since 1999.
His first project called selected memories from the haunted ballroom was inspired mainly by the scene from the shining where jack nicholson, orders drinks in the haunted ballroom.
At the overlook hotel and over the past 20 years, he's made around a dozen different projects with varying levels of success and recognition.
In fact, looking through this list of albums, i actually realized that i had listened to his music before five years ago in high school.
As a much more confused and depressed person than i am today, i specifically recall listening to an empty bliss beyond this world on my phone, when i would go walk to this one church in my hometown a few times every week, i was concerned with the meaning Of life, the past and the future, i wasn't the type of kid who lived in the present very much, but i did appreciate the architecture and the ambiance at the church, so i would sit there for hours and run the album from front to back imagining a Day when i would finally find my place in the world, you see the foundation of the haunted ballroom in empty bliss everywhere.
At the end of time, all of the caretakers music really is to make you imagine something that never happened. 00:05:32
He doesn't really compose any music per se.
Instead, his mission as a musical artist is to create atmosphere.
An empty bliss beyond this world is made up of samples from pre-world war ii, ballroom jazz records that james found in a record store in brooklyn.
The samples that kirby uses are brilliantly fractured to push different emotions. 00:05:56
Sometimes a song will endlessly loop a phrase for minutes on end, sometimes they'll jump back and forth. 00:06:05
They're layered deeply under effects like vinyl noise, distortion pitch shifting and reverb.
That suggests the music is playing in a quiet, empty room.
This album follows the story of a mind crumbling under the weight of dementia. 00:06:21
One of the trademarks of alzheimer's and dementia is repetition as the diseases progress, your memories will be reduced to an ever repeating slideshow of some various fractured moments of your life. 00:06:33
People will repeat the same events in their minds over and over, not having enough remaining memories to fill their brains. 00:06:43
They become fixated on a few specific moments to an outsider.
It looks like permanent deja vu and that's the idea. 00:06:49
The caretaker has been trying to reproduce for years by drawing samples from simple, ambivalent music that all sounds like it has existed long before you twisting love, songs, lullabies, hymns and waltzes.
Slightly askew he's created this feeling that i've never really found anywhere else.
It's like finding a photo of someone else's family birthday party in a book.
You know what it is, but you don't know what it is like i said earlier.
This is a subject that not a lot of artists have tackled before, but there are a few examples.
I can mention there was a meme a couple of months or years back honestly.
I don't know how long i feel like i've been in quarantine for 100 years, even though it's only been seven months.
Anyway, there was a meme a while ago that supposedly depicted what you'd be able to see after having a stroke, it was an eerie image, full of patterns and shapes, but none that were actually recognizable as any specific object.
The feeling i got from looking at that picture is pretty similar to how i feel when i listen to everywhere at the end of time, even though they aren't made with the same idea in mind, they both have that element of vague recollection without true recognition.
There's also the man who painted himself as he slipped away from alzheimer's and dementia.
In the late 90s, a british artist named william utter mullen, was diagnosed with alzheimer's disease and decided to do regular self-portraits until he was no longer able he painted himself for five years.
With each portrait getting steadily more abstract until his human form was barely recognizable, his wife wrote a few years after he died in these pictures. 00:08:35
We see with heartbreaking, intensity william's efforts to explain his altered self, his fears and his sadness. 00:08:43
She wrote even the time he was beginning to be ill.
He was always drawing every minute of the day.
I say he died in 2000 because he died when he couldn't draw anymore. 00:08:53
He actually died in 2007, but it wasn't him by then.
A psychoanalyst later wrote that the paintings depicted sadness, anxiety, resignation and feelings of feebleness and shame.
Dr bruce miller, a neurologist at the university of california in san francisco, who studies artistic creativity in people with brain diseases, said that some patients could still produce powerful work. 00:09:19
Alzheimer's affects the right parietal lobe in particular, which is important for visualizing something internally and then putting it onto a canvas. 00:09:28
Dr miller said the art becomes more abstract.
The images are blurrier and vague.
More surrealistic, sometimes there's use of beautiful, subtle, color, a much more ambitious project than kirby's previous work everywhere.
At the end of time is six and a half hours long.
There are six sections each with a description that corresponds to one of the seven stages of alzheimer's disease, with the last stage of the disease being left out: .
It's become a big trend online to listen to this album from start to finish in one sitting, all six and a half hours all six stages. 00:10:09
A lot of people say that they feel different afterwards they say their outlook changes or they feel depressed, or they can't stop thinking negative thoughts.
Some people told me that they felt like they had dementia after they finished it or it made them want to be with their family more or to change how they live their life.
But why truth be told this project is both haunting and frustrating.
It starts with an hour and a half of relatively normal music.
The tracks have structure, but they do fade out over time and by the time you reach stage 3. 00:10:47
Things really start to change.
Structure gives way to repetition and interruption, melodies become choppy and unrecognizable chaos and confusion sets in and the music becomes hard to listen to stage.
Four is even more chaotic, with songs, spliced, together intense repetition and long choppy drones stage.
Five is noisy and full of long drones with no real recognizable music stage.
Six is like its cover art.
It's a painting.
You can't see you can hear the sounds that music would be made of, but it's no longer music.
You can feel the slow process of losing your ability to recognize what was once familiar.
It's amazing how leyland kirby was able to turn vinyl records into captivating, heart-wrenching mind-altering, emotional, sound, the same simple innocent songs from the beginning of the project are distorted and twisted until they become unrecognizable depictions of what it would be like to forget how to forget to Be overcome by fog until you just aren't a person anymore.
The comments under the upload of the project on youtube are just devastating.
The comments under the upload of the project on youtube are just devastating, almost 100 000 comments and all of them seem to be from people. 00:12:20
Who've watched someone slip away from alzheimer's or dementia people, reflecting on the most traumatic moments of the experience talking about their fear of their own future, reminding others to be present in the moment and love their family. 00:12:37
Remembering how invested i was in the caretaker's music, just four or five years ago, only to forget about it when people started asking me to cover his work on my channel was a strange feeling.
I remember the church i used to walk to and listen to his work.
I live hundreds of miles away from it now and the only reminder of it i have is a few photos.
I took on my iphone 5 that was already old by the time i got it.
I misremembered the color of the roof in that church. 00:13:08
I thought it was gold when, in fact the pictures show me it was light, blue being there feels fuzzy and far away.
I can't remember the details of the streets.
I walked to get there or the number of doors into the church or the people i saw there. 00:13:22
It feels like a dream: a collection of feelings whose reality can only be verified by four blurry photos and a few memories like the smell of the wood and the candles inside the church. 00:13:35
It's only been five years yo.
I know no one asked, but here's a look into my personal connection to this album. 00:13:48
It's the reason it got me so in my feelings, and i felt like i had to do a video about it.
My grandmother died last month from stage seven alzheimer's.
She was 84 years old.
She was born in ohio during a time when being from ohio, wasn't necessarily a punishment, but that doesn't mean she had the odds on her side either. 00:14:13
She had no parents to speak of and she was raised by an aging, great aunt who took on the job of being apparent begrudgingly.
At best she lived in an industrial neighborhood without access to things like hot water or air conditioning.
She took the bus to get to school by herself from the age of five when she was my age. 00:14:31
She met my grandfather, an italian from queens who was in cincinnati to get his college degree the first person in his family to do so.
They fell in love and started having kids while frank was still in school after he graduated, they moved back to new york and lived in a tiny apartment with dozens of family members coming in and out constantly after the better part of a decade, frank got a Better job in his field a few hours away in connecticut, so they moved to new haven in search of better wages, better living conditions and good schools for their kids. 00:15:08
But after a few years, their oldest son got involved with drugs and the family was torn apart. 00:15:17
Patsy took her kids and used what money she had to buy an abandoned home in a tougher part of town. 00:15:25
She fixed it up and started working on the things she always wanted to do. 00:15:28
She started doing photography and her photos took off after a few years.
Her work was displayed all around the world at international events in places like europe and asia. 00:15:40
She briefly worked for the city she traveled around europe.
She got married a second time to the man.
I know, as my grandfather a little italian architect from bridgeport who made friends with everyone.
I ever saw him come across around the time i was born.
My grandmother got the job. 00:15:58
She would spend her later years doing managing a used bookstore tucked away at the end of a dark alley in new haven. 00:16:05
She would walk her dog to work every day and sit for hours listening to classical music and talking to shoppers and readers after 10 or so years running the store, numerous robberies and assaults shut, the store down my grandmother kept busy with volunteering and family, but it's Well known that inactivity will accelerate the development of alzheimer's.
The music was still playing, but it wouldn't stay.
The same stage.
Two, the music started to sound a little off.
The record was skipping.
She seemed fine for a while, but after a few years of retirement, she started to forget.
If my brother and i were brothers or cousins, she would mix up our names and ask the same questions a few times a day stage.
Three, the music became confused and tangled in itself, but you could still hear it.
She stopped driving.
She would either walk to the corner stores or ask family for rides after a nasty fall down the street that landed her in the hospital for a few days.
She stopped going out at all.
She would get into bad moods that i had never seen before, sometimes getting violent with the people around her stage.
Four, the fog rolls in the droning confusion rises.
She thought her husband was an intruder.
She thought her sister and her aunt were alive, but they've been dead for 40 years stage.
The music was no longer music, it was scrambled into madness.
She could only parse fractions of seconds each moment becoming one and the same. 00:17:49
No new information could be absorbed through the cloud of repetitious memory. 00:17:53
We didn't tell her when her first born son died stage.
She can't interact with the world anymore. 00:18:03
She can't walk or dress herself or feed herself anymore. 00:18:07
She stares at food until someone tells her what to do with it. 00:18:11
She watches television all day, even though she read books, her whole life and always told me that the tv would rot.
My brain, she doesn't know anyone's name but mine and my mom and my uncle, who stays with her.
She hasn't left the house in a year in previous stages, her mind seemed chaotic and confused. 00:18:30
Her sense of time was disjointed between the 50s and the 2000s, but that is no longer time meant nothing to her anymore.
She lives only in a deep confusion in the current moment. 00:18:44
The last thing she ever said to me was hi philip.
There was nothing else but that she surely couldn't reflect on who i was or where i had come from, but her brain reacted to me almost unconsciously her mind.
The rest of her life was gone to the fuzziness that alzheimer's brings upon its victim. 00:19:09
Like a dust storm that only grows and grows until you fade away, i know it's not the craziest story.
She was just a normal lady from the midwest, but i wanted to share how hard it's been to understand and process the feeling of watching someone fade away before your eyes when they were always such a hard worker and active person.
My grandmother was born with the odds against her, but she made it out alive and lived a great life she's one of my biggest inspirations, and i hope that one day i can make something she would approve of.
I'm not sure if it's from listening to this album so much the last few weeks or my grandmother's death or a combination of both, but i think at least two or three times a day every day for the last three weeks, i suddenly remember that life is Just so fragile i could lose my girlfriend or my best friends or my family. 00:20:06
I will lose them, there could be a murder or a disease or disaster or relationships gone sour or they could drift away slowly without me, even noticing, and even if i make it to the very end, with no horror, no tears and no grief, i could fade Away without me even noticing i could forget that i forgot at first i would barely notice.
I was getting worse at simple math or having a hard time reading my watch.
I would feel intruded upon by my own kids coming to visit, or i would forget why i was so hungry at 3 in the afternoon. 00:20:42
I would stop matching my clothes and wonder where my car keys went when i could swear.
I just put them on the table the other day dad we took the car keys last year. 00:20:51
What, if you ask a person suffering from alzheimer's, to draw a clock? They just can't do it they'll get the circle right, but they won't be able to distribute the numbers evenly. 00:21:05
Everything will be on one side or they'll run out of room or they won't be able to draw inside the lines. 00:21:10
It's a pretty simple, foolproof test that cannot only show you the severity of someone's disease, but also remind you of one simple fact: alzheimer's can take everything from a person not just their ability to draw a clock, but their ability to tell that time itself is passing At all, i guess what i'm trying to say is that all that matters is making the most of the here and now as much as we try to reason with ourselves.
Right now is the only moment.
Memories are foggy windows that only get foggier as we continue.
Our journey, and one day they may fade away entirely in the future it doesn't exist, never has never will thank you to the caretaker for creating such a moving piece of art. 00:22:06
It's going to stick with me for the rest of my life, or at least as long as i can remember it. 00:22:11
If you want to pursue something, creative and learn how to better express your thoughts and feelings through media, i highly recommend checking out skillshare.
I use skillshare all the time to help brush up on my video editing and animation skills, and i honestly can't recommend it enough. 00:22:34
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They offer creative classes designed for real life and all the circumstances that come with it.
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The software i use to make my videos skillshare has something for everyone and by the way, my personal favorite class at the moment is william kesling's class on how to animate a logo in after effects.
William kessling's class includes a lot of the same techniques i use for my videos and it's super helpful.
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sh, , volksgeist11201, [, Music ].